Between the Fire
by mythmichelle
Summary: A story from Peeta's POV after Hunger Games and into the beginning of Catching Fire. The work is mine, except the few lines borrowed from Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, along with borrowing her characters and world. She owns them, I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

Maybe I am crazy. How did I let myself think that she could fall in love with after just a few days? Seriously, other than the crush, what did I know about her? I know she is beautiful, strong and smart. How else could she have survived the Games? Saving my life along with hers. I guess I always knew she really felt this way….that it was all an act, a way to make sure we both came back home. Why, though? Why would she bother to save me if she didn't care?! I surprise myself with punching the polished wall of the train. I am suddenly embarrassed by the way I behaved towards her. I should apologize, since she saved my life. But as I pass the window I see us slowing down, coming to the train station at District 12. The apology will have to wait. There will be cameras and we have a show to do. I find Effie, Haymitch and Katniss waiting in the main car. I pretend to not notice the rid rims that are Kitness eyes. Haymitch is whispering words to her and she sighs and takes a lung full of air. With some effort she puts a huge, Capitol smile on her face and reaches for my hand. I try to catch her eye as I take her hand in mine, but she is looking toward the door as the train fully stops. I muster everything I have and put on my most convincing smile.

Effie walks out first. Haymitch looks at us once and says, "For all the marbles." He's right, of course. No telling what they will do if we do not deliver. I slide closer to Katniss and whisper, "I'm with you."

Her eyes show a bit of relief and we walk out together, hand in hand. Star crossed lovers from District 12.

The sun is all I can take in at first. Then shapes come and I finally see the car to take us to the square. The ride is quiet and short. Everyone just looks out the windows and takes it all in.

The square is full of people. I find my family, quickly, standing on a make shift stage some thirty yards away. Next to them is Katniss's mother and Prim. The relief on the faces of her family is amazing and I realize that, no matter how much it hurts, the pain is worth getting her back to her family.

We wave and smile and answer questions from the mayor. There is one small moment that makes things easier for Katniss and myself, really. The mayor asks her mother what she thinks of me, her new boyfriend. With a kind and somewhat knowing smile, she says, "Peeta is a great boy. And will one day, be a wonderful gentleman. But Katniss is too young for boyfriends." I take the hint, give Katniss a small kiss on the cheek and step away. Keeping a coy smile in place I wink at Katniss when the cameras are looking and her mother is not. She manages a few little giggles. The capitol will eat that up.

Finally things die down and we are lead to our new homes in the seldom used Victor's Village. We are to be taped as we walk into our new houses separately. We live twenty five feet from each other. This is going to be harder than I thought.

The cameras are still rolling, so, since we left our families back in the square, I take her hand and pull her in for a quick embrace. I am surprised at the fierceness that seems to come from her during the small embrace and I allow myself to think, "Maybe it wasn't all show." Before my mind can banish the thought she is kissing me, not a quick peck, but a long, drawn out kiss that has my mind reeling and my body reacting in ways I have never known. I rub my hands along her back until I am pulling her into the frame of my body. I forget everything, the betrayal and hurt I feel and just live in the moment.

It's not until someone clears his throat that we surface, red faced and out of breath. Then reality hits me full in the face. It is all I can do to keep the smile on my face and too look innocently at Haymitch and say, "Just a goodbye kiss." Kitness giggles at my side. I kiss her again on the cheek and turn away from her, toward my new home.

The house is beautiful, of course. Only the best for the victors of the games. Of course, District 12 only has one other living victor, Haymitch. We'll all be neighbors now, I think bitterly. The doors knobs are brass, the wood is mahogany. Beautiful. I am not really excited by my new surrounding until I reach the kitchen. My own, personal wood burning stove and oven. This will help me find myself again. To bake, get back to what I know. Maybe make some little cookies and decorate them. I sigh and a small forms on my lips that I don't have to force. Maybe there is a life for me in this after all.

Later that night, after the cameras were gone and I am finally alone, I let the feelings crush me. I lay in my new bed, not thinking of the comfort of the mattress, the down pillows, the comfortable blanket. I just allow the hurt, the pain take over every inch of my body, of my being and my heart. I wonder if you can die from a broken heart. I let tears flow freely, not taking time to care that, as a man, I should not allow myself to wallow, to feel, to cry. Right now, I just do not care.

For a few short days I was happy, under the most impossible circumstances, I was happy. The people dying, other trying to kill us, to survive, but she was there. Trying her best to take care of me, to save me. Numerous kisses, hungers I could not explain. Afraid I would die, but happy to do so, if it meant she would live.

When I finally surface I notice no change in my feelings. I still love her. With everything I am, I still love that girl. I'm not sure it will ever change.

Suddenly, I can't breathe. I jump up and throw open the window. A slightly cool breeze hits my face, helps me clear my thoughts. Yes, I still love her, but I could not imagine just being her friend. I would just try to ignore her as much as possible. I look towards her house and notice candlelight in the front bedroom. A figure sits at the window, just as I am, with her head against the glass. I can't see her face, but I wonder what is keeping her up tonight.

I lay back down and finally get into a restless sleep, all the while dreaming of the other tributes, their bloody deaths, some at my own hand. Terror and happiness plague my dreams. I wake up scared and screaming at times. Other times I wake up happy, more than happy. Dreaming of her kisses, her warm body so close to mine in the sleeping bag, the smell of her skin. These dreams are worse than the bloody ones. To know that I will never have that future I came up with in my head. No more holding her, kissing her lips, feeling her body crushing up against me. That will drain the life out of anyone, anything.

For days I just survive. I wake up, bake bread, cupcakes, cookies, cakes, and visit my family. Just going through the motions. Days stretch into months, Katniss and I, when we do speak, are very formal, stiff. It's not until I get a call from Effie, that I start thinking about being back on camera. I am supposed to have a talent, something to keep me busy now that I don't have to work or go to school. I don't want it to be baking, to always be known for that. Instead I request some paint and canvas. That is where I begin to heal, begin to find myself again, in my office, smearing paint on blank canvas. I paint everything I remember from the games. The blood, the loss, the Cornucopia, and Katniss. She is in my dreams every night and I cannot help but paint what I remember. How she looked while I was seeing things, like she came out of a cloud. Beating my dirty shirt against that rock while trying to clean me up the day she found me, perched in the tree while the Careers and I had her trapped. Almost every moment.

Ever since the first night back I have to sleep with my window open. Some nights I hear her screaming, sometimes endless shrieks, sometimes just a name, usually Rue's, but sometimes mine. Those are the nights that hope swells in my chest and I have to beat it back down. Those are also the nights I weak up in a sweat, not from fear, but from the hunger for her arms, her lips.

My visits with Haymitch are probably the most interesting thing since starting my paintings. He's not one to hold back, especially since he is normally drunk. I keep him in fresh bread, try to get him to eat some before I leave. No one in town talks to me much, not even the friends I had before the reaping. I just normally go visit my family, purchase things that I really don't need to help spread the wealth around and deliver some little cookies to some of the older people in our town.

A call I get from Portia a few weeks later makes me realize that I am stuck in the star crossed lover's thing for a long time. The Victory Tour is in a week and Katniss and I have to act like we are madly in love and visit every district in Panem, ending with a great party at the president's own house in the Capitol. As Portia goes on and on about when the team will be there to get me camera ready and what I will be wearing and how I need to be excited, all I can think about is the borrowed kisses I will soon be getting from Katniss. I just cannot turn off the love, the longing I have for this girl.

It seems like just days later when I am waking up on the day we leave. I get up and start the daily bread for myself, Haymitch and the Everdeen's. Baking really takes me to a calm place, just like painting. While the four loaves bake in the oven, I let my mind wonder to what could have been, if things weren't so crazy. If we didn't have the games, didn't have to scratch and scrounge to eat. Or even if I just talked to her before the games.

My timer goes off and I am brought to my senses. Sometimes I let my daydreams get the better of me and even now, as I am about to take the loaves from the oven, I realize moisture in my eyes and quickly wipe it away. UG! Why must I pine over this girl?! I am a little angry at myself and I catch myself throwing the bread around a bit more than needed. I laugh at myself. What an upside world I live in. I am supposed to be a man. Men around here do not bake, well, except my father, and they do not cry over a broken heart! I should be tough, like the other boys in town, like Gale, then maybe she would love me too.

I finally stop thinking about myself and decide to head over see if I can wake Haymitch up. The cameras will be here in about an hour and I am sure he wasn't asleep until the sun came up. Might as well drop the fresh bread off at the Everdeen's as well.

It is beginning to snow outside when I open my door and trudge the twenty-five feet to the Everdeen's house. I knock on the door and wait patiently for the answer. Katniss's mother answers the door and I get away with a few, "No problems," about baking the bread. Twenty-five more feet over to Haymitch's. I don't bother to knock, he wouldn't hear it anyway. I push the door open and find it is not as hard to open as normal, as if someone else had pushed their way in today. The smell of rotten food, garbage and stale wine assaults my nose and it wrinkles. I hear talking from the kitchen and know someone else has woke Haymitch up. It's not until I hear my name from the voice of Katniss that I realize it was her, of course it was, who else cares if Haymitch is up for the tour?

"..You should have asked Peeta," Katniss says as I round the corner.

"Asked me what?" I answer, laying the bread on the table and reaching for the knife that Haymitch always has in his hand. I don't even look her direction.

Haymitch answers, "Asked you to wake me without giving me pneumonia." He hands me the knife, which I quickly douse with white liquor and wipe it on my shirt. I carefully slice the bread and hand Haymitch the heel. I take a small breath and look at her for the first time in days. "Would you like a piece?"

"No, I ate at the Hob," she says stiffly. "But thank you," she adds. I notice she is perched on the window sill, itching for an escape I suppose.

"You're welcome," I answer back just a stiffly. I look down at the bread and slice myself a piece. So many conflicting emotions in my chest right now.

"Brr," Haymitch says, looking between us. "You two have got a lot of warming up to do before show time." I sigh. Of course he is right. We have to be the star-crossed lovers again in just under an hour. I quickly beat down the thoughts of the stolen kisses and just think of hiding the pain I feel when I think of how I really won't have to act.

Katniss makes a face and just says, "Take a bath, Haymitch." Then she drops out the window and is out of sight.

I shake my head towards her direction. Haymitch slowly chews his bread, probably the first thing he has had to eat since bread yesterday. I notice the stove is on and smell coffee over the unnatural smell of the house. I grab the cleanest looking cup I can find and pour the coffee in it, taking care to keep most of the grounds in the pot. Haymitch is still working on the bread as I sit the coffee in front of him. He looks up at me and almost looks sad, well, as sad as he can look. I wonder what my face looks like to get that kind of look from our mentor. He looks down at the coffee and says,

"I never say thank you for keeping me fed," I am shocked, Haymitch doesn't express his feelings. Never. I know he wouldn't want anymore that the quick, "Don't worry about it," that I give him. Looking into his coffee cup he says, "Guess I should go get cleaned up. Almost show time." I nod. "See you in a while." I head outside and slowly walk back home. There's a car in front of Katniss's house. They must want to get a jump on her prep.


	2. Chapter 2

In what seems like minutes, I hear a knock on my door. I shove up from the couch to answer, but before I get to the door Portia just lets herself in. Behind her I see my prep team, three of the most elaborate people I have met. Probably three of the least intelligent on the real ways of the country. There are smiles, squeals and kisses on cheeks, all the while I am usher upstairs to my bedroom. Portia waits down stairs while my prep team gets to work.

I strip down, leaving nothing on, because with this team, nakedness it just part of the job. I remember during the prep before our big entrance before the games I was so nervous to be naked around them, especially since two of my team are women, but since they made no big thing of it, neither did I. I sit in a chair as they walk around me, making comments, touching my hair, fussing at the new burns on my hands and forearms. I just take a breath and let them do their things.

Caesar, a broad shouldered, deeply russet colored man and the only one on my prep team, starts buffing away at the skin that will be exposed today. My hands and face since it's cold here in 12. He mutters under his breath while trying to hide the new burns on my hands.

"I think we can wait until tomorrow to really shave him," comments Barb, an older, extremely petite woman says quickly. "I can use a razor on these little stubbles today and use the good one on the train tomorrow. I say, Peeta, I expected to notice a bit more hair growth from you these last few months. Have you been shaving, like we asked you not to?"

"No, I haven't," I answer and quickly explain, "My hair is just too light to notice. Look closer." She leans closer to my face and smiles, "I see. Still, a quick shave today I think." I smile at her and she goes to the bathroom to get the counter ready for the shave.

My third prep team member, in charge of my hair is Ginger, who, like her name suggests, has flaming red hair. It contrasts with the light blue dye she has all over her skin. The fashions in the Capitol! But where she seems, by looking her over, she would be loud, like her skin and hair, she is exactly the opposite. Very quiet, not talking much, but absorbing everything. When she does speak it is in a voice much too deep for her thin frame. I think I like her best. Right now she is quietly combing through my curls with quick hands.

It seems like hours later, when actually is was just minutes, that I am pushed down in the tub, sitting a foul green smelling bath. I have my head back in the lap of Barb so she can shave off the little hairs that seem to bother the Capitol so much. I try to make myself calm, taking deep breaths in and out slowly, but my nerves are stretched so tight I do not do much good.

After the bath is over Portia is waiting for me to get me into my outfit. I know that down stairs there is a camera crew waiting to film my talent while I try to explain why I painted what I did. She dresses my in simple black pants, very thick and warm. A crisp button up shirt and black leather boots. I imagine Katniss will be in something similar.

I go down stairs in time to see Effie waving me on.

"We are on a tight schedule. A Big, big day today!" she is saying in her Capitol accent. "Peeta, please show us where your studio is." I smile at her and lead her down the hall to the room that used, I guess what you would call an office, but I moved all the furniture out when the canvas and paints arrived.

Once I let everyone in I hear the collective intake of breath. I guess no one who has had this talent in the past used it to paint the games.

Effie is the one to recover first, of course, and she says,"Well, Peeta, these are just breathtaking."

The camera crew starts walking around doing close ups of the paintings. I feel like I should be saying something, explaining my actions, but I just stay still and smile when a camera is pointed on me. Effie pulls me to the side and says quickly, "Now I need to go check on how things are going with Katniss. Portia will be getting you ready to come outside in thirty minutes. I want you to put on a smile now, Peeta. You are excited for the tour, aren't you?"

"Of course, I am, Effie," I say with a smile. "It's just a lot to get used to after being back home again." She nods her head in an understanding manner, even though she is from the Capitol and will probably never understand the kind of horror that is associated with the games. She gives me a quick kiss on each cheek and departs. Portia takes her place in front of me and smiles a quick smile. I can tell she knows that the lovers act is just that, an act. Well, at least on the part of Katniss. I think of what I am going to do, how I am going to keep putting my heart on the line. What a fine mess I have gotten into.

Portia slips me into a thick coat lined with a fur I am not familiar with. "It's Ermine. Cinna's idea. Beautiful and will match the one Katniss is wearing," Portia says, following my gaze to the soft white fur. She buttons me up and says, "Come on now, Peeta. You're a victor, alive and in love, remember?" I nod and smile. "Alright. It is time to get going." I take a breath and wait as everyone files out of the house before me. When I reach the door I see Katniss coming out of her front door. I look down as I walk down the steps, still not completely steady on my artificial leg, and look up in time to see Katniss walking toward me, then suddenly she is running. I catch her and swing her around, but my artificial leg slips from under me and the next thing I know we are on the ground, Katniss on top and we share a sweet kiss. The first one we have had in months. Katniss then pulls me up and tucks her hand under my arm and we go on our way.

The rest of the days seems to fly by. We bid our families' goodbye, wave, and smile to the crowd and load ourselves onto the train. Dinner that night is wonderful, of course, the kitchen staff pulling out all the stops to please us our first night. No one talks very much. Haymitch is trying to sip his alcohol instead of guzzling it and Katniss is clearly someplace else entirely. Probably still back in 12 with Prim or maybe even Gale since I noticed he was missing from the group of people seeing us off. I wonder if not saying goodbye to her "cousin" was weighing on her mind now.

I excuse myself as soon as it seems late enough, even though I know it will be hours before I am really able to sleep. Normally at home I either bake or paint to pass the time until I am tired enough to pass out. Even then the nightmares are still there. Almost every night I wake up paralyzed in fear, unable to move for what seems like an eternity. I think being back on the train might just make them worse. There's no way to open a window on this train, so I am not sure I will be able to sleep much at all.

I pull off the clothes Portia made for me and debate taking a shower. I know I will probably be in prep for most of the day tomorrow, so I decide just to pull on a pair of pajama pants I find in the top drawer in my elaborately decorated room. I sit on the extremely comfortable bed and just look around. I knew when we got home that I would have to go on this tour, but it doesn't make it any easier. Tomorrow we will be in District 11 and I will have to smile and pretend I am happy to have survived when the children they provided, Rue and Thresh, had to die for me to do so. Even though I am happy to be alive, back in the arena, I was happy because I thought my future would include Katniss in love with me.

I don't know how long I sat on the edge of the bed. Eventually the train becomes very quiet and I think I might just walk up and down the train, just for something to do. Go look at my paintings, maybe check out the kitchen car. I am about to get up when I think I hear soft foot falls outside my door and see the shadow of someone passing quietly. I know that will be Katniss, she could sneak up on anything. For a moment I think of asking her if she is ok, why would she be walking around the halls of the train this late? But I decide against it, not really wanting to be alone with her. I still do not know how I am going to deal with that.

I notice when the train stops and I see two sets of shadows pass by towards the front of the train. One is super soft, so I think it is Katniss again, but the other is heavy prints, so it must be Haymitch she is looking for tonight. They must have yet another secret or he is coaching her on how to seem crazy in love with me again. That is when I decide to pull myself up in the bed and pull the covers up to my chin. I notice that I am still very angry with them both for playing me in the arena. I will play my part, but I decide I want to be done with them, both of them, when the cameras are off. I finally fall into a restless sleep with that knowledge on my mind.

Even in my sleep I cannot escape the pain, the anger I feel. I dream of losing her in every way possible. Gale is nice clothes, her in a dress, married. Cato smiling a cruel smile as he plunges his sword into her chest. Her turning her back on me as we walk into our houses in Victor's Village the first day we came back home. I wake up so many times, eyes wide, heart racing, and each time I realize that she will never truly be in my reach anyway. Not in that way, but my subconscious keeps bringing these horrible images into my brain, reminding me again and again that she is not mine.

I am finally roused by Caesar who is telling my lunch is to be served in twenty minutes. I am amazed I am let to sleep so long, I figured my prep team would be going crazy over me all day. I pull on shirt from the top drawer and walk to the dining car. Haymitch is already seated, looking like he is nursing a hangover. Effie, Portia and Cinna walk in a few moments after I sit next to Haymitch. Even though Katniss is not here yet we go on and being lunch. I gather that Katniss has been up since early with her prep team and feel a pang out guilt. While she is getting prodded and poked I got to sleep in? Doesn't seem very fair. I don't say anything, which is good considering that is when she comes in looking quite unlike herself and oozing bad mood all over the place.

I join in the conversation, everyone talking about sleeping well on the train, I agree, but do not add that I did not very much sleeping last night. Then we all begin to talk about how good the food is, which I really do agree. Haymitch picks at a muffin, not saying anything and Katniss keeps pushing around some broth in her bowl. I'm not sure she eats at all. Cinna, Effie, Portia and even I try to get her into the conversation, but she is not in the mood to talk. I wonder what is going through her mind right now. Is it because of the late night? Dreading looking at the families of Tresh and Rue? I wish I could take her aside and ask her. Tell her to talk to me. Then I remember I wrote her off while we are not on camera.

The train stops. I think nothing of it, it happens when they need to refuel. Then we are informed that this is not a routine stop fuel stop, a part of the train has malfunctioned and has to be fixed or replaced. Effie all but loses her cool at this information. An hour stop will throw everything off schedule and well, since she is in charge of getting us where we need to be when we need to be there I can understand why she is upset.

Suddenly Katniss says, "No one cares, Effie!" Everyone just stops, including Haymitch, who I though I saw snoozing a few moment earlier. Instantly I see Katniss become defensive. She snaps, "Well, no one does!" gets up and stalks out of the dining car. For a moment we all just sit there looking after her, looking at each other, avoiding Effie's watery eyes. Haymitch gathers his bearings, gets a look of pure anger on his face and starts to get up to go after her. I quickly get up and say, "Please, let me talk to her, Haymitch." He looks at me for a moment and nods, sitting back down.

As I am wondering where to look first I hear an alarm going off. I see a Capitol aid looking helplessly out a door and I know that must be where she went. Well, here goes writing her off. I tap the guy on the shoulder and say, "I'll get her." He sighs, smiles a little and lets me out the door. A warm breeze assults my face as I drop down and see her sitting a few feet from the end of the train, looking back the way we came. I walk, slowly at first, towards her and try to decide at what I am going to say to her. As I look at her hair fluttering lightly in the breeze I finally realize that even though I am in love with her, I will probably love her the rest of my life, but that I want to be her friend. Someone she can come to when she needs to talk, to laugh and cry, if need be.

As I get closer to her I hear her say to the ground, "I'm not in the mood for a lecture." I smile, she must think I am Haymitch. She should have known better, only I have such heavy foot falls.

"I'll try to keep it brief," I say, sitting next to her in the grass.

"I thought you were Haymitch," she admits.

"No, he's still working on that muffin." I stretch out my artificial leg and ask, "Bad day, huh?"

She watches me settle my leg in and says, "It's nothing." I know there is something on her mind, so I decide not to press her and be honest. I take a deep breath.

"Look, Katniss, I've been wanting to talk to you about the way I acted on the train. I mean, the last train." Another breath, "The one that brought us home. I knew you had something with Gale. I was jealous of him before I even officially met you. And it wasn't fair to hold you to anything that happened in the Games. I'm sorry." I look at her face, she is still looking away, and wait for her to process what I said.

"I'm sorry, too," she says suddenly. She doesn't elebrate and I don't think she needs to apologize for keeping us alive. Again, I tell her the truth.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You were just keeping us alive." I take another breath, might as well keep telling her how I really feel. "But I don't want us to go on like this, ignorning each other in real life and falling into the snow every time there's a camera around. So I thought if I stopped being so, you know, wounded, we could take a shot at just being friends," I finish, kind of lamely. I smile at her and she finally looks at me a smiles a bit in return.

"Okay," she says, looking a bit relieved.

I take a stab at asking her what's really bothering her, "So, what's wrong?"

She goes back to looking away and I know that she, for some reason, is unwilling to tell me. I sigh and say, "Let's start with something more basic." I fish around for something simple, something a friends would know. "Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine…" and she has, "…and I don't know what your favorite color is?"

I watch as a smile forms on her lips. "Green," she answers. That makes sense, she loves the woods. "What's yours?" I don't even have to think to answer. "Orange." I can see it now, the beautiful orange that comes each night.

"Orange?" she says, I know she must think it's crazy. "Like Effie's hair?" I smile in response.

"A bit more muted," I say, still imagining the orange in the sunsets at home. "More like sunset."

She nods, perhaps imagining a sunset as well. Then she grows very still and I can tell she wants to tell me something. She must have decided against it because the next words out of her mouth is, "You know, everyone's always raving about your paintings. I feel bad I haven't seen them."

"Well, I've got a while train car full." I stand up and offer her my hand. "Come on." She takes my hand and I help her up. We walk hand and hand back to the train. It's nice to be holding her hand. For real friendship this time, with no cameras around. At the door Katniss says, "I've got to apologize to Effie first."

"Don't be afraid to lay it on thick," I say. We walk back to the dining car and I see a small smile play on the lips of Portia and Cinna as they take in our hands intertwined together. Katniss does overdo it on the apology and we listen to a few things from Effie about us being under a lot of pressure and how one of us has to make sure we get everywhere on time.

I lead Katniss down to the car the holds all of my paintings. As she takes them in I see her go very, very still.


	3. Chapter 3

She just stand there looking at all the paintings, probably remembering things from her perspective. Finally I can't stand it anymore and I ask, "What do you think?"

"I hate them," she says simply. "All I do is go around trying to forget the arena and you've brought it back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?"

I look around at the paintings and can completely see her point. "I see them every night," I answer.

"Me too," she answers quietly. "Does it help? To paint them out?"

I am still looking at all the paintings when I answer, "I don't know. I think I'm a little less afraid of going to sleep at night, or I tell myself I am." Still the nightmares are there, every night. "But they haven't gone anywhere."

She keeps looking at the painting of Rue and sound almost wistful when she says, "Maybe they won't. Haymitch's haven't." That's true. Haymitch still sleeps with a knife in his hand and doesn't like to sleep at night.

"No. But for me, it's better to wake up with a paintbrush than a knife in my hand." When I can finally move that is. "So you really hate them?" I ask, a little sad.

"Yes," she answers honestly. "But they're extraordinary. Really." She turns her back to them. She just doesn't like to think about those days in the arena. She looks at me. "Want to see my talent? Cinna did a great job on it." I laugh in response. Clothes? Not really.

"Later," I say. I really mean it. Even though I am not jumping at the chance to see some clothes, I will see them if she wants me to. The train finally starts moving again and I get an idea. There's a car at the very end of the train that has walls that retract to show windows all the way up to the ceiling. There are comfortable seats and it is almost like flying across the ground.

"Come on, We're almost to District 11. Let's go take a look at it." We walk to the back of the train and sit in plush chairs next to each other. The landscape around us is so different than back home. There are rolling fields full of cattle, must be dairy cattle I think. We begin to slow and I am a bit surprised since we have barely gone for thirty minutes since the last stop. Suddenly there is a huge fence rising around us. Must have been thirty-five feet tall with barbed wire designed to do serious damage. There are also watch towers, each manned with its own Peacekeeper and they each have a gun.

"That's something different," I say, shocked. Very different than what we have back home. There are beautiful wildflowers growing at the base of the fence and I tuck them back in memory for something to paint one day. Crops come next. It seems like an endless amount of crops, along with endless amounts of people. Women, men children, everyone seems to be out working the land in some way or another. In the far distance I can see the tops of the trees that must be the orchards.

A few times we shoot past very small communities, but you see no one in these places. It must be harvest time and I guess harvest time means everyone works. We spend a long time looking out these windows, but this District does not seem to end. "How many people do you think live here?" Katniss just shakes her head. I wonder if she is thinking of what we learned in school. I remember being told that we are told District 11 is very large, but if they ever gave numbers I must not have paid much attention.

It is not too long after that Effie finds us and asks us to go get ready. We both raise out of our seats, lost in our own thoughts and head to our rooms. When I reach my room Portia and my prep team are waiting. Not much to prep me on, just a few buffs to cover the burns on my hands, make sure the curls on my forehead hang just right to not get into my eyes and a few strains of stray hairs plucked out around my eyebrows. Portia dresses me in simple black pants with a simple black shirt with soft autumn orange flecks here and there. I imagine in the sunlight the will catch light very well and become more pronounced.

After I am deemed presentable my Portia I meet Effie and Katniss in the dining car to go through the days activities once again. In District 11 the celebration is confined to the square. Effie hands us each a card with our Capitol approved speeches printed on them. The allow you to say a few things yourself, if you have an ally or something. I know Katniss tried to write something about Rue, maybe even about Tresh too, but she just was not able to find the words. I decided I could write something for them from both of us. I hand the paper to Effie, just to make sure it was ok. I see Katniss smile a real smile as I do this. I know she has trouble expressing her feelings, she is extremely private in that way.

The train really starts to slow and we all get up and are converged on by our teams to put finish touches on. I don't notice what is being done to me, because I have just noticed that Katniss is wearing a beautiful orange dress, set off great by the gold headband Cinna just put in her dark hair. She is so beautiful it actually hurts my ragged heart.

The train stops and I am expecting a welcoming committee to be waiting for us, but I am surprised when I step out and just see Peacekeepers and what looks like an armored truck. Maybe they just couldn't spare extra people from the harvest? After the door closes on us Effie stiffens and says, "Really! You'd think we were all criminals." She looks around for some kind of agreement, so when her eye touch at my face I smile what I hope is a reassuring smile. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Katniss stiffen after Effie's comment. I wonder, again, what is going through her mind.

When the truck stops there is no time to look around, we barely glimpse the back of the Justice Building before we are rushed inside. Wonderful smells is obviously being cooked some place deep in the building.

I do notice the smell of rotten wood. They must have just as much trouble keeping their buildings as we do back in 12. We can hear the music playing outside as we are ushered to the front entrance. I feel a microphone being clipped on my shirt and I take Katniss by the hand. I hear whom I assume is the Mayor introducing us and the doors begin to open.

Effie gives us a little push along with a quick "Big smiles!" We move forward to look at the crowd that has been assembled. The applause is loud, but we hear no shouts, nothing like you would get at something like this in the Capitol. Not that I blame them. At the bottom of each side of the stage there are two families standing on constructed platforms. I notice the large family that had to been Rue's. Five little children and her parents that faces still show the pain of losing their oldest daughter. There is a little girl who likes so much like Rue that I am taken back. To distract myself I look to the other side and see what must be Thresh's family. A large girl who looks so much like Thresh except with a few feminine features and an older woman who must be his Grandmother or something.

Slowly the applause dies out and we listen to the mayor give a speech. I really couldn't tell you what all the said about us because with each passing moment Katniss holds my hand a little tighter. Of course, she was an ally with Rue and this must be very hard on her. I know she thinks she should have been able to save her.

Two tiny little girls come onto the stage and hands Katniss and I huge bouquets of beautiful flowers. I step up a little bit and repeat the Capitol's reply and I hear Katniss speak to finish it. I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure she would be able to speak at all. Now is the time for me to speak about the tributes of the district. I shoot a small smile at Katniss, but I am not sure she sees it before I take another step forward to talk to the people who have gathered. I think of the little speech I have written on the card in my pocket, but I don't pull it out.

"It is wonderful when you think of how the two tributes of this district made it into the final eight. Thresh was a fighter. Very strong and not willing to play along with the alliance of the Career's. He showed mercy to Katniss when he found out she tried to help Rue and let her live. Rue was quick and so smart. She helped Katniss after the tracker-jacker stings and kept her out of harm's way. I will never be able to thank them after what they have done for me. By keeping Katniss alive, they, in turn and unknowingly, helped keep me alive as well." I pause and look at both of the families. I debate on my next words. I have to give them something! Suddenly I have an idea and I find myself saying, "It can in no way replace your losses, but as a token of our thanks we'd like for each of the tributes' families from District 11 to receive one month of our winnings every year for the duration of our lives." I hear gasps and talking from the crowd. I am not even sure what I just did is legal, but I know it can change the lives of these two families.

I step back and look over at Katniss as she looks at me and I give her a small, sad smile. She rises up on her toes and gives me a light kiss. I know this is not one of her forced kisses, but a real kiss because of what I just did. I know the attachment she had and still has with Rue. This could help her family live the rest of their lives, never having to worry about being hungry.

The mayor steps up and gives us each a large plaque. They are so big Katniss has to sit her flowers down just to hold it. The ceremony is finally wrapping up and we are about to wave goodbye when I hear Katniss say, "Wait!" The crowd gets still and listens to the words that seem to be barely able to come out. "Wait, please." I can just hear Effie now, fussing about how the time for speeches are gone. "I want to give my thanks to the tributes of 11." She turns and looks at Thresh's family and quickly says, "I only ever spoke to Thresh one time. Just long enough for him to spare my life. I didn't know him, but I always respected him. For his power. For his refusal to play the Games on anyone's terms but his own. The Careers wanted him to team up with them from the beginning, but he wouldn't do it. I respected him for that." She pauses and slowly looks at the family of tiny people on the other side. The crowd is so quiet. Not a breath is heard as Katniss says, "But I feel as if I did know Rue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind." She closes her eyes and I know she is imagining these beautiful things. "I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house. I see her in the mockingjays that sing in the trees." She opens her eyes and looks at the family again. I am in awe of her. "But most of all, I see her in my sister, Prim." Her voice cracks and I know she is about to lose what little control she has, but she continues, "Thank you for your children." She raises her head and looks out at the crowd. "And thank you all for the bread." I forgot that District 11 sent her some of their baked bread after the tribute she gave to Rue.

There is a long pause while everyone processes the turn of events and then I hear a whistle. It takes me a moment to realize that it is the tune that Rue and Kantiss used in the Games to signal to each other. Before I am able to find the source of the whistling I see everyone in the crowd press their three middle fingers for their left hands to their lips and then into the air. It the sign we use in District 12 when we want to say goodbye to someone we love and respect. I stand in shock at this beautiful display of friendship between Districts. Katniss steps back and we wave to acknowledge the last wave of applause. I lead Katniss back towards the doors and Katniss suddenly stops, she looks like she might faint.

"Are you alright?" I ask, ready to throw my things down to catch her if needed.

"Just dizzy. The sun was so bright, "she says. She looks at my flowers and says something about forgetting hers.

"I'll get them," I say, but she shakes her head and says, "I can." It's is then that I realize that something worse is wrong. We wouldn't have even know about it if we didn't stop when Katniss got dizzy. There are two peacekeepers with an old man from the crowd. I don't remember anyone doing anything wrong, but they force him on his knees and shoot him right in the head. The man slumps to the ground and then we see nothing but a bunch of Peacekeepers blocking our view. A few even have their guns pointed towards us as we are pushed toward the door. What is going on?

"We're going!" I say, pushing back the Peacekeeper that is pushing down and Katniss. "We get it, alright?" I put my arm around Katniss protectively. "Come on, Katniss." I make our way back into the Justice Building and hear the doors close behind us. Haymitch, Effie, Cinna and Portia are waiting under a screen that must have been playing the event from outside. It is showing nothing but static right now. I wonder when they cut off the feed. I look around and no one really looks shocked so I am sure they are not aware of the murder of the old man. Again my brain cannot help but question what is going on.

"What happened?" Effie asks, coming over to us. "We lost the feed just after Katniss's beautiful speech." She touches Katniss's arm and continues, "Then Haymitch said he thought he heard gun fire and I said it was ridiculous, but who knows? There are lunatics everywhere!" She is clearly confused as to the process of events, just like I am. But we generally leave Effie out of the bad news loop so I say, "Nothing happened, Effie. An old truck backfired." We hear two more shots and I cannot help but wonder who those shots are for or if Peacekeepers are trying to retain order.

Haymitch suddenly looks at Katniss and myself and says, "Both of you. With me." This just confuses me further. Did we do something to cause this? Am I to get in trouble for offering money to the families? We follow Haymitch up a great staircase and into a room that is clearly for our use. Our clothes for the night's feast are hanging against the wall. I think this is end of our walk and we are about to finally figure out what is going on, but instead we sit our gifts down and Haymitch quickly takes our microphones and stuffs them in a couch. Then he waves for us to follow him.

I have no idea where he is headed or what his is looking for, but he leads us up staircases and down halls until we come to a ladder that leads through a trapdoor. When we finally get all in I realize we must be in the dome of the building. A place no one would think to look for us or even spy on us. Haymitch kicks the door shut and says, "What happened?" I look at Katniss and realize she must not be able to speak yet.

"After Katniss had her say about Rue and Thresh someone in the crowd did Rue's whistle from the Games. Before I found the whistler everyone on the square gave us our salute from home, almost like they all planned it," I say quickly, realizing that must be why they were able to do it in unison the way they did. "As we were leaving Katniss got dizzy and we paused. That's when we saw two Peacekeepers bring an old man up on stage and shoot him." After saying this all together I realize the old man must have been the one to whistle. Why would that be punishable by death though? "What's going on, Haymitch?" I ask

He sighs and looks at Katniss, "It will be better coming from you." I look between them and realize what I knew last night on the train, they have a secret, again. Something they are keeping from me, again. I keep my eyes on Katniss and can tell that even though she does not agree with Haymitch about her telling me this, she is about to launch into what is going on, what she has been keeping from me.

"Yesterday I had a visit from President Snow. Ever since we won the Games there has been….unrest in some of the districts. He said that since I was able to get both of us out of the games alive, undermining them really, people are thinking that maybe they could do the same." She pauses and takes a breath. I just stand there, eyes on hers, anger raising up in me with each passing word. "See, in the Capitol everyone believes that we are lovers that I am madly in love with you. People in the districts are not so quick to believe this though. He mentioned uprisings, but didn't really say if there have been any. He's been watching us since we came back from the games. He knows we hardly speak, that we, I mean that I used the star crossed lover's angle to get us both back home. He even knew that about a kiss from Gale!" This sentence hurts me more than I thought it would, but there are more pressing matters at the moment. "The trick with the berries, my trick have put us all in danger. I was supposed to fix things on this tour. Make everyone who doubted believe I acted out of love. Calm things down. But obviously, all I've done today is get three people killed, and now everyone in the square will be punished." She sits down, eyes on the floor.

I am so angry with them I can hardly contain myself. "Then I made things worse, too," I say, surprising myself with a calm voice. "By giving the money." Before I know what I am doing to hit a lamp that is on a crate and knock it across the room, shattering on the floor. "This has to stop." I say, my voice raising a bit, "Right now. This-this-game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I'm too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them." Haymitch has not said a word, just standing there listening to Katniss and myself.

"It's not like that, Peeta…,"Katniss begins. Anger flairs up inside me and next thing I know I am shouting at her.

"It's exactly like that! I have people I care about too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District 12 who will be just as dead as yours if we don't pull this thing off. So, after all we went through in the arena, don't I even rate the truth from you?" I think of my family and think of how I could be the reason they die tomorrow in some sort of accident, or some of my friends, a few who have just started working in the mines. I take a few deep breaths and feel a little better at the just slipped look on Katniss's face. I wait for her to say something, but instead Haymitch finally breaks his silence.

"You're always so reliably good, Peeta. So smart about how you present yourself before the cameras. I didn't want to disrupt that."

"Well, you overestimated me. Because I really screwed up today. What do you think is going to happen to Rue's and Thresh's families? Do you think they'll get their share of our winnings? Do you think I gave them a bright future? Because I think they'll be lucky if they survive the day!" I can feel myself breaking down, so I hit a statue and send it into the wall.

"He's right, Haymitch," Katniss says in a small voice. She looks so shocked at my action, my words. I am glad she is shocked. I need them to know they have to stop doing this to me. "We were wrong not to tell him. Even back in the Capitol." Something hits me then, something that has tugged on my mind since the Games.

"Even in the arena, you two had some sort of system worked out, didn't you?" I say quietly. "Something I wasn't part of."

"No," Katniss says, but she starts speaking again after looking at the disbelieving look on my face. "Not officially. I just could tell what Haymitch wanted me to do by what he sent, or didn't send." Of course.

"Well, I never had that opportunity. Because he never sent me anything until you showed up." Not that I really minded. I knew only one person could win and I really wanted it to be Katniss.

"Look, boy….,"Haymitch begins, but I cut him off.

"Don't bother, Haymitch. I know you had to choose one of us. And I'd have wanted it to be her. But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we're very good. We all know I'm better than Katniss in front of the cameras. No one needs to coach me on what to say. But I have to know what I'm walking into." I look at Haymitch square in the eye until he answers,

"From now on, you'll be fully informed." Sounds like a promise to me and I know that is something Haymitch will not go back on.

"I better be," I say, not looking at Katniss and kicking the door open. I quickly climb down the ladder, still taking care to watch my artificial leg. I wander back towards the room where our clothes are, getting lost few times because I am not really paying attention to where I am going. My mind is still reeling at this new information. That must have been the car in front of Katniss's house early yesterday. I think of how much I really have to loose. It's not until I am ticking names off in my head that I realize that the one person it would hurt most to lose is Katniss. I could deal with my friends, my family, my father even. But Katniss has been, without her knowledge, the center of my life since we were five. I can still see her standing there in front of the class singing the Valley Song in such a sweet voice. Two braids, red plaid dress. So adorable.

So yes, I will play my part. Not much playing on my part because no matter how much she does to me, I just cannot let the love I have for her die.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for reading my story! I am very excited to be sharing Peeta's point of view. I never share my work and it is nice to hear that a few of you like to read it. I really am not wanting to change the story, but I always wondered what Catching Fire would be from Peeta's point of view. Please keep reading and posting comments/feedback!

"You should not have gone after Katniss like that," Haymitch says to me from the other side of the shower door. Suddenly hearing his voice makes me pour too much soap into my hand, but otherwise doesn't scare me as much as I would have thought. I consider for a moment about not answering, but I just sigh.

"Why not?" I ask. I am still very, very angry at both of them. But of course, I forgive them too. It's just not in my nature to hold on to things. "She had plenty of opportunity to tell me what was going on, even after the visit from Snow. You could have said something too, you know." I quickly wash off my body and grab my towel that is hanging from the shower door. Haymitch doesn't say anything until I have already stepped out, towel firmly in place on my hips.

"She wanted to tell you. She wanted to grab you out of bed last night and spill it all, but I told her not to. I told her to keep it between the two of us. I didn't think you would do something as crazy as give away a portion of your winnings. You could have told me about that little stunt also." I look down, a bit ashamed, but I don't tell him it wasn't something I planned. I have already decided that I acted too harshly to Katniss and Haymitch, but it wasn't something I wanted to admit to yet. I guess I wanted them to feel a little bad for not including me, because it still stings when I think about them keeping secrets from me.

"Peeta?" There's a small knock on the door and Caesar is there waiting for me to finish with the shower. When he stops Haymitch he starts apologizing for interrupting.

"No, it's fine. We are done here," I say quickly and walk past Haymitch without another glance.

My prep team is talking their heads off while getting me ready. I don't listen, I really never do. Most of the time they are talking so fast I wouldn't be able to follow if I wanted to. Tonight I am thinking of how I can possibly save this tour. How I can make the people of Panem believe that Katniss is really in love with me. All different kinds of ideas are coming through my head.

Funny, with the threat of losing my life, the lives of my family, friends, Katniss, everyone who is anything to me and what I keep coming back to is the kiss she mentioned with Gale. I have always wondering what they have shared in the woods beyond out district. If they are really together or just really close because both of them being the oldest in the family and losing their fathers so young.

I am so lost in thought I do not even remember what Portia put me in and I really do not come back to my surroundings until I see Katniss, looking breathtaking in a long strapless pink dress with a silver throw around her shoulders. Her hair is gathered in the back, but there are curls cascading down her back. Breathtaking. I can see her nerves are getting the best of her as well. Cinna is standing in front of her and whispers something to her. I see her give a small smile and Cinna nods and walks away.

Effie gathers us together to run through the night's agenda. She seems upset about something, even though I know she wouldn't know about what happened on the square this afternoon. Cinna asks her what is wrong and she sniffs and answers, "I don't like the way we are being treated. Being stuffed into trucks and barred from the platform." She shakes her head. This morning I really wasn't sure if this is how they treated the victor's during the tour, but now I know that we must be getting treated this way because of the berries and the possible uprisings from the Districts. "And then, about an hour ago, I decided to look around the Justice Building. I'm something of an expert in architectural design, you know" I am very surprised, Effie, an expert on architectural? There is a small pause, then Portia quickly says, "Oh, yes, I've heard that." Thank you for that quick thinking Portia! I think to myself. We don't want to hurt Effie's feeling worse than they already are.

"So," continues Effie, "I was just having a peek around because district ruins are going to be all the rage this year, when two Peacekeepers showed up and ordered me back to our quarters! One of them actually poked me with her gun!" Clearly this is very upsetting and confusing to Effie. She has no idea about any kind of unrest or problems. I am about to say something nice or maybe give her a hug when Katniss gives her a rare hug.

"That's awful, Effie. Maybe we shouldn't go to the dinner at all. At least until they've apologized," I hear Katniss say, but I am still having trouble with this exchange. Katniss is normally not one for words or hugs or anything like that. Of course, Effie would never agree to skip the dinner. We have to keep up our appearances. She looks very happy that someone is agreeing her, but says quickly,

"No, I'll manage. It's part of my job to weather the ups and downs. And we can't let you two miss your dinner." She manages a small smile and says, very sincerely, "But thank you for the offer, Katniss."

Then Effie goes back to her business as usual smile and arranges us to enter the room. Our prep teams go first, the Effie, our stylists, Haymitch and then us. "Make sure you let Haymitch go down fifteen steps before you follow," Effie says right before she leaves.

I take Katniss by the hand and realize that this is as good as a time as any to tell her I'm sorry for my actions earlier.

"Haymitch says I was wrong to yell at you. You were only operating under his instructions." Haymitch starts his way down the stairs and I start counting, one, two, three…"And it isn't as if I haven't kept things from you in the past." That I was madly in love with her, Haymitch told me to keep that to myself before the Games and my plan to join the Career's to try to protect her. Six, seven, eight…..

"I think I broke a few things myself after that interview," Katniss says, looking down.

"Just an urn," I say, smiling a bit at the memory. Ten, Eleven, Twelve…..

"And your hands. There's no point to it anymore, though, is there? Not being straight with each other?" she asks, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. Thirteen….."No point," I agree. Almost out of time. I have to ask her.

"Was that really the only time you kissed Gale?" I say quickly. She is so surprised by the turn of the conversation that she quickly says, "Yes," and I know she is telling the truth. Time's up.

"That's fifteen. Let's do it." The light hits us and I put on the smile I reserve for only the Capitol. We go down the stairs and we keep smiling until it feels like my face will fall off. The food is great, by the way people are eating and the party must be a good one too by the way people are talking and laughing. The night seems to go on forever. At exactly eleven o'clock pm we are all back on the train and are pulling out of District 11. I tell everyone good night after a cup of hot chocolate and excuse myself to my room. I know there is no way I will be able to sleep anytime soon, but I really just needed to be alone.

While smiling and talking with people I will probably never see again in my life I got to thinking about the future. Such an inappropriate time to think of such things, but I was just hoping that we could get through this tour and go home and get back to normal. Then it hit me. It will never be over…..never. In a few months is the Quarter Quell, the next games. Katniss, Haymitch and I are victors and we will be mentoring the poor kids who have the unfortunate to get reaped this year. That will so be difficult in itself, but then I realized that we are stuck, Katniss and I, are stuck being the star-crossed lovers until one of us dies….what will we be expected to do? Keep up the appearances, surely. One day the Capitol audience will grow tired of it and expect more….marriage? Kids? Although I secretly wish I would marry Katniss, I want it to be because she is in love with me too, not because it is expected. Not because a sword is over her head. But also, I have to admit, I long for it. Of course I do. I cannot shake this girl.

I shake my head to rid it of the thoughts. My mind will not let go of Katniss is a beautiful dress, maybe a deep forest green, for us to get married, or maybe they will make her wear white, like in Capitol weddings. Of course, for us both, it wouldn't be complete, not feeling right, if you will, unless we did the ritual that is common in our District. I imagine each district has something special they do when two people fall in love and commit to each other for life. Ug! I have to stop thinking about this. I will not ask her to marry me because of this! Would I?

I'm not sure how long I sat on my bed, still clothed in my evening attire, imagining the future I want to have with Katniss, something I know will never be true. I finally make myself move and look at the clock. It is almost one am. I might as well try to get some kind of sleep. I change into a pair of soft pajamas and climb into bed. I lay my head on the pillow and suddenly realize that I am very tired. I fall asleep almost immediately.

It feels like seconds later I am frozen stiff in my bed, the nightmare of the mutton dogs from the arena slowly fading back into my subconscious. Even though I know, now, it was a dream, it still takes me a few minutes before I am able to move. I glance at the clock. Four am. The train is so quiet, you can barely tell you are moving. Suddenly I feel trapped. I quickly get out of bed, run to the door and pull the door open. It is so dark outside I cannot even see what is passing outside. I wish I could open it. I must have missed the regular stop for fuel.

As I am longing for a cool breeze and slowly walking down the corridor in the train, I hear a small whimper. Curious, I keep walking slowly toward the door the noise came out of. Katniss's room. Suddenly a blood curdling scream fills the corridor, runs a chill right down my spine. No matter how scared I am of anything, the most fearful thing is losing this girl! I throw the door open, so scared of what I might find. Did Snow send someone to torture her?

She is sitting straight up in bed, eyes open, but seeing things only she can see. The nightmares. Of course. I slowly walk over to her bed. She doesn't notice me, she is still seeing the horrors in her head. I carefully sit on the bed and take her left hand in both of mine. She instantly moves her right hand around to hit me in the face, defending herself. I am too quick and grab her other hand and hold them both in one of mine.

"Katniss?" I say in a soothing voice. I take my other hand and gently shake her shoulder. "Katniss, wake up." She is no longer screaming, but is still breathing heavy and trying to flail her arms. Luckily she is not kicking. I am not sure I could stop that kind of assault. Her eyes are wide open, but glossed over and I know she is still stuck in her mind. "Katniss!" I say louder. "It's me, Peeta. It's just a dream." I shake her shoulder a little harder and she finally blinks and shakes her head.

"Peeta?" she asks thickly. Her eyes focus on my face. I put my hand on the side of her face and say, "You were having a nightmare." She leans into my hand and nods. I feel wetness against my hand and see a few tears fall out under her eyelids. I take both of my hands and wipe the tears off her cheeks.

"Sorry," she whispers, clearly still shaken from the dream.

"It's okay. I understand." She nods. She knows that all three of us have reasons for some of the worse dreams. She stretches and shakes her head. I let my hands drop and just wait. I want to make sure she is ok before I leave. She looks at me again, in better control of herself and asks, "Did I wake you?"

"No. I was walking around and heard you," I answer. She nods and looks around. "I think the train makes the nightmares worse. It's like I am trapped again." I nod, completely understanding how she feels. I get up and smile.

"Well, goodnight, Katniss."

"Goodnight Peeta," she says quietly. I can tell she is afraid to go back to sleep and I want to just hold her until she is happy again, but it is not right for me to stay. I wave and walk out the door, closing the door behind me. I stand on the other side of the door just wishing things were different. I decide to walk around the train. There's no one up and it is so quiet you can almost hear the wind as the train speeds down the tracks. I go to the end of the train and sit next to the windows, but do not retract them to look outside. I sit on one of the comfortable chairs and settle in, visions of the horrible deaths I witnessed in the games, visions of things that could happen if Katniss and I do not pull this off. While sitting there thinking and seeing things that could happen to my family, friends and myself, I drift off into an uneasy sleep.

"There you are!" I here from above my head. I open my eyes to see Effie standing over me with a disapproving look on her face. "You can't sleep in your room? Are the blankets not comfortable enough? We can change the mattress…" I stand up and stretch, my body is stiff from sleeping in the chair.

"No, Effie. The bed and covers are just fine. I just couldn't sleep and ended up falling asleep in here. Nothing to be done about it, I just do not sleep well lately," I say thickly. "What time is it?"

This question snaps Effie back into her business like attitude. "Nearly eleven. Your team came to wake you and couldn't find you. We were beginning to think you got left at our nighttime fuel stop."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you guys worry." I walk back to my room with Effie behind me muttering about time and her endless schedule.

District 10 is almost all farmland. There are fields and fields of cows. Milking cows and the beef cows. There is a certain stench in the air that I guess comes along with the cows, something like what we hear about when new people come to our little coal mining town.

The day goes without any kind of incident, like what happened in District 11. We give the Capitol prepared speech, receive our plaques and eat our dinner. The food is amazing, of course, everyone is polite, Katinss and I even sneak in a few kisses and caught looking at each other like we are deliriously in love with each other. When we are finally back on the train I go to my room without sitting with everyone like we did the night before. Knowing that the love I feel from Katniss is just an act is so exhausting to me. I find myself not having to act when it comes to this. Most of the time I even forget that it is an act on her part and let myself be happy in the moment. Then we get into the train and it all comes back to me. The way she acts though I know she cares about me on some level. She has to keep me alive and protect me while we were arena.

I find myself just setting on my bed again, not moving, just letting the sadness take over every part of my mind, my body.

I finally get up and make myself pull on pajama pants and climb into bed. I really want to get up and walk around the train again, but I don't want to fall asleep some place other than my room again. After about an hour of laying and looking at the same spot on the ceiling I give up and go out of my room. I just cannot rest my mind. It is like it is running on overdrive. I find myself walking up and down the hallway, back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes I hear talking from Haymitch's room, whimpering from Katniss's and snoring from the room that holds either Cinna or Portia, I cannot remember which.

It must have been hours later when I hear a scream coming from Katniss's room. I know it is the dreams again and I hesitate at the door. Am I crossing a line by going into her room again? She seemed relieved when I was in there last night. I quickly look around to make sure no one sees me and I open the door and step inside. Tonight she is trashing around in her bed, trying to hit and kick at the nightmares. I walk the few steps to her bed and look at her for a moment. The features on her face are twisted in terror and I just cannot take her being so scared.

I sit on the side of the bed and reach out for her shoulder. Suddenly she jumps up and I am knocked off the bed. "No! Rue!" she screams. I crawl on my knees right up to her and put my hands on each shoulder. I shake her gently at first, but her eyes are glossed over and I shake harder.

"Katniss! It's alright," I say gently. "Wake up, you are dreaming. Come on. Come back to me," I almost beg. In that moment I realize that I need her so much. Even if it is mostly just for show on her part.

She blinks her eyes and shakes her head. "Peeta?" she asks, her voice hoarse from screaming, just like she did last night. She looks up into my eyes and I realize that I have tears in them. She gets confused, almost like she doesn't realize she is awake. "Peeta?" she says again, reaching her hand up and putting it on the side of my face.

"Katniss. I'm so sorry. You were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you. You sounded so desperate. It took me by surprise," I explain quickly.

"It's fine. I am glad you are here. Your presence makes the dreams go away faster. When I hear your voice….when I hear it, it's like you are pulling me away from the darkness." I push the hair away from her face and she leans into my hand. "I feel so much safer when I wake up to your face, your voice." I can tell it is hard for her to admit this, especially to me. She is not used to leaning on people for support.

"I'm more than happy to help." I smile and go to get off the bed.

"No, Peeta. Please…..." Katniss begins, almost afraid. "Stay with me." I am taking back at the request. What is she asking me? I look into her eyes and see past the small amount of embarrassment into the fear that is just laying beneath, something she tries so hard to hide every day.

"Of course I will." She scoots over so I can lay down next to her. I lay my arm out for her to lay against me. I guess I should have thought about putting on a shirt. Oh well, too late now. I find a strand of Katniss's hair and start twirling it through my fingers. We haven't been this close since the last day in the arena, laying in our little cave waiting for the rain to quit, unsure if we would live through the next day. I cannot see her face, but my mind in so calm that I know I will be able to finally sleep, at least for a little while and I hope that she feels the same way. Not much later I feel Katniss's breathing become deep and steady and I know I can finally let go and get some rest. I think about sneaking out so we are not caught in the same bed in the morning, but I decide I just really do not care who finds us. After a months of dreading sleep, I finally find myself smiling as I drift off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Every night after District 10 Katniss and I sleep in her bed. The contact that we have either makes the nightmares less real, more dreamlike or the presence of other one makes calming down much easier. Sleeping together is innocent, I would never treat Katniss otherwise, but still we hear people talking about it on the train. Haymitch just rolls his eyes when Effie obviously tries to tell him to convince us to stop. I overhear the end of the conversation when I step into the dining car a little before lunch one day. "Let them be," I hear Haymitch say. He catches sight of me and whispers, "I wish I could have had someone to make the nightmares better." It's normally that we hear Haymitch talk about himself and I know he wouldn't want me to say anything about what I heard.

A few night later, after our visit to District 4, Katniss and I are laying in her bed and she says, "You know, Effie talked to me about this today. Asked me if we could try to be a bit more discreet. I told her we would try, but I really don't want to change anything." Again I know her saying these kinds of things is very difficult for her, so I stay quiet as she explains. "Even though the dreams are still there you help me come back to reality so much quicker. I am able to catch your voice and it pulls me right out." She pauses and buries her face into my chest. "I need you to be here," she confesses. I give her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and take a chance on giving her a kiss on the head.

"Katniss, you know how I feel about you. I will be here for you whenever, wherever and however you need me to. You can bet on that," I say quietly. She nods and settles in to drift off and I know that I will soon do the same.

We are exhausted when we finally pull into the station in the Capitol. Katniss has lost at least 15 pounds despite the rich food we are constantly being served. There is defiantly unrest in the Districts. The crowds never riot or anything during our ceremonies, but you can feel it in the atmosphere, the people in the Districts are tired of the Capitol and the hold they have on us. The Capitol is endless celebrations. We are their sweethearts, they have no clue what is going on beyond the limits of their privileged city.

We are staying in the same quarters that we did before the games. Haymitch, Katniss and I are sitting around in the little sitting room, the same one where we watched our scores a few days before going into the arena. We are not really talking, but I can tell that we are all worried about the possibility of uprisings in the Districts and I have a feeling seeing us on the tour, no matter how much Katniss and I tried, just made the situation worse.

"Maybe you should propose?" Katniss says in a small voice. I am shocked. Even though I thought about this once before, I really didn't want to do it this way. Being forced. Even though I long for it to happen, I want Katniss to love me the way I love her and want to marry me.

Haymitch just looks at her and then he looks at me, sadness in the features of his face. He must have known this would be the course we would have to take since every year during the games we will have to go back to the star-crossed lover's routine. I sigh and say, "Let's do it." Then I get up and walk to my room before I could cry or say what I really think.

What do I really think? So many things at one time. But mainly I am thinking that I really wish that I would have died in that arena, before Katniss could have found me, before the games makers decided to pretend to change the rules and let two victors as long as they come from the same District. I have no doubt that Katniss could have won the games against Thresh, Cato and Foxface. Then she would be free to live the life she wanted, that she deserved. She could marry if she wanted, to whomever she wanted, not because she is trying to please the president and the people of Panem, but because she loved that person and wanted to live the rest of her life with them. Instead she is stuck with me. Not that I am horrible and not that we do not have a connection, she may even grow to love me one day. Not that I wouldn't treat her with all the respect that she deserves. To know that doing this could make her unhappy, for the rest of her life, is almost unbearable. She deserves to live the life she wants and I would do anything to give that to her.

It seems like minutes later when I look up and see the sky growing dark. Dinner will be soon and I need to get myself presentable. I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. It isn't until then I realize that I have been crying. I just cannot make things right for Katniss. I should have never confessed my love for her or at least died in that damn arena like I was supposed to.

This is not the way to compose myself. I strip down and step into a shower. I turn the water on as hot as I can stand it and wash myself off. The hot water calms my muscles and almost seems to clear my head of the fog that come along with all my self-loathing. I know what I have to do to keep her safe. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and protect the people I love. Mainly Katniss.

Dinner is a very quiet affair that night. I want to let Katniss know that my disappearance this afternoon was just my way of dealing with the stress and that I am still with her, 100%, but this is not the time or the place to have such a conversation. I save it for bed, since we are still sleeping in the same room. I am secretly hoping that word will get back to President Snow, maybe even rumors started around the Capitol about us already sharing a bed, but the attendants from the train and in our rooms at the Training Center are very quiet about it.

Since I took a shower earlier I just change into my pajama pants and slip in Katniss's room. I can hear the shower running so I just quietly wait in the bed while Katniss prepares herself in the adjoining bathroom. I'm not really sure what I am going to say to her. I just need her to know that I will do all in my power to keep her safe. That includes asking her to marry me in front of the entire country tomorrow.

When she walks out of the bathroom she seems a bit surprised to see me in the bed. I wonder why that is? Does she think I do not want to be her with her? I think I might be wrong at that because she smiles warmly and walks over to the bed.

"I was afraid you would still be mad at me and wouldn't be here," she says quietly. She sits down next to me, her eyes on the blanket.

Her words surprise me. "Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?" I ask, honestly curious at how she came to this conclusion. I infuriate myself by never really doing right by her, at least not in my eyes.

Her eyebrows come together as she thinks of an answer. "Because of us having to get married. Because no matter how it plays out, you will be hurting." Wow. She actually thinks marring her will be painful to me? No, that pain is the pain of her not having a choice in the matter. I put my hand on her chin and pull her head up so I can look into her eyes.

"I was not mad. I just wish it could be different. I wish you wanted to marry me for all the reasons I want to marry you, not because you are afraid of who might get hurt otherwise. See, knowing I am taking right from you, one of the few rights we have in the country, just because I had to admit my feelings for you in front of everyone and start this ball rolling." I wonder if her thoughts are on Gale and whatever they had together but she is shaking her head.

"No, Peeta. This is on me. I am the one who pulled the berry stunt. I played the audience and made them believe that I was madly in love with you. I am the one who didn't tell you the truth. Me. Not you. You are so good, you know exactly what to do, how to do it and get it right every time." Except not dying when it needed to happen, I think.

"I think we are at odds, Katniss. I think it is my fault, you think it is your fault. Let's just call it a draw and try to get some sleep." She smiles and nods. I scoot down in bed and hold my arms out to her. She falls into the willingly and in no time we are both into our normal, restless, nightmare filled dreams.

The next night we are on stage in front of a live audience, in front of all of Panem, since this is required viewing for all the Districts. Caesar Flickerman, his hair, lips and eyes still dyed the light blue color, looks perfect in a dark blue suit. He asks us questions. Seems like a million questions. How is life back in District 11, how are our talents coming along, how are we liking the new houses, how we spend our days, how our families are doing. We spend a good thirty minutes just talking about Prim, Caesar and the rest of the Capitol adore her. We talk about how we are enjoying each other's company away from all the cameras. "Where you two can really be alone," he adds with a sly wink. I smile and say, "Nothing is better than a love you can share with the world." The audience sighs in unison. I know the big moment is getting close and I am getting more and more nervous with every passing word. "And what do you two kids have planned for the future?," is the very next question out of Caesar's mouth. I pull a huge smile and respond, "I was kind of hoping we would touch on that subject today." Mouth dry and with slipper palms I take Katniss by the hand and pull her up with me off the small couch they reserve for our interviews.

"Katniss Everdeen," I begin, sliding down onto my good knee. "I love you more that life itself. Our love has bet the most impossible odds," there is not sound in the room. I wonder if anyone is even breathing. I pull out the ring Haymitch and I picked our earlier that day. A simple gold band with a small stone in the center. "Living life without you will be like living without my soul. Living one lifetime with you will just scrape upon the eternity that our love will last." I take her left hand and slide the ring onto her third finger. The finger that has that one little vein to her heart. I wonder if she knows what this means to me. Even though I know she will say yes and she is only saying yes to save the people she loves, including Gale, this is still the most important thing I have ever done in my entire life. "I know I will not survive if I am without you. Please. Please say you will honor me by being my wife." My voice gets thick and I feel small tears falling down my face, but I do not care. "Please, Katniss, say that you will marry me."

I look into her eyes and I know that she knows I am not just putting on a good show. This is as real for me as it gets. She has small tears around her eyes as she accepts my proposal and I jump up and bury my face into her shoulder. Get a grip, Peeta! I yell at myself. I whisper, "I love you," so quietly I am not even sure she will hear. The crowd is going nuts. Periodic shots around the rest of the country shows happy faces as well, although I am not sure I trust the looks on the faces of some of our fellow countrymen, but right now, I think we might have actually done it.

President Snow comes out right after Caesar has gotten the crowd to settle down. He grabs my hand and gives it a hearty shake with a hard slap to the shoulder. I smile and pray that him surprising us tonight is a good sign. What is that? Roses? That is so strong. What else was the smell from him, iron? I just cannot place it. He gives Katniss a hug and she seems staggered. Out of the corner of my eye I see her raise her eyebrows at him…..a small, silent question. A quickly, so quickly that I might have imagined it, I see him do a very small shake with his head. My heart sinks. We didn't do it? What else could we have done to convince people of our love? Katniss just smiles, a smile that does not seem forced at all, and straightens her back.

President Snow gets the crowd quiet and asks, "What do you think about s throwing them a wedding right here in the Capitol?" I smile widely at the suggestion and Katniss seems overjoyed. Of course, this is the way he can make sure it really happens.

"Do you have a specific date in mind, Mr. Presdient?" Caesar asks.

"Oh," Snow says, shaking his head a bit, "Before we set a date, we better clear it with Katniss's mother." Everyone laughs and Snow put an arm around Katniss's shoulders. "Maybe if the whole country puts its mind to it, we can get you married before you're thirty," he jokes.

Katniss surprises me with a small giggle, one that doesn't sound forced and says, "You'll probably have to pass a new law."

Snow shrugs and says, "If that's what it takes." He keeps a smile in place and the show ends on the high note that we will be getting married in the Capitol, in front of every person in Panem. Snow leaves as soon as the cameras are off and I get the chance to pull Katniss to the side and make sure she is ok.

"Yes. Overwhelmed, but I'm ok." I have to take her at her word because at that moment she is escorted back to her room to prepare for the nights big party. The final party before we head home is in the mansion of none other than President Snow. It is amazing the amount of decorating and energy they put into these parties. There are comfortable looking chairs everywhere, around dining tables, off to themselves in corners and close to cozy fireplaces. There is an area in the middle of the room that mainly serves as a stage/dance floor.

The food is the main thing, it seems. Not even the star-crossed lovers can compete with it. There are too many tables to count covered in thinking linens and full of all different kinds of food. There are things you are used to, the lamb stew Katniss loves so much, nuts, fruit, bread, vegetables, candy, cookies, even whole roasted cows and goats. I think even a pig might be slowly spinning as well.

Katniss looks at me, excitement in her eyes and says, "I want to taste everything in the room." I look at her confused, I know she must be worried, but maybe she is excited about our engagement? Maybe she really cares more about me that I think. I quickly control my expression since we are still on camera, smile and say, "Then you'd better pace yourself."

"Okay," she says, smiling also. "No more than one bite of each dish." We begin going table to table taking small bites of dish after dish. We have greeted by everyone we come across. Some just say hello, some seem too excited or scared to say anything and others trying to tell us everything there is to know about them. We nod, answer questions and smile for pictures. A lot of smiling, a lot of pictures. I begin to notice something as we look around at people. There is an oddly familiar little bird that has seemed to have cropped up in the Capitol as of late. Katniss's little mockingjay seems to be everywhere. We see embroidered ones, stamped ones, a few tattoos in places I don't want to see again. One lady even had her hair styles to look something like it. This must be what they call a fashion craze…..

As Katniss hands me a piece of some kind of bird covered in a delicious orange sauce I see her prep team coming towards us. I quickly finish the bird and turn to greet them. They seem to be more along the lines of Haymitch on a normal day than the team I am used to seeing.

"Why aren't you eating," The one I believe is named Octavia asks.

"I have been," Katniss explains. "But I can't hold another bite!" They three of them laugh like that is just ridiculous to say. I stand quietly while the one with the curly, orange hair exclaims, "No one lets that stop them!" They motion for us to follow them to a table that is covered small wineglasses full of clear liquid. "Drink this!" Curious, I pick one up to try it and they all start laughing hysterically again.

"Not here!" Octavia screeches.

The last one, the one with blue hair and gold tattoos, points to the restrooms and says, "You have to do it in there, or you'll get it all over the floor!" What? A drink to make you sick so you can eat more? Are they serious? "You mean this will make me puke?" I ask, barely controlling my anger. They just continue to laugh as Octavia says, "Of course, so you can keep eating. I've been in there twice already. Everyone does it, or else how would you have any fun at a feast?" I carefully sit the little glass back down and turn away from the table.

"Come on, Katniss, let's dance," I say, pulling her away from the crude little drink in the small, little glasses. We make or way to the dance floor and I pull Katniss into my arms and begin to sway in a small circle to the music. I am so angry I can barely breathe. I have seen so many people go hungry at home. I was one of the lucky ones, being a merchant's son, but I still know what it feels like to be hungry. I can see Katniss now, soaked from the rain, skin tight over her cheek bones, looking in our garbage cans for something, anything to eat. To take to her family. And here, in the Capitol, people make themselves sick just so they can eat more food. For entertainment, for fun.

"You go along," I say in a small voice. "Thinking you can deal with it, thinking maybe they're not so bad, and then you…."I stop talking before I can say something that will get us both into a heap of trouble.

"Peeta," Katniss begins, "They bring us here to fight to the death for their entertainment. Really, this is nothing by comparison." She's right, but it still makes me sick.

"I know. I know that," I say quietly, still slowly moving us in our little circle. "It's just sometimes I can't stand it anymore. To the point where….."I pause, too afraid to put my true thoughts into words. "I'm not sure what I'll do." I stop for a moment, lean down and whisper. "Maybe we were wrong, Katniss."

"About what?" she asks, confused.

"About trying to subdue the districts," I say in such a small whisper I wonder if she can hear me. I know she does though, because her head whips from side to side quickly and I look around too. Luckily the camera crew is busy at a table of food and no one on the dance floor is paying us any attention. "Sorry," say quickly.

"Save it for home," she says as Portia shows up with a man who looks like he might have been one of the gamemakers in the last games. I think I remember him from our individual evaluation.

"Katniss, Peeta, this is Plutarch Heavensbee. He is our new Head Gamemaker this year," Portia says. I smile and shake his hand.

"May I cut in?" Plutarch asks me, gesturing to Katniss. I smile and put her hand in his.

"Just don't get too attached," I say jokingly. I

I know Katniss is uncomfortable, but in this situation dancing with him is better than declining. I back away and Portia takes my arm.

"I want to show you something," she says. She leads me over to a table covered in beautiful cakes.

"Wow," is all I can say before I am bombarded by the bakers. I cannot help myself. I begin to ask questions. How they achieved that color, what kind of dyes do they use, how to make the icing that smooth, make the cakes stay so moist. The bakers seem delighted at my interest. I want to look closer at the cakes, really examine them, but I am having trouble concentrating with the music, people stopping to talk and congratulate me and the lights flashing different colors every so often.

"Would it be possible to take some home to look over? I really want to learn these techniques," I ask, doubtfully.

"Of course," one of the bakers says. That is when Katniss finds me. I feel sort of guilty leaving her along here of all places, but she seems to still be in pretty good spirits. I take her hand and pull her close.

"Effie said we have to be on the train at one," I say. It has to be getting late. "I wonder what time it is," I glance at the walls, trying to find some kind of clock.

"Almost midnight," Katniss says. I watch her grab a chocolate flower from one of the cakes and smile at what Effie would be saying to her right now.

"Time to say thank you and farewell!" Effie says from right behind us, startling me a bit. We walk through the room, collecting Portia and Cinna, telling people goodbye when Effie points them out to us. What about our dear president?

"Shouldn't we thank President Snow?" I ask. "It's his house." Surely that would be the right thing to do.

"Oh, he's not a big one for parties," Effie says quickly. "I've already arranged for the necessary notes and gifts to be sent to him tomorrow." She looks around and says, "There you are!" Haymitch is draped between two Capitol attendants, clearly enjoying the party a bit too much.

The ride back to the train takes a little longer due to people being out in the streets celebrating. I am afraid we will not make it back to the train by one o'clock, but I do not know why I would question Effie's planning. At exactly one o'clock we are all on the train, settled around a table waiting for some tea. Everyone except Haymitch, who got taken straight to his room and are pulling out of the station.

Effie is still in business mode and reminds us that we still have the Harvest Festival in District 12 to attend. "I suggest we all drink our and tea go straight to bed," she says. Everyone agrees and one by one we make our way to our rooms. Katniss and I wait until Effie has excused herself and walk to Katniss's room hand in hand. We are both exhausted and don't talk while we prepare to go to bed. Since we clearly have not stopped staying in the same room my pajama pants have shown up in the top drawer of the dresser in Katniss's room. Katniss gets ready in the bathroom as I get ready in the bedroom. She always takes a long time and I wonder if it is because she is afraid to catch me before I am able to get dressed. While I scoot in to the bed and get in my normal position I think about how she blushed when she washed the dirt and grim off my body in the arena, how she would not look at my while I pulled off my undershorts and threw them at her in the stream.

When she finally walks out of the bathroom I just cannot help but be happy. I know this, us sleeping together, is just so we both can sleep easier, but having her in my arms makes so happy words cannot even describe it. I love the feeling of her laying on my chest, her even breath when she finally gets to sleep, the feeling of her hair against my hand. I am smiling while she climbs in bed and she looks at me and says, "What?" I just shake my head. I don't want to tell her what I am thinking because I don't want her to think she is playing with my heart. I know exactly what I am doing and I will take any pain to have these moments with her.

When I finally wake up to realize with a jolt that it is the afternoon. Katniss is snoring slightly on my arm. No nightmares of my own and no waking up to nightmares of Katniss? Wow. I have forgot what it is like to get a goodnights sleep. I don't move, not wanting to wake up Katniss.

Just like last night I cannot help but be happy in the moment. The girl I love is here with me, trusting me to help her during the time that she is the most vulnerable. I could stay in this moment forever, right here with her. I look down when I feel her turn. She looks at me and I think she might have forgot that I stayed with her last night.

"No nightmares," I say.

She seems confused. "What?"

"You didn't have any nightmares last night," I explain, my fingers playing with a lock of her hair.

He pauses as she lets that sink in. "I had a dream, though," she says, clearly trying to remember. "I was following a mockingjay through the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang it had her voice." She smiles at the memory and I ask, "Where did she take you?" I brush a few loose strands of hair off her forehead.

"I don't know," she ponders. "We never arrived. But I felt happy."

"Well," I say, smiling at her smile, "You slept like you were happy." She keeps the smile on her face for a few moments, but slowly it droops and she looks away from my face.

"Peeta," she begins, "How come I never know when you're having a nightmare?" Oh, I guess I have never woke her during one of mine.

"I don't know," I say quietly. "I don't think I cry out or trash around or anything. I just come too, paralyzed with terror." I remember the dream I had the night before last. Cato had Katniss tied to a tree while Clove slowly sticks shiny knives into her body. Each time she screamed I felt like something was clawing at my heart. I could never free myself from the grip on me by Marvel and Glimmer. I woke up, frozen in my terror, stuck while I realized where I was and that Katniss was sleeping next to me.

Katniss snaps me back to reality. "You should wake me," she says, looking up at me. I look down into her eyes and compelled to tell the truth.

"It's not necessary," I say and explain, "My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm okay once I realize you're here." I see her eyes tighten and I immediately feel guilty for telling the truth, but I continue my thought, "Be worse when we're home and I'm sleeping alone again." I hope I don't hurt her feeling too bad. I want her to know that I just want to tell her the truth and that we are in this together. I do not expect anything from her. I start to explain this to her, but then we hear rapping on the door. Effie is reminding us about another "Big, big day!" I sigh and realize that I will have to put this off, again. Katniss looks at me for a few more moments. I am not sure what she sees in my eyes, but before she gets out of bed she kisses me. I am surprised by her lips on mine. Not for show, but because she felt the need. I kiss her back and hug her body to mine. No, no. This is not supposed to happen. I promised myself I would not do this. But while she is not stopping the kiss, neither am I. She seems to come to her senses and lightly pushes away from me. She gives me one small kiss on the forehead and goes into the bathroom.

I lay in bed for a few moments. I feel horrible about kissing her that way. I feel like I am taking advantage of the situation. I cannot believe I let myself do that! I should have just politely pulled away. I do not want Katniss to think I have any kind of expectations when it comes to this sort of thing. Even after we are married, I would never expect her to do anything that she didn't want to do. Or anything she didn't want to do while we are alone, without the pressure of the Capitol.

I am so confused. I get up and walk back to my room where my prep team is waiting. They do not seem to notice my distraction. I want to have Katniss. I want her to marry me, I want to kiss her, hold her for the rest of my life. But I know she is only doing it to keep us all alive. If only there was a way we could fall out of love in the public eye. But how could that happen?


	6. Chapter 6

A few days later I find Katniss coming into Victor's Village. She looks up and forces a smile onto her face. I can tell she has been in the woods, probably with Gale since it is Sunday. Something about the look on her face makes me think she didn't have a good visit with her best friend.

"Been hunting?" I ask. I really wish she would stop since we are all being watched. I fear that one day she will disappear into the woods and never come back.

"Not really. Going to town?" She looks back toward town. She seems like she wants to say something.

"Yes. I am supposed to eat dinner with my family," I answer. Luckily I decided to leave early, since I know Katniss wants to talk about something. I will wait until she brings it up, though.

"Well, I can at least walk you in," she says. This is wise because if she really does want to talk to me about something chances are it is something no one really needs to hear and the road that goes into town does not get used very often. We walk in silence for most of the way. I keep running through things that she would be having trouble telling her. Well, since it is Katniss and she doesn't like to ask for help or express her feelings, I imagine it could be a number of things she is having trouble saying.

Once we see the square in the distance she suddenly blurts out, "Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?" I stop, take her arm to make her to stop and look at her face. Of course, I really do not need to see her face to know she is serious.

"Depends on why you're asking," I say.

"President Snow wasn't convinced by me. There's an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out," she says quickly. My mind is reeling, there's really an uprising the one of the districts?

"By 'we' do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?" Her family will be on this list, but will her 'cousins'?

"My family. Yours, if they want to come. Haymitch, maybe," she rattles off. Yeah, like my family would leave what little security they have. But she didn't say a key person on that list.

"What about Gale?"

"I don't know," she shifts nervously. I know she has already talked to him and he obviously did not give her the answer she wanted. "He might have other plans." Of course he does. He is a fighter, he seems like he would be one who would lead an uprising. I smile at her, shaking my head.

"I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I'll go." No need to add that I would follow her anywhere, gladly.

Her lips lift upward a bit, "You will?" I can see a small glimmer of hope in her eyes.

I sigh and have to explain myself a bit more. "Yeah. But I don't think for a minute you will," I say. She is also a fighter. She would never save a few of us and leave others behind to face the wrath of the Capitol if we were to turn up missing. Her face turns red and she jerks her arm free from my grip.

"Then you don't know me," she snaps. "Be ready. It could be any time." She starts walking toward town. Immediately I feel bad for upsetting her. I do not want her to think I am making fun or her, or even that she doesn't have the guts to do it.

"Katniss," I say, trying to catch up with her. I still have trouble with my artificial leg and the slippery snow that surrounds us. "Katniss, hold up," I say, a bit more firmly, but still gentle. She pauses and lets me catch up with her. She matches her pace to mine and I say, "I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won't be making things worse for everyone." I hear a whistling sound, then some sort of impact and a reaction from a crowd. What is going on? "What's that?" I ask. I suddenly have a really bad feeling about this noise, sounds almost like the sound I heard while getting belt whippings from my mother.

"Come one," I say, walking as fast as I can towards the sound. We can only make it as far as the candy shop because of the people surrounding the square. I step on a helpful crate to see over the heads of the crowd. As I scan the scene I put my hand down to help Katniss up as well. Then I really see what is going on. There is a Peacekeeper with a whip, blood dripping from it. He is no one I have ever seen, but is clearly our new Head Peacekeeper because of the uniform he wears. I look at the person tied up in front of him, a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Of course, it is Gale Hawthorne, a wild turkey nailed above him, shows his crime. I pull my hand back and shift so Katniss cannot climb the rest of the way up. She needs to get away from here, fast. She does not need to see what is happening. I cannot take my eyes away from Gale's unconscious figure.

"Get down," I whisper urgently. "Get out of here!" I can only pray she will listen.

"What?" she says, trying to push me over.

"Go home, Katniss! I'll be there in a minute." I look down at her. "I swear!"

Instead of listening she yanks her hand out of mine and pushes her way through the crowd. I try to follow, but people are not willing to move for me after they just moved for her.

"No!" I hear her cry. I cannot see what is happening, but I know she will be trying to put herself between Gale and the whip. When I finally push my way to the front of the crowd all I can see is Katniss standing protectively in front of Gale, arms out to protect him, not herself and then the whip hits her square in the left side of her face. I am stunned that this man would ever hit a woman, especially a famous victor. She falls to her knees and I hear her yell, "Stop it! You'll kill him!" She reaches up next to her shoulder, like she would if she had her quiver and bow. I see this new man begin to raise the whip again and I am begin to run in between them when I hear a voice yell, "Hold it!"

It's Haymitch, he trips over an unconscious Peacekeeper, from the looks of the hair it is Darius, but makes his way to the scene. I slowly walk forward, knowing I need to try to make it better, not worse. Haymitch ignores the new Peacekeeper and pulls Katniss up. "Oh, excellent." He grabs her under the chin and turns her face as if to get a better look at the damage. "She's got a photo shoot next week modeling wedding dresses. What am I supposed to tell her stylist?" The man puts the whip down and says, "She interrupted the punishment of a confessed criminal." He has an accent and I can tell he is one of the worse kinds of Peacekeepers.

"I don't care if she blew up the Justice Building! Look at her cheek! Think that will be camera ready in a week?" Haymitch is so good at this.

"That's not my problem," the man says, but a bit of uncertainly leaks in. Haymitch turns on him, looking him square in the eye.

"No? Well, it's about to be, my friend. The first call I make when I get home is to the Capitol. I need to find out who authorized you to mess up my victor's pretty little face!"

"He was poaching. What business is it of hers anyway?"

I walk up and take Katniss by the arm. "He's her cousin,'' I say gently. "And she's my fiancée." I take a breath and look him in the eye like Haymitch did. I hope he can hear the hate in my voice. "So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us." The man looks over his shoulder at the guard behind him. I glance and notice that they are the normal Peacekeepers we are used to. The looks on their faces range from sadness to outrage at the scene before them. One of them, a women who I believe is named Purnia, steps forward. She is clearly nervous, but says is a steady voice, "I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad."

"Is that the standard protocol here?"

"Yes, sir," she answers, others nodding in agreement.

"Very well. Get your cousin out of here, then, girl. And if he comes to, remind him that the next time he poaches off the capitol's land, I'll assemble that firing squad personally." The new Head Peacekeeper then wipes the wipe with his hand, splattering us with Gale's blood. He rolls the whip up and walks away. The other peacekeepers fall into line behind him, but a few take the arms and legs of Darius and carries him along.

"Gale," Katniss says. She turns and starts trying to unknot the ropes. Haymitch passes me his knife and I cut him free. "Better get him to your mother," Haymitch says to Katniss as I pass the knife back to him.

I am able to buy the countertop from the old lady who sells clothing. "Just don't tell where you got it," she says fearfully. She quickly gathers her items and walks away. In fact, the square is almost deserted now that the whipping is over. Everyone is probably too scared to be associated with us. We lay Gale face down on the board and the four men that are left lift him and begin carrying him to the Village. I hear Katniss talking to someone behind us, but I do not concentrate on the words.

"Leevy!" I hear her yell. "Don't let her bring the kids." Of course, someone is off to get Gale's mother. I do not hear the response, but it is just moments that Katniss has caught up with us.

"Get some snow on that," Haymitch says to Katniss over his shoulder. I am sure she did what he said, but I do not try to look. Even with the strength of the two other men and Haymitch, Gale is stocking and pretty heavy and I am unsteady on my leg. But no one grows impatient and we keep a steady pace towards Katniss's house.

As we walk I hear the two men, who I gather are on the same mining crew with Gale, tell what happened. Gale apparently went to see Cray, our old Head Peacekeeper, because he pays well for wild turkey. But Cray was not who answered the door, it was this new man, Romulus Thread, I think I heard on of them call him. Gale was put under arrest and brought to the square. He was forced to plead guilty and was sentenced to the whipping. People heard about it pretty quickly and most were so surprised they had to see that it was true.

"When you stepped in he had been whipped at least forty times," one of them, who I think is called Bristel, says to Katniss. "He passed out around thirty," he adds quietly. "Lucky he only had the turkey on him. If he'd had his usual haul, would've been much worse."

"He told Thread he found it wandering around the Seam," the other man says. "Said it got over the fence and he'd stabbed it with a stick. Still a crime. But if they'd known he'd been in the woods with weapons, they'd killed him for sure."

"What about Darius?" I ask. How did he end up knocked out?

"After about 20 lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough." Yes, I could see him doing that, he was one of the nicest Peacekeepers in town. "Only he didn't do it smart and official like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread's arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him," Bristel says.

Snow is beginning to fall and Haymitch says, "Doesn't sound like much good for any of us." We are finally reaching Katniss's house. Her mother opens to door, no doubt thinking we are Katniss, and steps back to let us in.

"New Head," Haymitch explains as she takes in the lifeless form of Gale. She nods. Prim and her cleans the kitchen table off in record time and when we finally lay Gale down there is a clean, white sheet spread across the table.

I step back along with Haymitch and watch as Katniss's mother gets to work. She pours water into a tub as she is instructing Prim as to what to pull out of various cabinets. I have never seen her at work like this. I have always thought of her to be kind of a weak person, especially when she withdrew from everything after the loss of her husband. I know Katniss tried her best to make sure no one knew about that, and probably would deny it if she was asked, but when you paid attention to someone as much as I paid attention to Katniss you pick up on things.

"Did it cut your eye?" she asks Katniss. This is the first time I really look at Katniss since getting hit by the whip. Her face takes me breath and it is all I can do not to cry out for the pain she must be in. The part of her face that I can see, that is not covered by the dripping snow and her hand, is swollen and a nasty red color.

"No, it's just swelled shut," Katniss responds, clearly not worried about herself at all. Her mother nods and says, "Get more snow on it." She turns her full attention back to what used to be Gale's back. Since Katniss has not started out to get more snow I figure I could grab some for her real quick. I am not doing much of anything just staring at her face and Gale's back.

"Can you save him?" I hear Katniss ask as I grab a rag from a stack on the counter and close the back door. She is so worried about him. Well, I am worried about him to, but I can hear the pain in her voice. The thought of Katniss in pain makes me want to march right to that new Head's house and whip him with that crude whip. I sigh and scoop up snow in the rag. I imagine my family saw the whole thing from their window at the bakery, so they probably know what I didn't show up for dinner.

I walk back into the kitchen and see Katniss's mother gently cleaning and arrangement the flesh on Gale's back. Prim is mixing things together in a big bowl and Katniss is still just standing in the same spot. I go over to her and gently guide her to a nearby chair and put the new snow on her face. She's is right about the eye being swollen shut, but at least it doesn't seem to have giving her a deep cut. She might end up with a small scar.

Haymitch is with Bristel and the other man at the back door. He tells them they should probably get home and I see him press some coins into each of their hands. They at first try to give the money back, but Haymitch says, "Don't know what will happen to your crew." They both finally nod, give one last glance at Gale and go out the door.

It is just moments later that Gale's mother arrives. The snow must have picked up because there is a good amount in her hair when she walks in the door. She on a stool next to the table and holds onto Gale's hand.

We all sit in silence as we watch Katniss's mom work over Gale's body. Cleaning, arranging the flesh back to where it needs to be, putting an ointment on each slash and a bandaging. I can hear Katniss's mother and Prim discussing the pain medication that they have in stock. Gale is beginning coming to as she finishes the final bandage. Katniss stirs a bit under my hand. I look at her and see her good eye is narrowed at her mother. I wonder what is going through her mind right now, if she wishes she could be over there holding his hand, stroking his hair and whispering encouraging words, like his mother is doing right now.

Kantiss's mother and Prim have decided to give Gale some kind of drink with herbs in it for the pain.

"That won't be enough," Katniss says softly. Her mother and Prim turn and look at her. "That won't be enough, I know how it feels. That will barely knock out a headache," she explains, he voice a bit louder.

"We'll combine it with sleep syrup, Katniss," her mother explains. "He'll manage it. The herbs are more for the inflammation…" Katniss suddenly jumps up, knocking me off the small stool I was sitting on, holding the snow on her face.

She starts toward her mother, yelling. "Just give him the medicine! Give it to him! Who are you, anyway, to decide how much pain he can stand?" I am shocked. I would never speak to my mother like that.

We all turn toward Gale, who is still semi-unconscious, since he is trying to stir at the sound of Katniss's voice. He is clearly trying to get her. This causes blood to saturate the bandage and a small maon escape out of Gale's mouth.

"Take her out," her mother says calmly. Haymitch and I immediately grab her by the arms and take her down the hall to an extra bedroom. We pin her down on the bed while she screams horrible things toward her mother. It doesn't take a terribly long time for her to quiet down. Haymitch sits up once she stop screaming and kicking. I sit up as well, taking her by the hand and rubbing small circles on the back of it.

"Haymitch. We didn't convince President Snow on tour. Katniss saw information about an uprising on the Mayor's TV the day of the Harvest Festival," I whisper. I know he is listening. "She wants us all to run." He nods, but still doesn't say anything either way. We both just sit with Katniss while she weeps. I keep rubbing the circles on the back of her hand until her mother comes in a treats her face. When she is finished she takes the same hand and Haymitch tells her to story we heard about the situation with Gale.

"So it's starting again?" she asks. "Like before?" I have no idea what she is talking about. I can only ever remember old Cray being our Head Peacekeeper.

"Byt the looks of it," Haymitch answers. "Who've have thought we'd ever be sorry to see old Cray go?" I am sure no one who have thought they would be sorry that old man go anywhere since he loved to take young girls, mostly starving girls from the Seam, into his bed in exchange for money. It wasn't something that was talked about, but something I have always thought was the lowest a man in power could go. Taking advantage of starving kids who just wanted to eat. To see their families eat.

The doorbell rings and Katniss jumps off the bed. We must all think the same thing. Noone would be coming to the door this late for a social call. It must be Peacekeepers.

"They can't have him," Katniss says fiercely.

"Might be you they're after," Haymitch reminds her. Well, they can't have her, either.

"Or you," she snaps at him.

"Not my house. But I'll get the door," Haymitch offers.

"No, I'll get it," says Katniss's mother.

We all follow her to the door. Whoever it is, they are persistent, ringing the bell a few more times. When she opens the door I see Madge, the mayor's daughter. She holds a small box out and says, "Use these for your friend." Katniss takes the box and lifts the lid. There are small bottles of clear liquid. "They're my mother's. She said I could take them. Use them, please," she begs. I think about how she really shouldn't be out by herself this late. She turns and runs back into the snow storm before I could offer to walk her home.

"Crazy girl," Haymitch says, closing the door behind her and following Katniss and her mother back to the kitchen.

Katniss was right when she said that the drink given to Gale wasn't going to be enough. He is covered in sweat and his teeth look like they will break, he is gritting them so hard. Katniss's mother fills a syringe with the clear liquid and quickly shoots it into Gale's arm. His face begins to relax and I see Katniss give a small sigh of relief as well.

"What's that stuff?" I ask,

"It's from the Capitol. It's called morphling," she answers.

"I didn't even know Madge knew Gale," I say. I wonder if she is one of those girls who have a crush on him. Katniss's face changes a bit when I say that.

"We used to sell her strawberries," she almost growls.

"She must have a taste for them," Haymitch says, clearing thinking along the same lines I am. Maybe they have a thing together? Who really knows? Katniss must be thinking that too because she looks like she could spit nails.

"She's my friend," she says, maybe trying to convince herself that there is nothing going on between the two. She is really quiet cute when she looks jealous. Then I realize that she is jealous of a possible relationship between Gale and someone else. Ahhhh…..of course. I know they are close, but could she possibly love him with him that way? I know she loves him, they have a great bond, but does she love him the way I love her?

Prim bring each of us some stew and bread. I eat quietly, just hoping that things will work out for us all. How is it going to be around here now that this man is Head. What other changes are in for us all? Prim offers to fix the bedroom on the ground floor for Gale's mother, but she has to get home to the other children. Haymitch offers to walk her home and soon after I decide I should leave as well. I give Prim and Katniss's mother thanks for the stew. I look at Katniss, who look just lost as she looks at Gale. I touch the side of her face, something she doesn't even seem to notice and walk out the door.

As I walk the few feet to my own house I realize that even while Gale is in so much pain I would change places with him if it meant Katniss would not be in the pain that she is clearly in now. How can I wish myself getting whipped? I guess though, when it comes to Katniss, I would literally die if it would mean she would be happy. I would gladly take my last breath at this moment, at any moment if it meant she could live a happy, free life. A life that we will never see under the rule of the Capitol. I am thinking these things as I walk in my back door. I really should get some sleep, but instead I find myself pulling together the items I need to make bread. This is something I do without thinking when I am stressed or have a nightmare at night.

I know that our houses are probably bugged, but thankfully I still have my own thoughts. I find myself wishing for the uprising. Hoping it does happen, hoping that, somehow, so way, we can all find our voices again. Have freedom to live, not just survive, but actually live. I want to give this not only to myself, to Katniss, but to the whole country of Panem that has to suffer while the Capitol lives it up. Bets on the deaths of children every year and celebrates those deaths over and over.

But how could we break free? How could a little place like District 12 ever be able to stand against any kind of force the Capitol has? What could a baker from this district do to help? Really, what could I do to save her so she can marry that man she is so clearly in love with?


	7. Chapter 7

Before I realize what is going on the sun is rising in the distance. I didn't get one wink of sleep during the night. I didn't even leave the kitchen. I let me hands work through bread, then cakes, then cookies. It gave me time to think of what my next move will be. Will I actually go through with the Capitol's plan to marry Katniss? After seeing her face in so much pain over Gale I really do not think I can do this and live with myself. I might as well get over to the Everdeen's and get an update on Gale. I really hope whatever was done last night will not leave anything too bad on him. He is, after all, the only man in his family that can work and that makes him very important in the Hawthorne household. From what I know about his character I know that he wouldn't take any help from Katniss finically if she offered, and I am sure she has offered. I wrap up two loaves of bread in one towel and one in another, I'll take it to Haymitch on the way.

The snow has really been coming down while I worked and tried to work out some sort of plan to save Katniss from a life of misery and confusion. I trudge through the snow to Haymitch's house. Of course, I do not knock. I push my way in, I'm sure Haymitch has not been asleep very long. I find him asleep at the kitchen table, his knife gripped firmly in one hand and a white liquor bottle in the other. I don't wake him, I just leave the bread on the table. His fire is getting pretty low, so I take some of the wood by the fireplace and get a nice blze going. That should last him until he wakes up. He'll need a bit more sleep. I slip out the back door and head over to Katniss's back door. I knock lightly, knowing that Gale will still be on the table in the kitchen and not wanting to disturb him. I wait a few moments and knock a bit harder. Still no answer. I open the door a crack and see Katniss asleep, her head inches from Gale's unconscious figure. I quickly go it and shut the door before it can get too cold in the kitchen. I lay the fresh loaves on the counter and stand over the pair of them. They have their hands intertwined and their faces are facing each other so it looks like they went to sleep talking to each other. I wonder what was said if he did wake up in the hours I have been gone. Did she convince him to run? Did she finally admit that she is in love with him?

I am not sure how long I stood there looking at the pair of them, thinking of this twisted mess we are all in. Finally I gently shake Katniss on the shoulder. She sits up and slowly looks up at me. As she takes in the look on my face, I didn't think to control it before she looked up at me, she gets a sad look in her eyes.

"Go on up to bed, Katniss." I know she didn't get into bed. "I'll look after him now."

"Peeta. About what I said yesterday, about running…." She starts to say. I shake my head. I knew she would not be running without Gale and his family.

"I know. There's nothing to explain," I say. She glances at the loaves of bread and back to me. I can tell she is about to start apologizing for whatever she thinks she has done wrong now. "Peeta," she begins.

"Just go to bed, okay?" She nods and finds her way out of the room. I listen to her slowly climb the stairs and into her room. I know she will be out as soon as she gets into bed. I pull a chair over close to the door and wait. Gale never moves more than just breathing and does not wake up. I look back between his unconscious figure and the sunrise, or rather the snowstorm that looks like it will be a full blown blizzard soon.

About an hour later I hear movement upstairs. I know by the footprints that it is Prim and her mother. Katniss's tread is a whole lot softer. I consider leaving before they come down, but I don't want them to think Katniss left Gale alone. Plus it looks like Gale might be waking up and I want to make sure someone is around him before he does. I listen to the sounds of the two getting ready for the day as I wait for Gale to open his eyes. Suddenly I really do not want to be alone with him. What do I say to the man who has the love I long for? He opens his eyes and looks around, his eyes alarmed. He must have woke up in the wee hours of the morning and gone back under knowing Katniss was there. He starts to move, like he is trying to get up.

"Wait," I say. "I'm not sure that is the best idea, Gale." I walk into his line of sight.

"Oh, hey, Peeta," he says, settling back in. I see new blood staining the bandages on his back. He grits his teeth against the pain. "Where's Katniss?" he manages to say.

"I sent her up to bed. She looked like she needs to stretch out. She didn't leave your side until I woke her and told her I would stay with you," I answer. I wonder if he thinks that I am acting for the cameras as much as Katniss is. I wonder if he knows the truth about my love for her or does he think I am just trying to save myself? I see him studying me now. I look away from his gaze.

"Do you need anything?" I ask. He looks like he wants to scream. Should I get Prim? Or Katniss's mom? He just shakes his head. I feel so weird, just standing here watching him lay there in pain. Just then Prim walks around the corner.

"Mom will be here in a few minutes," she tales Gale. He doesn't answer, but nods just a bit. She sniffs and turns around, I guess surprised I would be here. "Hey, Peeta. When did you get here?"

I shrug. "A while ago. I wanted to get the bread over before it got worse outside. I found Katniss asleep on the table and I thought I would let her get some sleep in the bed until you guys woke up." She nods.

"Thank you for the bread and watching over our patient," Katniss's mother says, walking into the room. I smile and nod.

"Do you need anything? I can walk into town if you need me to," I offer.

"No, no, we have everything we need," she says. "Thank you for the offer." Prim brings me a slice of bread that she has spread with a jam Mrs. Everdeen makes. I sit on the chair next to the door and watch as her and Prim look over Gale's wounds. Slowly and carefully they removed the soiled bandages, cleanse the wounds, smear each one with ointment and reapply clean bandages. Gale stays quiet through the process, but I can tell he is still in pain. Just like last night I am amazed at the work done by Prim and her mother. Watching her hands work so quickly, yet softly, over the wounds is hypnotic. I find myself following her every move. Once I realize I have been openly staring at her during her work, I quickly look away. But she doesn't seem to notice, it is almost like she is in a trance as she works. The concentration on her face is amazing and I wonder if that is what I look like when I am decorating cakes or those delicate cookies. Gale is somehow able to go back to sleep sometime during this process. Maybe the medication that he was given last night lasts in the system for a while?

It is early afternoon when we finally hear movement from above. I think through it quickly and decide that I really do not want to face her right now. She might want to talk about the Capitol or the rebellion or her love for Gale and I just cannot do that right now. I stand up. Prim and Mrs. Everdeen have started preparing something they call snow coat for Gale's back. They look up at me.

"I'm going to get home. Probably shouldn't leave my house unattended during this storm," I say, somewhat lamely. They know why I need to leave. They are probably wondering why I stayed so long in the first place. Prim is looking at me with sad eyes, at least she seems to know the feelings for Katniss are real. They both nod and say, "Goodbye, Peeta." I smile and duck out of the door.

Since it has been hours since I went in to check on Haymitch I stop by and put more wood on his fire. He is still asleep at the kitchen table, but not as soundless. He is muttering and jerking from his own nightmares. I leave him be, he doesn't really like an audience to his demons. I quickly make it to my house and close the door tightly behind me. The storm is pretty bad outside so I think I might be stuck her for a few days. Since I baked all night I decide that to paint. I go to the little studio, find a blank canvas and begin sitting up my paint. I hear the phone ringing from the other side of the room. I put everything down and go to answer it. I'm sure it is Katniss, since she is the only person in town with a phone to call me. I doubt it would be anyone from the Capitol.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Katniss, just like I thought. "I just wanted to make sure you got home."

"Katniss," I say, kind of exasperated, "I live three houses away from you." Maybe no one told her I just left?

"I know, but with the weather and all," she says.

"Well, I'm fine," I answer. Physically, I am just fine. My heart feels a little less than ok, but No need to make her suffer along with me. After a pause I feel that I should ask about Gale. "How's Gale?" Even though I just left, I'm sure not much has changed.

"All right. My mother and Prim are giving him snow coat now," she says.

I suddenly wonder how her eye is doing after sleeping. "And your face?"

"I've got some, too. Have you seen Haymitch today?"

"I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread," I answer. He will probably be waking up soon, but staying home will not be hard for him, he seems to love the solitude.

"I wanted to talk to…..to both of you," she says. I'm sure the lines are tapped so I am glad she is not saying anything right now. I knew she would want to talk to me about something, but since she wants to talk to Haymitch as well, maybe it will be about the uprisings and not about me and her an the future we do not have together.

"Probably have to wait until after the weather calms down. Nothing much will happen before that anyway," I tell her.

"No, nothing much," she agrees.

"Well, goodbye Katniss," I say.

"Goodbye."

I quickly hang up and turn from the phone. I take a deep breath. I will not let these bad feelings take over my mind. I will be strong for Katniss, her family, my family, Haymitch and whatever the future holds for us all. I can beat down all these unpleasant feelings and live. I take another breath and pick up my supplies. I begin painting the vast water we got to see in District 4.

It is two days later that the snow stops. I got check on Haymitch as soon as I am able to, but the road to town takes another day to be cleared. That same day I get a call from Katniss asking me if I want to walk to town. I agree, knowing I might as well get this over with and meet her next to Haymitch's house. It takes a few minutes to get him awake and a few more to convince him to walk with us, but he does, knowing, like I do, that we really need to have this talk.

We walk along between the two walls of snow. No one talks at first. Kantiss keeps looking up at the snow like she is waiting for it to fall in on us. I am waiting to see what she has to say and it seems that Haymitch is doing the same. Finally he breaks the silence, "So we're all heading off into the great unknown, are we?" he asks.

She shakes her head, looking at the ground. "No. Not anymore." I sigh. Of course. She has chosen Gale, so that means the uprising as well, since I know in my heart that is what he wants to do. I have to admit that I would love to see the Capitol fall as well.

"Worked through the flaws in that plan, did you, sweetheart?" Haymitch asks. "Any new ideas?"

"I want to start an uprising," she says. I smile. Haymitch laughs. I know he is not taking this conversation seriously.

"Well, I want a drink," he says. "You let me know how that works out for you, though." He gives a small chuckle. I shake my head at the pair of them, but stay silent.

"Then what's your plan?" she snaps at him.

"My plan is to make sure everything is just perfect for your wedding. I called and rescheduled the photo shoot without giving too many details," he answers. I am surprised at this information. I thought his phone was broken. He wants us to still go on with the wedding?

"You don't even have a phone," Katniss says.

"Effie had that fixed." You can tell he doesn't like that to well. "Do you know she asked me if I'd like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better," he tells her, very seriously.

"Haymitch," Katniss starts, a pleading tone entering her voice.

"Katniss," she says back in the same tone. "It won't work." Just then a crew of men with shovels pass us heading to the village. But once they are gone far enough to talk again we are too close to the square and we are probably being recorded there. We all stop once we get into the square. Even during the blizzard things have been going on here in town. The Justice Building has a brand new Panem banner hanging from it. New Peacekeepers march in their new white uniforms, so white that the snow looks almost grey against them. I notice some Peacekeepers are up on roofs, machine guns accompanying them. Wow. What a difference my old front yard looks.

There are a few new things that have been constructed in the square as well. There are new gallows, several sets of stockades and a new whipping post.

"Thread's a quick worker," Haymitch says quietly. I agree, this is beginning to look like a nightmare. Suddenly there is a fire a few streets away.

"Haymitch," Katniss says. "You don't think everyone was still in…." That's when I realized it must be the Hob blazing up.

"Nah, they're smarter than that. You'd be too, if you'd been around longer. Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare," he says, walking away from us. Yuck. I am very glad my habit is baking and painting. Katniss turns to me and asks, "What's he want that for?" She pauses as the answer hits her and then says, "We can't let him drink it. He'll kill himself or at the very least go blind. I've got some white liquor put away at home."

I agree, he cannot drink that stuff. Last thing we need it for our mentor to become blind or die. "Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business," I say. I am very glad I finally worked up the courage to go into the Hob when we came back from the Games. I was forbidden to go there while I was living with my parents, but I have gone in there since I have been back to try and spread the money I won around to as many people as I can without just trying to give it away. People in this district are very proud and do not like to accept help if they can work for it. "I need to check on my family." I haven't seen them for almost a week.

"I have to go see Hazelle," Kantiss says. Gale's mother. I just could not remember her name the other night.

"I'll go, too. Drop by the bakery on my way home," I offer. Truthfully I don't want Katniss to be wondering around on her own. She just seems to get herself into all kinds of trouble lately.

"Thanks," she says. We walk through town, but there are not many people out. I know the mines and the school are closed. I guess all these new changes are keeping people indoors.

I am not sure what Katniss is thinking when she thinks we can start an uprising here. People are too scared, we are too few. We have nothing to fight these Peacekeepers with. It would be different if they were our old Peacekeepers, the ones who left their guns at home, the ones who might actually join us in an uprising or at least take it easy on us if something was to start here. We are the smallest district, the poorest. It would take nothing hardly from the Capitol to turn us into dust just like they did to District 13 seventy five years ago. People who are out or are chancing a look out the windows quickly turn away or shut their curtains as we pass. We are not people who are in high demand anymore.

We finally get to the Hawthorne's house and find that Hazelle has a sick little girl at home. Looks like the measles, I had them when I was little, those little spots are horrible to deal with. "I couldn't leave her. I knew Gale'd be in the best of hands," she says. Katniss nods.

"Of course. He's much better. My mother says he'll be back in the mines in a couple of weeks," Katniss says.

"May not be open until then, anyway," Hazelle says. "Word is they're closed until further notice." She glances at her washtub, which stand empty, even though I know she normally does laundry for some of the merchants in town. I know people will be needing her services after a few days indoors. I guess the Hawthorne's are on the black list as well. It's fine for Kantiss and myself, with our new found riches, but if she is right and the mines are going to be closed, how are they going to live?

"You closed down, too?" Katniss asks.

"Not officially. But everyone's afraid to use me now." That's what I thought. Including my family since she used to wash our clothes too. I will have to speak to my father about this, although I am sure it is my mother that made that choice.

"Maybe it's the snow," I offer.

"No," she says, sadly. "Rory made a quick round this morning. Nothing to wash, apparently." She doesn't look at me and I am furious with the people in this town, my mother is at the top of that list.

Rory comes over to her and wraps his arms around her. "We'll be all right."

Katniss takes a handful of money out of her pocket and lays it on the table. "My mother will send something for Posy," she says firmly. We leave and Katniss turns to me. "You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob." I was thinking of doing the same thing so I say, "I'll go with you."

"No, I've dragged you into enough trouble," Katniss says. She just doesn't get it. I am doing this to myself.

"And avoiding a stroll by the Hob…that's going to fix things for me?" I joke, smiling and taking her by the hand. We walk that way to the burning remains of the Hob. The snow around it is melting and leaking black streams down the hill.

"It's all that coal dust, from the old days," Katniss explains the black puddles to me. Of course, the Hob use to store coal. "I want to check on Greasy Sae," she says suddenly.

"Not today, Katniss. I don't think we'd be helping anyone by dropping in on them," espically not today of all days, the day they lose their way of making a living.

We walk back to the square, still holding hands. I think it is great for us to be seen this way in town that way people can see they see us showing some kind of affection towards one another while the cameras are gone. When we get to the bakery I stand at the counter and do some small talk about the weather with my father. I want to ask him about not letting Hazelle clean their clothes, but my mother is there in the back ground and I do not want to start her temper in front of Katniss. I will ask him as soon as I can. Maybe he can sneak some bread or cakes over to her and the children if I pay him. Katniss buys a few cakes and we leave.

Things in town are beginning to be horrible. The mines are shut for two weeks. This means for two weeks the people from the Seam are not able to make any money for food. People are starving. I make my rounds to the elderly like I normally do every few days, but even some of them are scared to take my little gift of cookies. I hear from Katniss that the number of children signing up for tesserae has tripled, but even they don't receive what they are promised. There are times that even the most well to do in town, myself included, have had to come away from stores with nothing just because there is nothing to buy.

The mines finally reopen, but the hours are extended from 12 to 16 and wages are cut almost in half. Even Parcel Day is ruined when the items come in with rats and spoiled. I look around my District and feel helpless. There is nothing I can do to help these people, people I feel for because they are the people I grew up with. It is horrible because I know that I am, in part, the cause for all these new horrors. I cannot help but think, several times a day, that things would be better for everyone if I had not said anything about loving Katniss, therefore beginning the spiral that has come to this. Sure, I might be dead, but at least children would not be starving, people would not be getting whipped for things we forgot were illegal. Even Gale seems to lose his strength under the weight of everything. I hear the Rory has signed up for tesserae, something I know that Gale has worked very hard to make sure didn't happen.

Haymitch finally does a good thing in all of this darkness, though. Even though I am sure it had a lot of begging and nagging from Katniss. He hires Hazelle to clean his house. This actually puts me a ease, by a very little, because I do not find myself worrying about if Haymitch is eating or if he had tripped over the ever growing piles of trash on the floors. His house is not clean and welcoming. Not that he is able to enjoy it much, because even though Katniss and I both had a good stock pile of white liquor, it goes fast. We are almost out and have been having to tell him to try to wait longer and longer for the new bottle.

People are always in and out of Katniss's house, even though we are very unpopular in town. So many sick people and Mrs. Everdeen is the only healer we have in town. She stops charging for her services, not that she ever charged very much anyway. I know that she is running low on supplies as well, soon she will only have snow use. Things are looking very, very grim in District 12.

Katniss and Gale do not even try to go hunting now. The woods are completely off limits and you can tell that people are wanting to just give up. I am one of them. And then, one day, a crate arrives at Katniss's house. I do not look in it, neither does she, but a note from Effie tells us it is full of wedding dresses that were selected by President Snow himself. What is he thinking? He'll throw us a wedding in the Capitol with us looking the way we do, thin and clearly unhealthy, and Panem will be ok? Or will he arrange an accident that kills us both after he delivers the wedding he promised to the spoiled people in the capitol? What would he do it I refused? Not Katniss, but me, the one he clearly thinks he can count on, changing my mind. Would he kill me, my family, Kantiss? Would the deaths of us be enough to stop the pain that we have inadvertently pushed onto our District?


	8. Chapter 8

The next day I spend most of the day just trying to not think about the wedding. I know that Kantiss must be beside herself with the arrival of these dresses. It is just another reminder that we are controlled President Snow and the future he has promised the people of Panem, mainly the people of the Capitol.

I hear the doorbell along with a loud knock on the door around midday. I am surprised, Haymitch should still be passed out, Katniss is probably sulking or at least taking food around to her old friends from Hob, my family, when they do visit, knock lightly and then walk right in. Who could it be? Before I can get to the door there is another loud, impatient rap. Defiantly bad news.

I open the door to a pair of Peacekeepers, one man, one woman. They are a pair I have never seen before. The woman looks at me and asks, "Mr. Mellark, have you seen Ms. Everdeen today?" They are looking for Katniss? I just shake my head. "Do you think you could escort us to find Mr. Abernathy and Ms. Everdeen?" she asks. I have a feeling I really do not have a choice in the matter. I nod.

"Just let me grab my shoes and jacket." I step into the boots I keep by the door and grab my jacket from the hook. They go down the steps and wait for me a few feet away. I close my door and make my way down the steps, they are still a little icy. "Are we going to Kantiss's house or Haymtich's first?" I ask.

"Mr. Abernathy," she answers. She is the mouth peace. He seems a bit skiddish, but determined. I nod and follow them down the short walk to Haymitch's house.

"I'm sure he is still asleep, but I will try my best to wake him," I say.

They let me ring the doorbell and Hazelle answers it. She smiles when she sees me, but her eyes grow hard when she sees the Peacekeepers.

"Peeta….." she begins.

"We are here to see Mr. Anbernathy," the woman cuts her off behind me.

"Of course," she says. "He is asleep at the kitchen table," Hazelle answers, stepping back to let us in.

"Thank you," I say, giving her a very small smile. We walk the short distance to the kitchen and I cannot help but notice how nice the house looks. Hazelle is amazing. Too bad I cannot be happy about much of anything at the moment. When we turn the corner I see the knife in Haymitch's hand, but luckily Hazelle seems to have already picked up the white liquor bottle I'm sure he had in his other hand and tucked it away some place safe. I kneel down and begin prying the knife out of his hand.

"What are you doing?" the woman asks me, impatiently. I look up at her and raise Haymitch's hand to give her the answer.

"If you want him to cut either of you with this knife when we try to wake him, I can leave it there, but I know I really do not feel like having a new cut right now," I explain, matching her impatient tone. She narrows her eyes, but says nothing as I finally get the knife out of this grip. I glance up at the man and he seems to be in awe, like he cannot believe his is where he is at the moment. Perhaps he is a Peacekeeper that comes from the Capitol itself, one of those few that cannot pay off their loans, so now he is serving as a Peacekeeper? I know they do that for some of their citizens, a great way to pay back debts. I shove Haymitch in the shoulder. He grunts. I shove a bit harder. A bit of mumbling.

"Haymitch," I say, loudly, shoving him almost off the chair. He jumps up, brandishing his hand that seconds earlier held the knife. He almost hits the woman with that hand and I give her a knowing look.

"What the….," Haymitch starts. He gains his ground and takes in his surroundings. He relaxes a bit when he looks at me, but narrows his eyes when he finally notices the Peacekeepers. "What do you want? Who let you in my house?" he barks at them. Clearly he is not liking them in his house without him saying so first. The man just stares at him, but the woman gives him a look of pure loathing.

"I did," I say quickly. "They are looking for Katniss." He looks into my eyes and we both are thinking along the same lines. She is in some serious trouble.

"Why would you be looking for her here? I haven't seen her in days, or maybe yesterday…..," Haymitch spits at them. "Who gives you he right to wake me up to ask me anything, anyway?"

The woman really does not like that, she straightens up and looks Haymitch in the eye. "Head Peacekeeper Thread. Mrs. Everdeen seems to think she is above the rules, as do you, Mr. Abernathy. We were sent to make sure she gets the message."

"Ok, then, Mrs. Peacekeeper. Let me spell it out for you. Why. Are. You. At. My. House. To. Find. Her?" he asks, like he is speaking to an extremely slow thinking person. I cannot believe he would openly go at her like this, but then, he really does not take to authority, at all. You can tell that the woman is trying very hard to keep her cool.

"Please, Mr. Abernathy, come with us while we pay a visit to Ms. Everdeen's house," she says, her voice full of authority. I can tell Haymitch has a few things he would love to tell her about coming with them to Katniss's house, but he just shakes his head and lets a smile spread across his face and says, "Well, I guess I can make time in my busy schedule to pay a visit to the Everdeens. Of course, I need a few minutes to get myself ready."

The two peacekeepers nod and Haymitch leaves the room and heads up the stairs. We hear him knocking things around, probably getting some white liquor in a flask so he can sneak his drinking during the day. I know it will be a long one if Katniss is not home. I wonder why they need Haymitch and I around when they speak to her. Are they finally going to arrest her? Do they think we will try stop them and that way they can finally arrest us all?

It takes Haymitch almost thirty minutes to get ready to go. I know from expierence that it never takes him that long, so he is defiantly messing with the Peacekeepers. He trudges down the stairs and tells Hezelle goodbye. I also wave at her. She looks worried as we all file out of the backdoor.

We walk the short walk to Katniss's house. Instead of heading for the backdoor like Haymitch and I normally do, we walk around to the front. I hesitate at the door, unsure if I should ring the bell. Haymitch just shoves past us all, muttering about being cold and impatiently rings the bell. It only takes a few moments for Mrs. Everdeen to answer the door. She takes in the people on the step quickly and invites us in. The fear is not hidden well in her eyes. She knows something is up.

She ignores Haymitch and I and asks the Peacekeepers, "How may I help you?" She is clearly hoping that they need her healing hands for something.

"Is Ms. Everdeen here?" the woman asks.

"Prim or Katniss?" she asks, knowing the answer.

"Katniss," she clarifies.

"No, she is out right now. She has been taking some food to a few families in the seam," she answers, but it is clear to me that she thinks Katniss is in the woods hunting.

"We have orders to wait until Ms. Everdeen comes back. We have a message for her," the woman says.

"I can pass one along," Mrs. Everdeen says.

"No, we have strict orders to give the message to her when she returns home today," the woman counters.

"Well, I guess you should come in out of the cold," she says, moving to the side.

"Why, exactly, do I have to be here? Or Peeta for that matter?" Haymitch snaps.

"Orders," the woman replies, going into the house. Haymitch and I sigh, almost in unison, and follow them inside. This is going to be a long day.

The Peacekeepers stay, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, that way when the door opens the first thing anyone sees are them. They do not take anything from Katniss's mother, not food, no drink, not even chairs to rest. Prim comes home after school and they ask her if they have seen Kantiss. She tells them no, but you can tell she wants to say yes. Haymitch and I begin a game of chess that takes hours because neither of us are really concentrating on the game. I am so worried about what could be so important that Thread is willing to make two Peacekeepers wait around in a house all day long. Isn't there lawbreakers that need to be punished or people to intimidate? What if she comes home with her usual haul of game? Will they really kill her with a firing squad? Did she give up and decide to run without telling us? Did she take Gale? How far could they have gotten in the hours she has been gone if they did run?

All these questions are running through my head when we finally hear the door open and a stiff, "Hello." Katniss is finally home.

"Here she is, just in time for dinner," Katniss's mother says, even though we normally eat dinner hours ago.

"Can I help you with something?" Katniss asks. Haymitch and I just stay where we are, acting like their presence is nothing to us.

"Head Peacekeeper Thread sent us with a message for you," the woman says.

"They've been waiting for hours."

"Must be an important message."

"May we ask you where you've been, Ms. Everdeen?" the woman asks, narrowing her eyes.

As Katniss walks into the kitchen she says, "Easier to ask where I haven't been." I notice a very small limp in her walk and know she is hiding pain. She tosses her hunting bag down on the table and turns and sees Haymitch, Prim and I by the fire.

"So where haven't you been?" Haymitch asks, his voice sounds bored and he takes this moment to capture one of my pawns.

"Well, I haven't been talking to the Goat Man about getting Prim's goat pregnant, because someone gave me completely inaccurate information as to where he lives," Katniss says, exasperated. She is looking at Prim.

"No, I didn't," Prim says, "I told you exactly."

"You said he lives beside the west entrance to the mine." Katniss is doing really well at acting like she has just had a regular day out.

"The east entrance," Prim says.

"You distinctly said the west, because then I said 'Next to the slag heap?' and you said, 'Yeah,'" Katniss argues.

"The slag heap next to the east entrance," Prim says, patiently shaking her head.

"No. When did you say that?" Katniss asks.

"Last night," Haymitch offers. I figure I should probably pitch in too.

"It was definitely the east," I says. I look at Haymitch and we laugh. I look at Katniss, who is glaring at me and say, "I'm sorry, but it's what I've been saying. You don't listen when people talk to you." I smile because Katniss hears everything she is told, she just doesn't always do what she is told.

"Bet people told you he didn't live there today and you didn't listen again," Haymitch says with another laugh.

"Shut up, Haymitch," Katniss says, playing along. Haymitch and I laugh. Prim allows herself a small smile, but you can tell she is still too worried.

"Fine. Somebody else can arrange to get the stupid goat knocked up," Katniss huffs. That just makes us laugh harder. She looks back at the Peacekeepers. I glance at them too and see the man is smiling at our banter, but the woman has not changed her look. Her eyes are still narrowed and you can tell she does not believe anything that has been said.

"What's in the bag?" she asks. Here we go. If there is anything that Kantiss obviously got from the woods there is going to be trouble. Game or plants that grow wild. My heart is beating so hard in my chest that I swear everyone could hear it. But Katniss is undisturbed and dumps the bag onto the table.

"See for yourself." I get up and come up behind her.

"Oh, good," her mother says, taking cloth into her hands, "We're running low on bandages." I open the candy bag and say, "Ooh, peppermints." I pop one in my mouth as Katniss tried to grab it from me. I toss it to Haymitch, who takes a handful and stuffs it into his mouth as he passes the bag to Prim, who is openly giggling.

"None of you deserve candy!" Kantiss says.

"What," I say, wrapping my arms around her, since to the new Peacekeepers we are still supposed to be deliriously in love. "Because we're right?" She softly gives a cry of pain as my arms reach her lower back. I thought she was hurt. Her foot and her back. She is able to turn the sound into a sound of annoyance. "Okay, Prim said west. I distinctly heard west. And we're all idiots. How's that?"

"Better," she says and I give her a small kiss. She looks back at the Peacekeepers and says, "You have a message for me?"

"From Head Peacekeeper Thread," the woman says. Finally we can find out what this all important message is. "He wanted you to know that the fence surrounding District 12 will now have electricity 24 hours a day." That's it? I want to laugh."

"Didn't it already?" Katniss asks. I want to laugh at her innocent face and voice. Everyone in this town knows we only get power for a few hours at night.

"He thought you might be interested in passing this information on to your cousin," she adds.

"Thank you," Katniss says. "I'll tell him. I'm sure we'll all sleep a little more soundly now that security has addressed that lapse." What? What is she doing? Does she want to get into trouble?

The woman look like she could spit nails, but she just gives Katniss a nod and quickly leaves, the man following silently behind. As soon as the door is locked Katniss slumps against the kitchen table.

"What is it?" I ask, worried about what she could have done to herself this time.

"Oh, I banged up my left foot. The heel. And my tailbone's had a bad day, too," she answers. I help her get over to the closest rocking chair and she sits down carefully. Her mother carefully takes off the boot. "What happened?" she asks.

"I slipped and fell," she says. We look at her, disbelieving. Katniss does not slip and fall. "On some ice," she adds. Of course, the house is probably bugged, so she cannot really tell us what happened here. Her mother takes off her sock and lightly pushes against her heel. Katniss tries to not make a sound, but the pain is clear on her face.

"There might be a break," her mother determines. Her other foot is fine, but her tailbone is bruised. Prim goes and gets her pajamas and robe and her mother goes to help her get dressed. While they are doing that Haymitch and I go outside to get some snow to put on her foot.

"What do you think?" I whisper.

"She was probably in the woods, but had to get crafty after she realized the fence was on," he whispers back. "Knowing her she probably dropped out of a tree, since she is hurt. That or rolled under it somehow." I roll my eyes, but he is probably right. We head back inside and see Katniss is back in her chair. I go sit next to her and watch as her mother prepares the snow pack and applies it to the injured heel. I want to ask her how she is feeling, what she was thinking, but I know I can't. Prim sits of Katniss's other side and we all suck on peppermints while Katniss plays with Prim's hair and they talk about school.

"Are you going to try on your wedding dresses?" Prim asks. You can tell she is excited to look at the pretty dresses, even though she must know this is against Katniss's real wishes.

"Not tonight. Tomorrow probably," Katniss says. Her voice does not have any malice to it, but no excitement either.

"Wait until I get home, okay?" Prim asks.

"Sure," Katniss answers. Her mother brings her a cup of tea that she dosed with sleep syrup. Katniss begins to show the effects to the syrup immediately. I cannot help but think of the time she tricked me into taking sleep syrup in the Games. I smile a bit at the memory. Her foot gets wrapped up and I offer to get her up to bed. She walks with me for a few moments, but I can tell the combination of the syrup and pain in her foot is taking the toll on her. I just pick her up and carry her up the stairs. She lays her head on my shoulder and I sigh. I love moments like this. I tuck her into bed.

"Goodnight Katniss," I say, turning to leave. She grabs my hand and pulls me back.

"Don't go yet. Not until I fall asleep," she says, groggy from the syrup. I resist the urge to climb into bed and let her rest her head on my shoulder, instead I just sit on the side of her bed, holding her hand in both of mine.

"Almost thought you'd changed your mind today," I say. "When you were late for dinner." She nods, knowing what I meant.

"No, I'd have told you," she says. I believe her, sleep syrup has a way of getting you to tell the truth. My mother used to come in after us getting a dose and ask us questions of missing bread, where our father got a certain item, how much he paid for it. It's amazing what you say about things when you cannot think clearly. She pulls my hand up to her face, resting her cheek on the back of my hand. I can see her getting pulled under. She seems like she wants to tell me something, but instead she says one more thing before closing her eyes, "Stay with me."

I lean down and whisper back, "Always."


	9. Chapter 9

_I just want to say a quick thank you to everyone for the feedback/comments. I am really excited you all enjoy Peeta's POV since I really enjoy writing it. I have been writing Fan Faction and stories since I was a kid, but this is the first I am sharing with someone other than a teacher._

After the event with the Peacekeepers Katniss is quiet, but you can tell something is weighing on her mind. I wonder if it is something she would share with me if she wasn't stuck in her house by her heel. Her mother has put her on bed rest for at least a week. I come over every day, bringing along cheesy bread that I know is Kantiss's favorite. The first couple of days she just stays in her room, not saying anything, staring out of the window. Then she brings out this old book. It has sketches and samples of different kind of plants and their uses. Most of it is obviously used for medicinal purposes, but Katniss shows me the part that her father put in, the one that was the guide to keeping herself and her family alive after he died in that explosion. She explains to me that she wants to add her knowledge.

"I have learned a lot about plants being our there in the woods. Gale taught me a few things and then there's what I learned in the Games," she says. I nod. This is a great idea. It will keep her busy and help inform others in the future, because you never know when Snow will be tired of playing with us.

We spend our mornings together in her bedroom, her explaining plants in detail so I can draw them out. I bring scrape paper because I want to get her approval before I draw it into the book. She is very good at being descriptive and I imagine that when, if ever, she is able to tell stories about her life, wither it is the time in the woods or the Games, she would be just as good painting a picture with her words as I am with my brushes. Some of the plants we have photos of, others we have sample that we carefully tape in place. It is time consuming. I get so engrossed in my work that I am able to not pay attention when she starts inspecting my face. I wonder what I look like while I am doing this. Is it along the lines of the serene look on the face of her mother when she is working on patients? If I concentrated on that too much I would not be able to draw.

Each afternoon I carry Katniss downstairs so she gets some different walls to look at. She likes to turn on the TV and watch it. I am not sure why she would want to watch all the propaganda, all of the replays of the past games, interviews with powerful people, who like to remind everyone that they are powerful. It makes me want to punch something when I see Snow on the screen talking about how, together as a country, we make sure things run so smoothly. Yea, with Peacekeepers and their guns and whips, they make the country run smoothly and for what? For the Capitol and their privileged offspring.

One day I am sketching a flower that Katniss has just given me the okay to draw into the book and suddenly I realize that this is the first thing we have done together that has not been forced. I suddenly stop and out of the corner of my eye I see her start. She looks almost embarrassed and I realize it must because she was staring at my concentration face again. "You know," I say, looking over at her. "I think this is the first time we've ever done anything normal together."

"Yeah," she agrees. "Nice for a change."

"Very nice," I say and get back to drawing the flower.

Katniss starts getting cabin fever. Her mother lets her walk around a bit and gives her exercises to do to make sure her bones are healing back properly, but you can tell she wants to be outside. She thrives outside, it is the only place she seems to really be at ease. And that is what I have seen from her in town and in the Games. I imagine that it is multiplied by 100 when she is in the woods surrounding our district.

One morning, as I am heading out of the door to take bread over to Haymitch and the Everdeen's, I hear a car come to a stop. I look up and see Katniss's prep team, Effie and Cinna climbing out of the car and excited going into the house. I thought Haymitch said it would be another few weeks before the wedding photo shoot? I sigh, knowing she is doomed to be my bride if something doesn't change.

I go on over to her house first, no working on the book today with them there, doubt I will see Katniss at all, actually, so I drop the bread off with her mother and trudge off to check in on Haymitch. I knock on the back door and Hazelle answers in just a few moments. Normally I would just walk in, but since Hazelle has been working for Haymitch I do not want to scare her by just walking in. hat if she was upstairs and didn't hear me. It just seems rude not to knock or ring the bell while someone is awake and moving inside the house.

She smiles and steps back to let me in. "Good morning, Peeta," she says brightly.

"Good morning, Hazelle," I answer. I put the bread down on the table and notice Haymitch is not in his usual spot passed out. "Where's Haymitch?"

"I found him asleep in his bed this morning," she says. "Much easier to clean the kitchen without having to worry about bumping him." I nod.

"That's good. I know sleeping at the table is not good for him," I say. Well, Haymitch is asleep, Katniss is in prep, what to do? "Well, I am going to get on. If you are still here when Haymitch wakes up ask him if he will come find me," I say.

"You going to be over at the Everdeen's?" Hazelle asks, while wrapping the bread in a towel to keep it fresh.

"No, looks like her prep team is here. Time for the photo shoot, I guess," I say, trying to sound offhand. She stops and looks over at me. Her face shows sadness, she too must know that, on my part, the love is real. She also must know that Katniss is in love with her son. She recovers quickly and smiles.

"That's nice. I have been wondering what the dresses look like. I guess we will see them soon." She turns away from me.

"Yea. Well, have a good day, Hazelle," I say and walk out the back door.

I decide to walk to town and see my father. I will not burden him with anything that is weighing on my mind, but it will be nice to see him though. While I walk down the road from the Village to the square I cannot help but think of the ridiculous dresses they must be putting her in. I've seen what they like wedding dresses to look like in the Capitol. If Katniss was to ever be able to get married for real I imagine she would want to wear the nicest pair of pants and a nice button down shirt. I laugh internally at the thought of her and Gale wearing the exact same thing at their wedding. For her sister and mother she would probably wear a dress. Maybe a deep green like the one she wore in District 4. Then I sigh, because we all know that the only wedding she will be getting is one in the Capitol, where her husband will be me.

Suddenly I want to be alone. I do not want to be around anyone. Why would I force my company on anyone when I have put us all into such a wonderful mess? Even my family has suffered, not much, but a little, just because I am their son. They do not get very much business in times like these, but this time they get even less.

I find myself running all the way back to my house in the Village. I ignore the greeting from I hear from Katniss's front door, Effie, I think. I just run inside and slam the door. Being inside isn't much better. I want to run. Run away so that I do not hurt anyone ever again. What would Thread do if I walked into the woods? Would I get the firing squad? Would my death be enough to stop people from hurting our district? No, no. It would make things worse because I would not be here to try to make things right. How am I going to make things right?

I spend the day staring at a blank canvas, just trying to get any kind of idea of how I could back out of this wedding. I paint nothing, nothing in my head to paint at the moment. Finally I give up and go up to bed, even though it is early for bed. That night I just toss and turn and do not get much rest. I keep having dreams of Katniss is white silk streaked with blood, surrounded by the people she loves the most. The worst part is I am there, standing with her in a suit, also covered in blood, but I am the one with the sword. Their deaths are at my hands. I wake up many times, but each time I have a continuation of that same dream, each time a new victim.

When I finally do wake up in the early hours of the morning I decide to go on and get up. I go into the kitchen and need to get out of the house. I wrap up and start toward town. It doesn't take me very long to reach the bakery. I knock on the back door and my mother opens it, a scowl on her face. My presence doesn't cheer her up very much and I wonder if she wishes I had died in the Games.

"What do you want?" she asks, moving back to let me in.

"I just wanted to visit. I haven't been by in a while," I say walking in. "Do you need any help with anything?" She stops and looks at me with a weird look on my face. Almost like she cannot believe I want to work. Does she really think I am that lazy?

"I guess you can start decorating the cakes," she says dismissively. I smile, at least she knows where I want to be. My father and one of my brothers are good decorators, but no one likes theirs as much as they like mine. I find myself getting lost in the old routine here. I haven't been here like this since I became a victor. I find myself forgetting all about the Capitol, the rebellion, Katniss and the wedding. I let myself get lost in frosting and little white flowers. It's not until I hear a few customers talking about a mandatory viewing from the Capitol tonight.

"Must be the reading of the card," my father says. The customer must look confused because my father says, "You know, the one they read at every Quarter Quell." I do not hear the reply. "Oh, well, Peeta is here, we can ask him. Peeta!" my father calls over his shoulder. I walk up to the counter and see one of the older teachers from the school. Must be lunch time.

"Yes?" I am very curious at what they might need to know from me. I haven't talked to anyone from the Capitol in weeks.

"We heard that it they might be showing Katniss and the dresses tonight," she says, looking at me for some kind of confirmation.

"I really don't know. If they are no one has let me know. But they just did the shoot yesterday" I answer honestly. Could they already have the film edited enough to show it tonight? Knowing the Capitol, I am sure they do.

"Well, are you excited? If it is the wedding dresses that means that the wedding should be soon," she says. I know she is wanting more information.

"I am very excited. I cannot wait to have Katniss to be my wife," I answer, knowing that in this reality nothing could be further from the truth, but at the same time I do want to be her husband. If we do get married maybe I can protect her better.

The day moves too quickly for my liking, but finally I have no choice but to head back to my home in the Village. I make it home just in time to see the TV turn itself on and begin the show. Sure enough I see Caesar Flickerman as he begins gushing to his audience about the upcoming pictures of their sweetheart, Katniss Everdeen. So, it will be the dresses. Cinna did a wonderful job designing the dresses and Katniss looks wonderful in each one. The people in the Capitol are able to vote for their favorites and that is the dress she will marry me in. It is all I can do to walk away from the screen, but just as sure as I am that the houses are bugged, I am also sure there are some cameras hidden around too. Just as I am about to turn the TV off, I hear that they are about to do the reading of the card for the special circumstances that goes along with every Quarter Quell.

President Snow comes on screen then and explains what we here every year at the reaping, about the Dark Days, the beginning of the rules that made the games what they are today, and at every 25 year mark there is a special twist. The first time, 25 years after the first games, each district had to vote on who would be going into the games. I cannot imagine picking any person to get subjected to that kind of hell. I also cannot imagine how the kids who go chosen felt about their district after being given enough votes to go to the games. Horrible.

The second anniversary, the 50th year, each district got two boys and two girls reaped to go into the Games. Four children from each district, 47 children in all. That was the year that Haymitch won. I have never asked him how he did it and I never remember seeing it replayed.

"And now we honor our third Quarter Quell…," Snow says and I find myself thinking of which children I will have to coach, who I will have to keep alive. I am not really paying attention to the screen. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

I am stunned for a half of a heartbeat and then I am on my feet. Katniss. She is the only female victor from our district. She is guaranteed to go back into that arena. I know what I have to do. I find myself flying out of the house and toward Haymitch's. I have to go back in with her. I have to get her back to her family, to Prim, to Gale. Haymitch is going to do this for me. I bust in the front door and let it slam behind me. I find Haymitch in his living room, looking at the TV.

"Peeta," he says. "So nice of you to come visit." He turns to me as I move to stand in front of him, snapping the top off a new bottle of white liquor. "What are you going to ask of me? To save her?"

"Of course," I say. I sit in one of the chairs and looks at him. "You owe me, Haymitch. You helped her in the first games, you tried to keep her alive at my death. Now I am telling you to help me keep her alive. You know that if she dies and I live I will have nothing waiting for me. You know I cannot deal with my life at the cost of hers."

"I know. And I will," he says. That is just not good enough. He is going to promise me that he will do everything to save her.

"Haymitch. Say you promise me. If I get picked you will not volunteer to take my place. You will do everything, anything in your power to get her out of that arena alive, even though it means I will die," I say with earnest. He just sits there and looks at me. Studying my face in a way that makes me think he is not going to agree.

"Promise me, Haymitch. You owe me this for leaving me in the first games and only helping her." Even though that is what I wanted, for her to live, but I know Haymitch hates having to choose who he helps each year. This year I will make it easy for him. I am choosing for him. I am not sure what finally makes him speak up, but finally he says, "Fine. If that is what you really want. I promise I will try to keep her alive, at your expense. I promise I will not volunteer if your name is chosen." I relax just a little, but I am still all wound up inside.

"This is going to be hard. She will be trying to save me. She will want you to choose me this time. Tell her you will, but do not go back on the promise you gave me, Haymitch. If I come out alive and she is dead I will make the rest of your life a living hell, or at least kill you," I say, making a promise myself.

"Alright. Alright," Haymitch says, taking a swig of the bottle. He looks down, looking so much older than he really is.

"Alright," I say and walk out, slamming his door behind me. What else can I do? I have to make sure we are all ready. I slowly walk back to my house, trying to get a plan going in my brain. I think of stopping in on Katniss, but I am sure she really needs to be with her family right now. I go into my house and walk up the stairs. I position a chair in front the window so I can look down on anything that happens below. After a little bit I see Gale walk into the Village. He walks straight to Katniss's house and rings the bell. Mrs. Everdeen lets him in. I expect that Katniss is inside, holding on to her sister, not crying, being strong for them like she always is.

I sit for a while, trying to work some kind of plan out in my head. I see a movement from Haymitch's house. At first I think it must be Haymitch either coming to see me or Katniss or staggering someplace for someone to find him passed out in the morning. But the staggering figure I see is too slight to be Haymitch. I am shocked as I watch Katniss stagger up to her door. What is she thinking? She needs to be getting her head together, not picking up a horrible habit. I watch in shock as Gale opens the front door and pulls Katniss to him. Anger and jealousy flair up in my chest. Katniss drops the bottle and passes out in Gale's arms. Anger wins out. Am I going to be the only one who takes this seriously? Katniss is for sure going back into the Games and it will either be me or Haymitch with us. Either way we all have to at our very best.

I jump up, a plan finally forming in my head. I run downstairs and call Effie's number.

"Hello?" I hear her chime.

"Effie? It's Peeta," I say quickly.

"Oh, Peeta. I cannot believe the news….," she begins.

"Yes, yes, I know. It's horrible. Look, I need you to do something for me," I say, not really caring if I offend her right now.

"Well, um, of course, Peeta, anything," she says.


	10. Chapter 10

_OwlLover 250, Thank you SO very much for such an amazing complement. Thank you McMich and BananaLlama6 for keeping me updated on your thoughts. I really LOVE reading the reviews and comments. It makes me feel so great that other people enjoy my writing as much as I love to write. _

I only allow myself a few hours of sleep before I am up with my new plan. The first thing I do is track down Ripper, the old, one armed lady who makes her living by selling white liquor. I explain to her that I need her support in not selling anything to Katniss or Haymitch. I explain that we all need to get in our best shape so that District 12 has another winner and so we all have a chance to make it. She is not willing at first, so I not only threaten to turn her in to the Peacekeepers, but I also hand her a bag full of money, enough to keep her from having to make white liquor for a year and still be able survive.

"I really need Katniss to survive this," I say, passing the bag to her. She looks at me with gray eyes, so similar to Katniss's and nods. I know she has a soft spot for Katniss, just about everyone who used to sell at the Hob does.

"Okay, boy. I will not sell to them or anyone who might pass it along to them," she promises. I nod, hand her a package of little cookies that I normally bring her and begin the walk home. Now comes the hard part. I have to convince Katniss and Haymitch to start training. I finally get to Haymitch's house and decide I might as well start. I walk in, not bothering to knock or ring the bell. I find Haymitch back in his normal stop at the kitchen table. I pry the knife out of his hand, the bottle out of the other and shove him until he wakes up. He fusses for a few minutes and then just sits back. I put some coffee on to boil and head up stairs. There will be hell to pay after I do this. I hunt around all of his hiding spots, a few spots I have found myself and gather all the white liquor bottles. I put them in a box and go into the bathroom. I hear someone come in downstairs, but I don't stop my mission. I pour every last nit of liquor down the drain.

I go down stairs. I see that Katniss is sitting at the table with Haymitch, sipping on some broth in a bowl. I am glad she is here to hear what I did. Time for them both to get serious. I sit the box full of bottles down and say, "There, it's done."

"What's done?" Katniss asks, while Haymitch is still trying to focus on anything around him. I take a breath, this will sober him up.

"I've poured all the liquor down the drain," I say. Haymitch jumps like he has been shocked and starts rummaging through the box.

"You what?"

"I tossed the lot," I answer.

"He'll just buy more," Katniss says, unfazed. Ha, I got them both there.

"No, he won't. I tracked down Ripper this morning and told her I'd turn her in the second she sold to either of you." I see Katniss getting angry. "I paid her off, too, for good measure, butI don't think she's eager to be back in the Peacekeeper's custody."

Haymitch takes a swipe at me with the knife I left on the table, but I easily dodge it.

"What business is it of yours what he does?" Katniss asks, her anger clear on her face. I can get angry too, which is something this must have forgot.

"It's completely my business," I say. "However it falls out, two of us are going to be in the arena again with the other as mentor. We can't afford any drunkards on this team. Especially not you, Katniss."

"What?" she sputters, clearly unaware I know what happened last night and mad that I decided to bring it up. "Last night's the only time I've ever even been drunk."

"Yeah and look at the shape you're in," I spit back at her. She turns to Haymitch and says, "Don't worry, I'll get you more liquor."

"Then I'll turn you both in," I say. She is just not getting it. "Let you sober up in the stocks."

Finally Haymitch seems to come to his senses. "What's the point to this?" he asks.

"The point is that two of us are coming home from the Capitol. One mentor and one victor," I begin. You two, I want to add. "Effie's sending me recordings of all the living victors. We're going to watch their Games and learn everything we can about how they fight. We're going to put on weight and get strong. We're going to start acting like Careers. And one of us is going to be victor again whether you two like it or not!" I turn my back on them and walk out the door, letting it slam behind me. I am amazed that they are not thinking ahead. Two of us are going to have to fight again, two of us might die and one of us will be there to mentor us, to be our only link to the things that could save our lives.

I spend the next few days trying to convince them both that we need to do this. That we need to try to get healthy, learn and relearn to defend ourselves. It takes a few days of my constant badgering, but eventually they give in and start working with me.

We begin a routine. Mornings are for working our bodies. We start out easy, stretching our muscles, running small distances, doing simple lifting exercises. The afternoon we sit aside to learn to fight. We throw knives and try our luck at hand to hand combat. Katniss works with us to teach us to climb trees, something I really do not like to do, but I do it. Haymitch fills us in on everything he can remember about different victors. At night we watch the recaps of all the games with the living victors. I take notes relentlessly, trying to do everything I can to make it easier in the arena.

Haymitch stays sober, not that he has much of a choice, but his body wants to reject the new, healthier regimen. At first, he has trouble throwing or holding on to anything because of the tremble in his hands, he gets very tired after a very short run, but is pretty strong. Eventually he does get better at everything, but not like Katniss and I. Our bodies are loving the new routine. Mrs. Everdeen has us on a special diet to help us put on weight, which is something we all need very badly. Prim helps us by teaching us how to treat our muscles after a hard day of exercise. We get help from the most unlikely places. Madge, the mayor's daughter, sneaks her father's newspapers to us. This helps us not only keep up with Capitol news, but keeps us in the know about how the odds stand in our favor.

One of the most uncomfortable of help comes from Gale. He comes on his only day, Sunday, off to teach us all he can about snares and trapping. It is very uncomfortable at first, but I, at least, begin to relax in his presence. I know that we have our differences, all of which are about Katniss and who we think would be better for her, but we are both able to sit them aside since we both have a common, unspoken goal, keeping Katniss alive.

Before we know it the day of the reaping is upon us. That day is crazy hot and everyone packed into the square is pouring sweat. No one can help but notice all the guns pointed at the crowd, as if we were to revolt at any moment. Katniss stands by herself in a small area roped off to the left of where Haymitch and I stand in a similar area. The reaping itself is extremely short. Of course, Effie is there and pulls the single slip of paper out of the girl's reaping bowl. Then she reaches into the boy's bowl and I cannot help but hope that it is Haymitch's name on the paper she picks. I know he promised to not take my place, but I have a feeling Katniss has a similar request, as in, saving me. You can never really tell which person he is really going to agree with. Effie pulls Haymitch's name and I immediately volunteer to take his place. I think see Haymitch and Katniss give each other an unhappy look, but I know what needs to be done, I have to be in there to protect her, Haymitch needs to be on the outside to help her.

We turn and going to the Justice Building. Now we get to say goodbye to our loved ones. This time is will be easier, last time I was so afraid of what lay before me, this time I know exactly what I want to tell my family. I want them to know why I am giving my life up. But I never get the chance to because Thread is waiting for us and takes us straight to the train because of a 'new procedure'. As soon as we are on the train we begin to move. I look out the window and watch my District shrink away, hopefully for the last time. I can tell Katniss is having a harder time with not saying good bye. Of course, she has so much love for her family. I love my family too, but I was able to let them go back before the first games and I never really built the bridge with them in the year I have been home. Looking back, I think it was better that I didn't get closer to them now.

"We'll write letters, Katniss," I say to her back. "It will be better, anyway. Give them a piece of us to hold on to. Haymitch will deliver them for us if…..they need to be delivered." She doesn't turn, she just nods and walks off. I know she is going to her room to say her goodbyes in her mind. She will never write those letters. She is just not good a expressing her feelings. I decide that I need a moment to myself as well.

Once I am in my room I sit on the bed and pull out a few sheets of paper and begin writing my letters. The first one is to my father. I tell him how I loved growing up as the baker's son and that I appreciated all the work he put in to keep us alive. I tell him to pass along my love to my mother and brothers and give them my thanks for keeping things interesting in my life. Truthfully, I will not write to them because I never really grew close to my brothers and my mother never showed love for any of us. I always felt that, in her mind, we were just there to help out with the work once we were old enough. I end the letter telling my father that I really am in love with Katniss and my plan is for her to get out alive, at the cost of my own life. I request that he keep an eye on the Everdeen's and help them if there is anything they may need help with.

Next, I write to Haymitch. I tell him about how I am really glad to have been on this journey with him and that I am really glad he is willing to help Katniss live. I ask him to try to stay sober enough to keep her on track throughout the rest of her life and to keep Hazelle employed after these games are over as well. I finish by telling him that I this, dying for Kantiss to live, is what I need to do and is the best thing I can ever do with my life.

The person I surprise myself with wanting to write is Gale. I keep it very short, but I let him know that I truly love Kantiss with everything I am. I tell him that when she gets home from these games to not rest until she lets him take care of her emotionally. I tell him the trick to getting her back after nightmares is to hand her hands and call her name in a soft voice. At the end I just plead with him to keep her safe and love her for both of us.

The last letter I write is for Katniss. I explain my choice to her, why I am allowing myself to die to keep her alive, that this is what I want to do. I remind her that her mother, sister and Gale all need her to be alive and well. I tell her that I need her to be alive, at home, taking care of them and Haymitch. I ask her to remember that happiest days of my life where spend with her in our little cave in the Games, when I had everything I wanted under the craziest of circumstances. I beg her to take any pain or betrayal she feels of when she thinks of me and use it to love her family. I request that, even though I know she thinks really does not want to, she marry Gale and love him as much as I love her. 'You never know,' I write, my hand shaking and tears falling, 'You might find that one day you want to make him a father and become the amazing mother I know you can be.' I sign it with all the love I can express on paper and fold it away with the others. I know she will be so angry if I succeed that she might just rip the letter up, but it makes me feel a bit better that I am able to write this last letter to her.

I put each letter in an envelope and tuck them all in a larger envelope that I address to Haymitch. I take a few moments to clean myself up, trying to hide the fact that I have been crying. By the time Effie knocks on the door to call me to dinner I am able to put on a small smile and walk out of the door. Dinner is very quiet, no one is wanting to talk very much. In fact only Effie and I try small talk, but only a few times and without much success to get the others to join in.

"I love your new hair, Effie," I say, trying again to start some kind of conversation. Of all the hair I have seen on Effie, this one is definitely the one I like best. A nice golden color.

"Thank you," she says, smiling. "I had it done to match Katniss's pin. I was thinking we might get you a golden ankle band and maybe find Haymitch a gold bracelet or something so we could all look like a team." I nod. That is a really nice idea.

"I think that's a great idea," I offer. "How about it, Haymitch?" I ask him.

"Yeah, whatever," is all I get as a reply. I noticed that Effie had her own wine taken away from the table after she realized that Haymitch is not drinking. I know it is hard for him, but we need his head on straight now that he is our mentor again.

"Maybe we could get you a wig, too," Katniss jokes at Haymitch and he shoots her a look that could kill a lesser person. We all finish our dessert in silence.

"Shall we watch the recap of the reapings?" Effis asks. We all agree and as everyone gets settled in front of the television I go to my room and get the notebook that has all the information on all the living victors. Finally we can narrow down our competition. There are seventy-five victors in all, only fifty-nine of us still survive. As we watch the reaping's I star the pages of the victors we will face in arena. Haymitch stays quiet and Effie makes hushed reactions and sometimes comments as the victors come forward. Katniss is watching with interest and seems to be sizing up our opponents. The only reaping that sticks in my mind is the one in District 4. When the female victor is called, it is a striking young woman who seems a bit unstable, but she is quickly replaced by an old woman. She must be in her eighties and she walks with a cane. I am amazed that she is willing to give up what is left of her life to save the woman. We watch ourselves and I confirm the look I thought I saw between Katniss and Haymitch.

Haymitch is gone as soon as the television grows dark and Effie follows soon after. I just sit there, ripping out the pages of people who were not picked. Only Katniss and I sit in the car. "Why don't you get some sleep?" I ask her.

"What are you going to do?" she asks.

"Just review my notes awhile. Get a clear picture of what we're up against. But I'll go over it with you in the morning. Go to bed, Katniss," I say. I really want to do this alone. She walks on out and I hope that she is able to get some good sleep without nightmares. I sit and go over all my notes off all the victors. I find that I am straining to remember certain ones in their games so I decided to rewatch some of the games until I fell tired enough to go to bed.

A few hours later, while I am watch a Victor named Brutus during his games, I look up to see Katniss. Of course she couldn't sleep. I get up and turn off the film. "Couldn't sleep?" I ask her.

Not for long," she answers, pulling her robe around as if she is trying to protect herself from the dream.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask. She shakes her head and I hold my arms out to her. We've left the people we love back in District 12 and I am going to try to make the last days I have with her count. I haven't really touched her in any kind of affectionate way since we came home from our Victor's Tour. I know she picked Gale over me, but right now it is just me and her and she I know she needs this contact as much as I do.

She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls herself close. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her even closer, burying my face in her hair. I take a chance and kiss her neck, knowing that at any moment she will pull back. But she doesn't and we stay in our embrace, she accepts my kisses along her neck and jaw, until a Capitol attendant arrives with a tray. I see a jug with steaming liquid and two mugs.

"I brought an extra mug," he says, sitting the tray onto the table.

"Thanks," Katniss says, she must have ordered something.

"And I added a touch of honey to the milk. For sweetness. And just a pinch of spice," he adds. He stands there for a moment, almost like he needs or wants to say something else. But he just shakes his head and leaves the room.

"What's with him?" Kantiss asks, confused.

"I think he feels bad for us," I answer. We are the star-crossed lovers from District 12, never catching a break, it seems.

"Right," Katniss says, pouring each of us a mug of milk.

"I mean it. I don't think the people in the Capitol are going to be happy about our going back in," I say seriously. "Or the other victors. They get attached to their champions."

"I'm guessing they'll get over it once the blood starts flowing," Katniss says briskly. She right. The Capitol might love the victors, but they love the games more. "So, you're watching all the tapes again?" she asks.

"Not really," I answer. "Just sort of skipping around to see people's different fighting techniques."

"Who's next?"

"You pick." I offer the box to her. She looks around in the box and holds up a tape. The tape says it is year fifty. The name of the victor? Haymitch Abernathy.

"We never watched this one," she says. I shake my head.

"No. I knew Haymitch didn't want to. The same way we didn't want to relive our own Games. And since we're all on the same team, I didn't think it mattered much," I explain.

"Is the person who won twenty-five in here?" she asks.

"I don't think so. Whoever it was must be dead by now, and Effie only sent me the victors we might have to face." I take the tape from her. I know Haymitch would not want us to watch it, but I have always been curious at how he won, especially after I learned it was the year that twice as many tribute were chosen. "Why? You think we ought to watch it?"

She shrugs. "It's the only Quell we have. We might pick up something valuable about how they work," she says. I can tell she is also wondering how these games were won. "We don't have to tell Haymitch we saw it."

"Okay," I agree, still feeling like we shouldn't, but I put the tape in anyway and settle into the couch. I am surprised when Katniss curls up next to me like she did when we did our final interviews after the first Games, but I do not comment on it.

The tapes begins with President Snow, looking much like he does now, even though it was twenty five years ago, reads the card telling the districts of Panem that they are going to give twice the number of children for the Games. Next are the reapings, where we watch four kids from each district get chosen. All these kids who are going to die in the arena. When we finally reach our district I really just want to stop watching. A colorful lady, who is in the spot that I am used to Effie being, calls out the first name. "Maysilee Donner." Katniss starts and says, "Oh! She was my mother's friend." When they find her in the crowd she is hugging two other girls. One looks like Prim.

"I think that's your mother hugging her," I say. I can see why my father was after her, she is beautiful. She continues to hold the hand of another girl, who looks like Katniss's friend Madge. Right when I realize who it is Katniss whispers, "Madge."

"That's her mother. She and Maysilee were twins or something," I explain, remembering my father talking about it sometime in the past. "My dad mentioned it once," I explain.

We grow quite as they draw another girls name and the two boys, Haymitch's called the very last. A young Haymitch is shocking. He looked strong and had a dangerous look in his gray eyes.

"Oh, Peeta,"Katniss says. "You don't think he killed Maysilee, do you?"

"With forty-eight players? I'd say the odds are against it," I saw. I really do not see Haymitch killing someone from his own district, but then again, the Games have made people do crazy things.

We watch the chariot rides, District 12 dressed in the coal miners outfits. The interviews go by with out much incident, until we reach Haymitch's. Caesar Flickerman is there, looking like he does now, but with deep green lips, hair and eyes.

"So, Haymitch, what do you think of the games having one hundred percent more competitors than usual?" he asks.

"I don't see that it makes much difference," Haymitch says, shrugging. "They'll still be one hundred percent as stupid as usual, so I figure my odds will be roughly the same." We watch the audience as it laughs and I am amazed. How arrogant to think that way.

"He didn't have to reach far for that, did he?" Katniss says, clearly thinking along the same lines as me.

Next is the morning of the Games. The arena is beautiful. The Cornucopia is sitting in the middle of a meadow, surrounded by flowers in patches. The sky is a perfect blue, something I still cannot get right when I paint. When the shot is shown from above you can see that the meadow is huge, one side has woods, and the other side has a mountain with snow.

When the gong sounds most of the players are still taking in the beauty of the arena. Haymitch is at the Cornucopia in a flash, weapons chosen, a nice backpack full of supplies, and is almost to the woods before some of the others even step off their plates.

Eighteen children die at the mouth of the Cornucopia. Others dies off pretty quickly, because we soon learn that almost everything, the fruit, the flowers, even the water is poison. The tributes must collect rain water to drink and can only eat the food from the Cornucopia. Then you add in the ten Careers that are trekking the mountain looking for more victims.

Maysilee leaves the Cornucopia with just a small backpack, but does well anyway. In her pack she finds darts and a blowgun, which is turns into a great weapon once she starts dipping the darts in the poison that is all around her. Haymitch finds out that some little gold squirrels like meat and attack in packs and the pretty butterfly he ignores have some nasty stings. But he keeps going, keeping a good distance between himself and the mountain.

After four days the mountain suddenly becomes a volcano. In the lava another twelve are killed, including many of the Career pack. This forces everyone into the woods since the meadow has no way of concealing anything. This leaves thirteen children left. I find myself trying to remember that all but Haymitch are now dead, but it doesn't stop me from flinching a the violent and tragic deaths of them all.

Haymitch is finally forced back into the woods, were he encounters three of the Careers. He pulls his knife and is able to kill two of them before he is caught by the third. He is so fast it is amazing that he is the same person that we know now. He is just about to get his throat slash by that Career when suddenly a dart kills the Career. Maysilee steps towards Haymitch and says, "We'd live longer with the two of us."

"Guess you just proved that," Haymitch answers. "Allies?" Maysilee just nods. Just like any other pairing, they do better with the two of them. The get more rain water, they get to rest more, share food and fight as a team. Haymitch insists that they must keep moving. Finally Maysilee asks him the question that is in my mind as well. "Why?" And she stops until he answers.

"Because it has to end somewhere, right? The arena can't go on forever," Haymitch says.

"What do you expect to find?" she asks.

"I don't know, but maybe there's something we can use." Finally they are able to get through a huge hedge with a blowtorch and find themselves on a dry, flat earth that only leads to a cliff. Over the edge are jagged rocks.

"That's all there is, Haymitch. Let's go back," Maysilee suggests.

"No. I'm staying here," Haymitch answers.

"Alright," Maysilee says. "There's only five of us left. May as well say good-bye now, anyway. I don't want it to come down t you and me."

"Okay," Haymitch agrees. She walks away and that is the end of the alliance. Haymitch keeps going along the edge of the cliff as if he is looking for something. A pebble is kicked off the side and as Haymtich sits down for a moment we all see the pebble shoot right back up. Haymitch get a curious look on his face. He throws a rock and watches as it comes back up as well, right into his hand. Haymitch laughs and seconds later we here Maysilee scream. Haymitch jumps up and runs toward her scream. He arrives just in time to watch the last of some crazy pink birds finish attacking her, one stabbing her in the neck, and he sits and holds her hand as she dies, all of us knowing he is too late to save her.

Two other tribute die that day, leaving just Haymitch and a big girl from District 1. The final battle is bloody and each of them give the other fatal wounds. Haymtich is disarmed and he staggers into the woods. She follows, carrying a lethal looking ax. Haymitch makes it to his cliff, all the while trying to hold in the cut on his stomach. The Career throws the ax and he is just able to go flat on the ground so it is thrown off the cliff. The girl just stands there looking from Haymitch and back to the cliff. She is bleeding from her eye and you can tell that now she is just hoping Haymitch will die before she does. Then, just like we all knew it would, the ax flies back up and lodges itself in the girls head.

I turn the tape off and we both just sit there for a few moments. Finally I say, "That force field at the bottom of the cliff, it was like the one on the roof of the Training Center. The one that throws you back if you try to jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon."

"No just against the other tributes, but the Capitol, too," Katniss says. I look at her, confused. "You know they didn't expect that to happen. It wasn't meant to be part of the arena. They never planned on anyone using it as a weapon. It made them look stupid that he figured it out. I bet they had a good time trying to spin that one. Bet that's why I don't remember seeing it on television. It's almost as bad as us and the berries!" she explains. I see. Maybe that is why Haymitch does not have any family left. Did the Capitol kill off his family accidents like they threaten to do to Katniss's? Katniss begins laughing, like really laughing hard. I think that she must be under some extreme stress to keep laughing like that in the face of what we have before us. I shake my head a bit.

"Almost, but not quite," we hear from behind us. I start and see Haymitch standing behind us. I wonder how long he has been standing back there. I think he might be mad that we watched his tape, but he just smiles and take a swig from the wine bottle he is holding. I take a deep breath. I guess I should have known he would start drinking again. He did pretty well helping Katniss out during the last games and he wasn't sober. I guess I shouldn't worry too much, as long as he doesn't get out of hand again.


	11. Chapter 11

My prep team is inconsolable. They are so upset that Katniss and I are being sent back into the arena that they can hardly handle prepping me. They hardly talk and have so many tears in their eyes that I am surprised they can even do their jobs properly. It does seem to take a bit longer than before for Portia is finally able to come in.

"Peeta," she says, kissing my cheek. I smile. I really like Portia. Even though she is from the Capitol, she really doesn't seem like she is. It's almost like she is a different breed, like Cinna. They are defiantly not like any of the other people here.

"How have you been?" I ask. She give me a sad smile and shakes her head.

"I have been fine," She answers. "The question is, how have you been?" I think on it for a minute. I am worried, determined, a little scared, but nothing I can't handle.

"I'm fine, really," I answer. I know she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't press it. We eat lunch in silence and I am thinking of what we might be wearing tonight. After last year's first, what could we do to top it?

After lunch Portia starts on my makeup, last year I was surprised that they even put makeup on the boys, but it wasn't very much and you really could not tell. This year Portia spends time highlighting features in my face that I didn't notice was there. Then she puts me in a skin tight, black suit that covers everything from my neck to my feet. Portia touches a little button and suddenly my suit lights up. It is amazing to watch because it is like I am a piece of wood that has been smoldering in a fire. I am speechless and Portia pushes the button again.

"We don't want you too loose power before the show."

"That is just amazing, Portia. How did you do it?" I ask, amazed.

She laughs carelessly, waves her hand and says, "Oh, Cinna and I spent a very long time looking at fires. Come on, it's nearly time for the ride. Don't want to miss your entrance." We walk to the elevator. "I need to do a few things. If I do not see you before you go on I want you to not look at the crowd at all, no waving, no smiling. Make sure they know you are angry." I nod. I can do that. I go down to the ground floor and make my way toward Katniss, who is standing next to our horses talking with Fennick Odair, Tribute from District 4.

I cannot help but notice that everyone is talking to everyone else. Last year the tributes did not socialize, but this year is so different because many of these people are friends with the each other. The exception is Katniss and I who only know Haymitch, who is nowhere to be found. I wonder what Fennick would want to say to Katniss. As I get closer I see that his stylists have him draped in a golden net with a knot perfectly place over his private parts. I smile because I know that must be driving Katniss insane. She does not like to deal with anything remotely sexual. He walks away before I get there and I come up beside Katniss and ask, "What did Finnick Odair want?"

She turns to me, puts her lips close to mine, looks up at me with an intense stare and says seductively, "He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets."

I cannot help but laugh. "Ugh. Not really," I say.

"Really," she says. "I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling." I keep the smile in place because I knew he would make her uncomfortable.

"Do you think we'd have ended up like this if only one of us had won?" I ask, looking around. "Just another part of the freak show?"

"Sure. Especially you," she says.

"Oh. And why especially me?" I say, smiling down at her.

"Because you have a weakness for beautiful things and I don't. They would lure you into their Capitol ways and you'd be lost entirely," she says, smirking. I hope she really doesn't think so low of me.

"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness. Except possibly when it comes to you," I say. The doors open and music starts. I reach for her hand and say, "Shall we?" She takes my hand and climbs up, pulling me up after. "Hold still," she says, straightening my crown. "Have you seen your suit turned on? We're going to be fabulous again."

"Absolutely. But Portia says we're to be very above it all. No waving or anything. Where are they?" I ask looking around.

"I don't know," she says, also looking around. "Maybe we better go ahead and switch ourselves on?" I nod and we do. As soon as we do people around us start staring and pointing. We will defiantly be the talk of the ceremonies again this year. "Are we supposed to hold hands this year?" she asks.

"I guess they've left it up to us," I answer. I look down into her gray eyes and remember last time we were here. I held her hand like it was my lifeline, trilled that even though I was sure to die, I had these moments with her. Now we are going in, both of us trying to keep the other alive this time. We each reach out and take the other's hand without saying anything else.

We go forward and I fixate on a spot in the extreme distance and just try to ignore the people all around us. I cannot help to notice that most of the other tributes and it looks like even President Snow is watching us. I love not having to pretend I am happy to be here, that I love the people of the Capitol. Katniss and I do not relax our positions, we do not relax the looks in our faces, not until we are back in the Training Center. Portia and Cinna are there to tell us how well we did and we even see Haymitch talking with the victors of District 11.

Chaff, the male victor, I know because he a Haymitch are friends, well as much as Haymitch can stand to call someone a friend. He is tall, with dark skin. When he won is games thirty years ago he also lost part of one of his arms. Haymitch waves them over to meet us. The female, Seeder, must be at least in her sixties with straight black hair. She looks strong and healthy, it doesn't seem like she picked up any habits like some of the other victors have.

When they reach us Seeder reaches out and gives Katniss a hug. I hear them whisper to each other and I know Katniss must be asking about the families of Thresh and Rue. That is something she has worried about since the day we left District 11 on our Victory Tour. When they release I see a bit of relief on Katniss's face so I know they must still live, for now. Next thing I know I am kind of pushed to the side so Chaff can throw his good arm around Katniss and plant a big kiss right smack on her mouth. She jerks back and Haymitch and Chaff laugh.

Luckily, it is time for us to go back to our own floors. The victors seem to be enjoying themselves by socializing with each other, something that you can tell the Capitol Attendants are not use to. They have a bit of trouble getting everyone to shift towards the elevators. Katniss and I do not drop our hands, but we do walk towards the elevator. District 7 female victor, Johanna Mason, the only one from that District, comes up beside Katniss then. She pulls off a headdress that seems full of leaves and throws it behind her. This girl played everyone during her games. She acted like a weakling and once in the arena turned almost into a savage with a wonderful ability to kill.

"Isn't my costume awful?" she asks Katniss. "My stylist's the biggest idiot in the Capitol. Our tributes have been trees for 40 years under her. Wish I'd gotten Cinna. You look fantastic." Katniss smile politely, but I can tell she cares nothing of talking clothes with this woman.

"Yeah, he's been helping me design my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet," Katniss says. I have to hide my smile.

"I have. On your tour. That strapless number you wore in District 2?" Johanna says. Katniss looks like she is trying to remember. I know she wishes she could just walk away from this conversation. She really cares nothing about clothes. "The deep blue one with the diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back."

We are still waiting on the elevator and Johanna starts unzipping her dress. She lets it drop to the floor and pushes it out of the way with her foot. She is left standing there with us with nothing but her green slippers on. "That's better," she says brightly. I advert my eyes and catch a peek of the look on Katniss's face. It is all I can do not to laugh. She must not realize that they are acting this way because of her and how innocent she is. We end up on the elevator with Johanna, Seeder and Chaff. Johanna asks me about my paintings and I see her smirk grow bigger each time she gets a change to glance at Katniss's face. I know Katniss is embarrassed and probably getting pretty mad because her grip on my hand is so hard my hand is going numb and once we are alone in the elevator she throws my hand to the side. I cannot help but laugh out loud now that we are alone. She doesn't realize that they are just picking at her?

"What?" she says, turning to me as we finally step out of the elevator onto our floor.

"It's you, Katniss. Can't you see?" I ask. She must be oblivious.

"What's me?" she asks.

"Why they're all acting like this," I explain. "Finnick with his sugar cubes and Chaff kissing you and that whole thing with Johanna stripping down." I stop and try to make my voice more serious, but I really find the whole situation really funny. "They're playing with you because you're so…you know."

"No. I don't know," she says, trying to hide her frustration.

"It's like when you wouldn't look at me naked in the arena even though I was half dead. You're so…"I stop, what's a good word? "Pure."

"I am not!" she exclaims. "I've been practically ripping your clothes off every time there's been a camera for the last year!" I didn't think she would get this upset. I really think they are just trying to have fun with her.

"Yeah, but…..I mean, for the Capitol, you're pure. For me, you're perfect. They're just teasing you." I want to take her in my arms, but I know that will just make her even madder.

"No, they're laughing at me, and so are you!" she spits at me. Like I would ever treat her like that. I shake my head, trying to hide the smile that wants to creep onto my face. "No," I say. I begin to try to explain to her again that it is all in good fun and she is taking it too seriously, but Haymitch and Effie get off the elevator right then, looking pretty happy.

I see Haymitch's face get serious and angry and suddenly I think that Katniss and I must have done something wrong, but he is looking past us. I follow his gaze and gasp. Effie looks too and says brightly, "Looks like they've got you a matched set this year." Anger flairs up inside me. I see Katniss whip her head around and she takes in the scene.

Standing a bit away from us are the Avox pair that will tend to us during our stay. The red headed girl from last year is here, the one Katniss saw in the woods, but next to her is another red head, a boy. A boy Katniss knows very well. Darius, one of the old Peacekeepers from our District, the one who got knocked out during Gale's whipping.

Haymitch grabs Katniss by the wrist, I guess thinking she will act out in some way, getting Darius in even more trouble, but she just stands there, shocked. When she regains herself she twists her arm away from Haymitch and walks down the hall to her room. We hear the click of her lock and I know we better leave her alone.

Effie looks after Katniss with a confused look on her face. "Did something happen?" she asks uncertainly, looking from Haymitch and myself. I recover before Haymitch does and soothingly, "Not really. Some of the other victors were poking fun at her, nothing big, Effie."

"Well, they should leave her alone, after all she has been through," Effie says walking away. Haymitch is just shaking his head and not looking toward Darius. We all know that if we show any kind of kinship with him we will be causing him some sort of punishment.

"I'm going to get cleaned up," I tell Haymitch and walk to my room. I close the door behind me and find myself wondering how Katniss is dealing. I know she spent time with Darius at the Hob and since he stepped up to try to save Gale, I am sure it was almost a friendship. I cannot imagine how much it must be weighing on her mind that he is now here to serve us. Knowing her the way I do, she is probably thinking it is her fault because she was not with Gale the day of the whipping and Darius felt the need to step up to Thread. I know she is feeling guilty that he is now an Avox. How could I tell her that everything that has happened since the last games are not her fault? Everyone was already getting restless, they just looked at our berry stunt as a kicking off point. Would she even listen to what I had to say? No. She seemed very angry with me because she thinks I am laughing at her with the other victors.

I know that dinner will be soon, so I take off my costume and wash my face free of all the dramatic makeup. I find some soft pants and shirt and walk toward the dining room, where I take my normal seat. I am there before anyone else, but it is not long before Effie comes in and sits across from me at the table. I have an idea of the token I want to wear in the arena.

"Effie," I begin. "I was wondering if you already ordered my token to wear for our team?"

"Oh, no. I was wanting to talk to you about that. Would you like an ankle bracelet, a band for your wrist…" she starts.

"No. I was thinking of a locket. If you can do it, I want it to have pictures of Katniss's mother and Prim on one side and Gale on the other," I explain. She looks at me, clearly confused. "You see, and don't try to change my mind, Effie, I am 100% trying to get Katniss back home after these Games. This can be my token and it will be a way for me to convince her in the arena that letting me die is the right thing to do. I want to be able to remind her of the people she will be leaving behind if she goes through with her plan of saving me," I tell her. It takes her a moment, but she recovers and looks at me with sad eyes.

"Okay, Peeta. I will do my best. Now, to make it look similar I will put the mockingjay on the front, okay?" she regains her business like tone toward the end.

"That will be perfect, Effie. Thank you, really." I hear Cinna and Portia in the hall and I sit up and make my face blank. Effie goes to get Katniss and soon after Haymitch staggers in. We only wait a few more moments for Katniss and the dinner is served. We all sit around making small talk about the opening ceremonies, the other victors and the other costumes. Katniss never joins in the conversation and we do not try to make her either. We can all tell she is going through enough.

About halfway through dinner I watch her deliberately knock over a dish of peas. She dives under the table to clean it up and is joined by Darius. Know she is just trying to get some kind of contact with him since she is not able to talk to him, or acknowledge him at all without asking for something. Next to her, Effie is clicking her tongue impatiently. "That's not your job, Katniss!" Effie says quickly. Katniss rejoins us, but still does not offer anything. Oh, why must Snow do this to Katniss? Isn't enough that he first took her away from her family, then made her feel the need to be engaged to me, now he is possibly taking away her future by throwing her back in the Games? Why must he keep rubbing salt on the wounds he has inflicted? We know our lives and the lives of everyone we love is in his hands, now he has to throw this in too?

After dinner we all go watch the recap of the ceremonies. Katniss sits between Haymitch and Cinna. I know she is still angry with me, but I want to let her know that I am here to help her, however and whatever she needs. I will have to wait until tonight, if she even lets me talk to her.

We watch the procession of victors riding around City Circle. I cannot help but notice how everyone else looks. It is bad enough when they dress up us kids in these ridiculous costumes, but to do it to grow people, victors, none the less. You would think the stylists would try to give them a bit more dignity, make the costumes a bit less pointed and a bit more refined. No one says much, just a few off hand comments here and there, but basically everyone is just quiet and patiently waiting for it to be over. As soon as the recap is over Katniss gets up, gives Portia and Cinna thanks for the awesome costumes and heads to bed.

"Don't forget about the early breakfast before training begins," Effie calls after her, her voice sad. I know that this must be hard for Effie, she finally had a good year, not only did her tribute win, but two of us were allowed to live and she should have been upgraded to a better District this year, but instead she is not only stuck with District 12, but having to see friends go into the arena where only one will come back out. I wait a few minutes, trying to decide on whether or not I will try to talk to Katniss tonight, and finally decide that I might as well try. I get up and look at our team.

"Portia, Cinna, thank you so much for all the amazing work you do," I say. They both nod and I bid them all goodnight, Effie calling the same reminder behind me for an early breakfast.

I pause outside of Katniss's bedroom, listening for the running of the shower, and knock softly. I am not really sure she will want to talk to me or for me to sleep with her, even though the nightmares will probably be bad. I wait a few more moments, then walk slowly to my room, lightly closing the door behind me. She must really believe I was laughing at her earlier. How can I fix that one?

I put my pajamas on and sit on my bed. I have no desire to go to sleep. Katniss won't talk to me. I already talked to Effie about the locket. Haymitch is probably drunk. I find myself getting up and going to the roof. I walk to the extreme edge and perch myself there, thinking how I can possibly keep Katniss alive with all these other killers, how will I be able to convince her that is it my time to die? I keep going through different conversations in my head, but I always imagine her not believing what I say or walking away from the truth. I spend hours on the roof going over different ideas in my head. Finally I realize I am really ready to lay down and make my way back to my bed, where I just pass out.

The next morning I wake up to Effie's normal knock, followed by her reminder of another "big, big day". I roll out of bed and slash my face with cold water before I realized that I do not remember any of the dreams I had last night. I am fairly sure that I had some, but not nightmares, nothing crazy. I feel pretty well rested given my current circumstances. I pull on the outfit Portia sent for training and head to eat breakfast.

Haymitch and Effie are there and are already eating, so I help myself as well. For a while we just sit and eat our breakfast, no one really talking about anything important because Katniss has still not arrived. Effie goes twice to ask her to join her, but she never shows. She must be extremely upset over what happened yesterday and by seeing Darius here.

"Well, since she won't come out right now, what is the plan, Haymitch?" I ask.

"That girl. She is going to make me have a stroke, I swear it," Haymitch mutters instead of answering my question. "Obviously you two will still act like you are in love," he begins. I nod, knowing that would be a thing. "Next, I want you to get some allies."

"What?" I say, dropping my fork. Allies? Why? "I think it will be better just Katniss and I. How can we trust these people? They are all probably wanting to kill us first because we are the most recent victors."

"You're probably right, but you are going to need allies in there this time. Every one of these people are killers. You are going to need someone to watch your backs in there. Trust me, I know what I am talking about," Haymitch says seriously. I nod, conceding for the moment. I know there is no way Katniss will go for this though, so hopefully we will be able to make it just us. We continue to wait and I begin to get anxious. Is she going to show up at all? At nine thirty, Haymitch stomps to her door and beats on it, screaming for her to get in the dining room now. I don't know why she thinks is it good to make him so angry, it just makes things harder for both of us.

Finally she walks into the room, dressed in an identical training outfit and sits across from Haymitch and me. Haymitch is beyond angry and he sits twisting his new gold bangle that Effie gave him. His token for the team. "You're late," he says, not even trying to hide his anger from her.

"Sorry. I slept in after the mutilated-tongue nightmares kept me up half the night," she snaps at him, her voice catching at the end of the sentence. I wish she would have let me stay with her last night. I know it might not have stopped the dreams, but I normally can make them better. I resist the urge to get up and embrace her, as Haymitch gets down to business.

"All right, never mind. Today, in training, you've got two jobs. One, stay in love."

"Obviously," Katniss says, rolling her eyes.

"And two, make some friends."

"No," she says. I smirk. I knew she wouldn't go for it. "I don't trust any of them. I can't stand most of them, and I'd rather operate with just the two of us."

"That's what I said at first, but," I begin, but Haymitch cuts me off.

"But it won't be enough. You're going to need more allies this time around."

"Why?" she asks.

"Because you're at a distinct disadvantage. Your competitors have known each other for years. So who do you think they're going to target first?" he explains.

"Us. And nothing we're going to do is going to override any old friendship. So, why bother?" she asks.

"Because you can fight. You're popular with the crowd. That could still make you desirable allies. But only if you let the others know you're willing to team up with them."

"You mean you want us in the Career pack this year?" she asks, clearing upset by the idea. I agree with her. Most of the tributes and victors from those Districts are horrible.

"That's been our strategy, hasn't it? To train like Careers?" Haymitch asks, taking my idea and twisting it into something I did not even think about. "And who makes up the Career pack is generally agreed upon before the Games begin. Peeta barely got in with them last year." I feel ashamed as he says that, even though I did it to try to keep them away from Katniss, I still feel like I betrayed her by doing it. I can tell her is still upset from that a well.

"So we're to try to get in with Finnick and Brutus…..is that what you're saying?" Finnick? Brutus? Could we really trust them, even for a few days?

"Not necessarily," Haymitch says. "Everyone's a victor. Make your own pack if you'd rather. Choose who you like. I'd suggest Chaff and Seeder. Although Finnick's not to be ignored. Find someone to team up with who might be of some use to you. Remember, you're not in a ring full of trembling children anymore. These people are all experienced killers, no matter what shape they appear to be in."

I finally see what Haymitch is trying to say. It sounds like he is right. Katniss and I both promise that we will try to make friends and Effie shows up to bring us down to the training room.

"Let's go down a bit early. I didn't like how we were the last to show up last year," Effie says.

"Let them go alone," Haymitch says, waving his hand.

"Why?" Effie asks, clearly offended, this is her job after all.

"No one else will have a babysitter bringing them in, Effie. They need to look like they can take care of themselves." He walks out of the room and heads toward the roof. We follow Effie to the elevator and you can tell she doesn't like the idea of us going alone. I suppress and smile as Effie tucks Katniss's stray hair behind her ear, pushes mine out of my eyes and pushes the button for us.


	12. Chapter 12

After the door closes I take Katniss by the hand and enjoy the warmth of her hand in mine. I expect her to pull way, but she knows we must be presented as a united front even if she is mad at me. We do not speak as the elevator takes us down and we are defiantly not the last tributes there. Enobaria is a vicious looking woman from District 2, who has each of her teeth filed into points. Brutus is also from District 2 and from what I hear he loves to fight.

Atala, the woman in charge of training, begins right at ten o'clock, even though only about half of us have shown up. She reminds us of all the stations, both survival and combat, and releases us to begin. I figure we will do like we did last year, me following Katniss to the stations that interest her, but instead she tells me she thinks we would cover more people by splitting up. I agree with her, mainly because I am still trying to make her happy since making her so angry last night.

I walk over to the spear station and watch Brutus and Chaff throw spears for a while. They are both extremely good and can make a clean kill within a good twenty feet. Brutus moves on pretty quickly after I begin throwing spears, but Chaff stay and gives me a few pointers on how to throw straighter, faster. I am amazed his accuracy on the dummies. I still manage to get in kill shot, but the kind that will have your victim bleeding for hours waiting to die, whereas he is able to do a straight kill shot. We do not talk much at first, but eventually he starts giving me a few one line jokes that has us cracking up in a matter of minutes. Most of them are horribly bad, pointed at himself and his stub, but he thinks they are funny and I love to see people happy, so laugh along.

After a while we both decide to go on to something else. I choose the knife station and Chaff decides to join me. After about thirty minutes of just us two we are joined by the tributes from District 7 and 8. I cannot remember their names, but after spending some time with them I am not sure I would have them on a team. In fact, even though I am really beginning to like some of these people on a personal level, I really do not want to have any of them on a team, just to have to turn around and kill them in the end and if I am going to get Katniss out alive, I know I will have to kill at least some of them. I take this moment and glance around the rest of the arena. I see Katniss with the District 3 tributes at the fire building station, Johanna Mason, nude again, is beginning a wrestling match with an attendant. The District 6 tributes, or the morphlings, as they are called because of their love of morphling, are at the camouflage station painting each other in vivid pink. I decided to move on and I spot Seeder at the knot-tying station.

Seeder ends up being a very nice woman. She is extremely thoughtful and her words are full of wisdom. I find being around her ends up feeling like a learning experience, which is something I truly enjoy. We are joined after a while buy just about everyone I have worked with today, along with Johanna, thankfully dressed again, and Finnick, and I begin to realize that everyone seems to be arranging themselves around me and that leaves me flattered, but a bit confused. I always had a bunch of friends at home, before the games, that is, so maybe I am just likable? I don't see that. They must want to know what I am good at, what Katniss is good at, so they can kill us faster. We are the youngest and possibly the fittest in the group.

Lunch is called and I see Katniss walking in with Beetee and Wiress, the District 3 tributes whom Johanna lovingly calls Nuts and Volts. They are so kind of joke to the rest of the tributes, but I haven't personally talked to them. When we walk in to the lunch room I notice that a few of the group I was just in begins to pull all the tables together so we are all eating together. This is so extremely different, but I guess, since most of them are friends, this is the way they rebel? I decide to help them arrange the rest of the tables and catch up with Katniss as she is getting stew. "How's it going?"

"Good. Fine. I like the District 3 victors. Wiress and Beetee," she says, paying attention to the food.

This really doesn't surprise me, Kantiss seems to like people who keep to themselves, but I want to let her know what I have heard about them so far. "Really? They're something of a joke to the others."

"Why does that not surprise me?" she says, clearly still in a bad mood.

"Johanna nicknamed them Nuts and Volts. I think she's Nuts and he's Volts," I pass along. I will team up with whoever she wants and since she likes them I will try to get to know them as well.

"And I'm so stupid for thinking they might be useful. Because of something Johanna Mason said while she was oiling up her breasts for wrestling," she snaps at me. Yep, still mad about the picking last night.

"Actually I think the nickname's been around for years. And I didn't mean that as an insult. I'm just sharing information," I say, trying to make peace.

"Well, Wiress and Beetee are smart. They invent things. They could tell by sight that a force field had been put up between us and the Gamemakers. And if we have to have allies, I want them," she says, forcefully, throwing the ladle back into the stew, which splatters us with the food.

"What are you so angry about?" I ask, cleaning the front of my shirt off. "Because I teased you on the elevator? I'm sorry. I thought you would just laugh about it," I say.

She shakes her head and replies, "Forget it. It's a lot of things."

She must still be feeling guilty about Darius as well, so I say, "Darius."

"Darius. The Games. Haymitch making us team up with others," she rattles off. We are slowly walking towards the table.

"It can just be you and me, you know," I tell her. I am fine with that.

"I know. But maybe Haymitch is right. Don't tell him I said so, but he usually is, where the Games are concerned," she says. I am surprised to hear her say this, but she is probably right.

"Well, you can have final say about our allies. But right now, I'm leaning toward Chaff and Seeder," I explain. They are the two I feel like I could trust the most.

"I'm okay with Seeder, not Chaff," she says, making a face. "Not yet, anyway." I smile, this is because he kissed her last night.

"Come on and eat with him. I promise, I won't let me kiss you again," I say. She follows me and we sit in between Chaff, who is on my right and Seeder, who is on her left. Lunch is actually nice. The table is full of conversation and all Katniss and I do is sit back, eat and listen. Katniss seems to get a bit more comfortable with the group at large.

After lunch I decide to hit the weight station and I see Katniss doing the edible-insect station with District 8. I love lifting the weights in this station and throwing them across the room, makes me feel like I really have a fighting chance to keep her alive. I do not spend much time at the station because no one joins me and we are supposed to be making friends. I decide to take do the hand to hand combat station with the victors of District 1, Cashmere and Gloss. They are both extremely good fighters and teach me a few things, but I have a feeling we will not be teaming up. They move on to the hammock station and invite Katniss to join them. I keep practicing hand to hand with Johanna and Finnick. It's not long before I am done with all their sexual innuendos and head over to the fire starting station, leaving them to finish their own hand to hand combat. While I am there trying to start a fire with flint, I hear everyone growing quiet. I quickly look up to see what the problem is and see everyone looking toward the archery station. I know it must be Katniss, she has to be the only one to make the room grow quiet like this. This is one of her effects she has no idea about. I walk over and stand with Finnick and Mags, the eighty year old woman from District 4 who volunteered in the place of the hysterical girl.

Katniss is clearly in her element. Having pierced all the immobile statues with deadly accuracy, the trainer has begun to throw fake birds into the air. As I watch her face, I see the scowl disappear and it is replaced by sheer peace. And she is glorious. She takes down bird after bird, multiple at a time, some with one arrow, and I am just in awe. Can I really be falling in love with her again? I find myself watching her targets less and studying her face. I recognize the concentration in her eyes, it is the same look her mother gets while working on her patients. I cannot explain the range of emotions in my mind, envy, I wish I was as talented as her at anything; pride, because I always knew she was amazing and this is just a portion of what I mean, but mainly admiration, knowing she basically taught herself in the woods beyond our district, so her family could survive. Watching her magnificence makes me want to save her even more, no one like that should die in an arena for the entertainment of spoiled people. She takes down five birds in one round and we all hear the thud as each one drops to the ground. Katniss suddenly turns and looks at her audience. Her cheeks flush and she immediately drops her bow to her side, he eyes ranging the faces of us all.

Atala calls time for the day right when her eyes meet mine and everyone thaws out and heads for the elevators. I hang back, going to her side and taking her hand. I know she would not want me to talk about what we all just seen, but I am still amazed. Once we get back into our quarters Katniss and I just hang around waiting for Effie and Haymitch to call us for dinner. Once they arrive Haymitch starts immediately, "So at least half the victors have instructed their mentors to request you as an ally," he begins. I slowly fill my plate while listening. "I know it can't be your sunny personality."

Of course they do, she is amazing at archery. She will make a deadly ally. "They saw her shoot," I offer with a smile, when I realize she wasn't going to say anything. "Actually, I saw her shoot, for real, for the first time." Pride fills my chest. "I'm about to put in a formal request myself."

"You're that good?" Haymitch asks. "So good that Brutus wants you?" His tone takes me for a minute, does he doubt her ability or just trying to get her to answer?

She does answer, with a shrug, "But I don't want Brutus. I want Mags and District 3." I smile again, I knew about District 3, but Mags? Of course she wants the old lady, the one who gave her life for that hysterical looking girl. So in character. Haymitch is thinking along the lines with me because he says, "Of course you do," with a roll of his eyes, "I'll tell everybody you're still making up your mind."

The next few days of training go without much incident, except Katniss actually trying to give everyone a fair chance. She lets the morphlings and I paint her into a field of flowers, something that I loved. Finnick and her trade trident and archery lessons, and she even spends time with Johanna Mason at the knife throwing station. I can tell that getting to know them, possibly even liking some of them, is taking a toll on her, since she knows she will probably have to kill a few of them in the arena. Ideally most of them will kill each other and Katniss and I will be left with a choice few, but still, taking a life is taking a life.

When the final day comes I am actually anxious. I am not sure what I am going to do to impress the judges this year. Last year I just threw around some of the weights, but this year I want them to remember me. I want them to think of what they are doing to people, usually innocent children.

Finally Katniss and I are left alone. I take her hands and ponder what I am going to do in a few minutes.

"Decided what to do for the Gamemakers yet?" I ask her.

"I can't really use them for target practice this year, with the force field up and all," she says, shaking her head. "Maybe make some fish hooks. What about you?"

"Not a clue," I reply. "I keep wishing I could bake a cake or something." That is the only things I am really good at, baking. Such a great quality in this situation.

"Do some more camouflage," she suggests. That's any idea, if there is anything left.

"If the morphlings have left me anything to work with. They've been glued to that station since training started." We are both silent for a while and I am about to ask her a question when she blurts out, "How are we going to kill these people, Peeta?" I am amazed because I was going to ask the same thing just now. I put my head down on our hands and answer honestly, "I don't know."

"I don't want them as allies. Why did Haymitch want us to get to know them? It'll make it so much harder than last time. Except for Rue maybe." Rue, little Rue. "But I guess I never really could've killed her, anyway. She was just too much like Prim," Kantiss says. I look up at her, thinking about the little girl from our last games, remember what she looked like after Katniss covered her in flowers.

"Her death was the most despicable, wasn't it?"

"None of them were very pretty," she says. Yeah, I guess she is right. I hold her hands until my name is called and walk into the Training Room. I finally know what I am going to do.

"Fifteen minutes, Mr. Mallark," I hear one of the Gamemakers remind me. I do not acknowledge them, but go straight to the dyes. The station is a mess, but there is still plenty left for me to use. I gather up a bunch of colors and head to the center of the room. I work fast and steady, so when time is called, I step back from my work and hear a few gasps. Right there I painted a picture of Rue, just like I remember seeing her after Katniss covered her body in flowers. I take a small bow and head out the doors. I want them to realize what they are actually doing to us. I know there will be hell to pay for this, but I think I have made my statement.

I got straight to my room once I am back on our floor. I strip off my training uniform and get into the shower. I try to scrub the colors from my hands, but the dyes have stained my hands, like they hopefully have stained the floor in the training room. I wonder if the Gamemakers will make my days in the arena horrible. I really hope they do not take it out on Katniss as well, since I have vowed to myself to get her home.

Dinner is called and we all sit. Haymitch waits until the soup is served to ask, "All right, so how did your private sessions go?"

Katniss and I look at each other. She must have done something shocking agin this year, because she says, "You first. It must have been really special. I had to wait forty minutes to go in."

I really do not want to admit what I did, not that I regret it, I just think it is going to make everyone upset. "Well, I….I," I stutter. "I did the camouflage thing, like you suggested, Katniss." I stop and look around. I should come clean. "Not exactly camouflage. I mean, I used the dyes."

"To do what?" Portia asks. I do not answer immediately and Kantiss says,

"You painted something, didn't you? A picture?" Did they leave it for her to see? I doubt that.

"Did you see it?" I ask her.

"No. But they'd made a real point of covering it up," she answers.

"Well, that would be standard. They can't let one tribute know what another did," Effie says. "What did you paint, Peeta? Was it a picture of Katniss?"

"Why would he paint a picture of me, Effie?" Katniss asks, annoyed. Why would that thought annoy her?

"To show he's going to do everything he can to defend you. That's what everyone in the Capitol's expecting, anyway. Didn't he volunteer to go with you?" Effie offers. I might as well tell the truth.

"Actually, I painted a picture of Rue. How she looked after Katniss had covered her in flowers," I say quickly. Everyone falls silent, everyone stops eating. Finally Haymitch says, his voice just in check,

"And what exactly were you trying to accomplish?"

"I'm not sure," I answer truthfully. "I just wanted to hold them accountable, if only for a moment. For killing that little girl."

Effie speaks next, her voice shaking as she is about to cry. "This is dreadful. That sort of thinking…..it's forbidden, Peeta. Absolutely. You'll only bring down more trouble on yourself and Katniss." I frown. I do not care what happens to me, but I have to keep her alive.

"I have to agree with Effie on this one," Haymitch says. Everyone else stays quiet, but are very serious. I look down, shame feeling my mind.

"I guess this is a bad time to mention I hung a dummy and painted Seneca Crane's name on it," Katniss says, trying to get the attention away from what I have done. I wonder if she really did that. Knowing Kantiss, she did. Everyone stays quiet for a few moments.

"You…hung….Seneca Crane?" Cinna chokes out.

"Yes. Was showing off my new knot-tying skills, and he somehow ended up at the end of the noose," she says, matter-a-factly.

"Oh, Katniss. How do you even know about that?" Effie asks quietly.

"Is it a secret? President Snow didn't act like it was. In fact, he seemed eager for me to know," she says. Effie gets up, clearly upset and leaves the room. "Now I've upset Effie. I should have lied and said I shot some arrows."

"You'd have thought we planned it," I say, smiling just a bit a Katniss.

"Didn't you?" Portia asks, her eyes closed, trying to make sense of all the information.

"No," Katniss says, looking at me with an appreciative look in her eyes, "Neither of us even knew what we were going to do before we went in."

"And Haymitch?" I say, deciding this is a good time to let him know everything. "We decided we don't want any other allies in the arena."

"Good. Then I won't be responsible for you killing off any of my friends with your stupidity," is his answer.

"That's just what we were thinking," Katniss chimes back to him. Whew, she has been spending too much time with him to be able to get these come backs she has lately. We eat the remainder of our meal in silence and when we are done we go to the sitting room to get our training scores. I see Cinna take Katniss in a hug and tell her something. We all settle down and watch the scores. Of course Gloss, Cashmere, Brutus, Finnick and Enobaria score high. Everyone else is okay or low.

"Have they ever given a zero?" Katniss asks.

"No, but there's a first time for everything," Cinna says.

When they flash our scores we find out he is right. We both get perfect scores. Hunger Games history. It's not like last year when Katniss got an 11, where everyone is surprised and happy. Everyone just sits there, looking at the screen.

"Why did they do that?" Kantiss asks.

"So that the others will have no choice but to target you," Haymitch explains. "Go to bed. I can't stand to look at either of you."

Katniss and I walk to her room and I am just about to tell her goodnight when she surprises me by wrapping her arms around my waist. I love it, so I run my hands up her back and leans my cheek against her head.

"I'm sorry if I made things worse," she says.

"No worse than I did," I answer. "Why did you do it anyway?"

"I don't know. To show them that I'm more than just apiece in their Games?" she says, almost like it's a question. Of course it rings a bell, I said the same thing to her before the last games.

"Me too," I say. "And I'm not saying I'm not going to try. To get you home, I mean. But if I'm perfectly honest about it…," I say, not wanting to say what I really think.

"If you're perfectly honest about it, you think President Snow has probably given them direct orders to make sure we die in the arena anyway," she finishes my thought.

"It's crossed my mind," I admit. "But even if that happens, everyone will know we've gone out fighting, right?"

"Everyone will," she agrees. "So what should we do with our last few days?"

"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you," I tell her. What else did she think I would want to do?

"Come on, then," she says, pulling me into her room.

It is amazing to be sleeping in the same room with Katniss again. I love the feeling of her wrapped in my arms, her head on my chest. My breathing matches hers after a while and I drift off into sleep. When my eyes open I see daylight coming through the windows. Such a nice feeling. Sleeping next to the girl you love and having a goodnights sleep at that. I stay still for a while, just basking in the moment. Katniss begins to stir after a good bit and I smile. She looks up at me and I say, "No nightmares."

"No nightmares," she confirms. "You?" I smile even bigger.

"None. I'd forgotten what areal night's sleep feels like."

I could stay this way forever. Neither of us want to get up and start the day, but tomorrow is the televised interview and today will be coaching from Haymitch and Effie. I wonder what our angle will be this year? We lay in bed until the red headed Avox girl comes in with a note from Effie. Apparently, since we are fresh off our tour, coaching is not needed.

"Really?" I ask, taking the note and reading it for myself. So, Katniss and I are left with a whole day with nothing to do. "Do you know what this means? We'll have the whole day to ourselves."

Katniss looks out the window, somewhat wistfully and says, "It's too bad we can't go somewhere." That gives me an idea. The roof, a perfect get away here.

"Who says we can't?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. She smile and I know she is thinking the same thing I am. We grab a few blankets, order a bunch of food and head off to the roof. We eat, get our fill of the sunlight, I sketch, mainly Katniss, but some of the plants hanging around, Kantiss practices some weaving. We even start game by throwing things into the force field and trying to catch it. This is the kind of life I wish we could have forever.

Noone comes up looking for us and late in the afternoon I sit playing with Katniss's hair as she lays with her head in my lap. I wish this moment could last forever. The feeling is so strong that my hands freeze in her hair and she asks, "What?" I wonder if telling her the truth would make her uncomfortable, but I cannot help myself.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever."

"Okay," she says, surprising me. Really? She would want that? I smile and ask, "Then you'll allow it?"

"I'll allow it," she confirms. I begin playing with her hair and realize that she has, in her own way and finally, confirmed that she has a small amount of feeling for me as well. Why else would she let me freeze this moment and live in it with me?

Katniss dozes off, and I stay still so she will not wake up, but once the sun starts to set, I rouse her. The sky is an amazing mix of yellow, pink and, my favorite, orange. "I didn't think you'd want to miss it," I murmur to her.

She gives me a smile and says, "Thanks." We both know that at least one of our sunsets are limited, so we sit back and watch the whole thing. We do not join the others for dinner and, again, no one comes to find us, so we just stay up on the roof until bedtime and then we slip quietly into Katniss's room to sleep. We see no one and hear nothing from anyone, so we just get ready for bed and settle in for, what we hope is, another good nights sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning we are woke up by Katniss's prep team. Their eyes are wide and one, Octiavia, I believe, bursts into tears at the sight of us together. "You remember what Cinna told us," Venia says and Octiavia nods and quickly leaves the room. I kiss Katniss of the forehead and head out the door, knowing my own prep team will be waiting to get me ready as well. I go to my room, expecting to see the team waiting for me, but only Haymitch is there, sitting on my bed, looking pretty sober.

"I am very surprised at you, Peeta," he says. I close the door.

"Why's that, Haymitch?"

"Because you had me believing that you will do anything to keep Katniss alive and get her back home," he says, seriously.

"That's exactly what I intend on doing," I answer, wondering where on earth he is going with this.

"Well, then tell me, why would you try to make things harder for you both? Why would you paint that picture in the Training Room?"

"I didn't think it would make things harder for Katniss. I also didn't expect her to hang Seneca Crane, either," I add. "But I don't think President Snow has any plans for Katniss or myself to get out alive this time. I expect he has made a few demands when it comes to the outcome of this year's Games."

"You worked that one out, did you?" Haymitch asks, mockingly.

"Yeah. I'm pretty good at figuring these things out. You see, I have had a lot of eye opening experiences in the past year. Made me pay better attention," I say. Haymitch just huffs.

"Well, boy. You two are making my job a whole lot harder. Not saying you won't have sponsors, I'm sure you will, but I still might have to convince people toward the end," he tells me, getting up and looking me in the eye. "Have you thought about how you are going to shock them this year?"

"I will try harder to make it easier on you. And I have a few ideas, don't worry, my interview will be flawless," I promise.

"You better hope so," he says, walking out.

I just stand there, going through my ideas for tonight. I have to shock the people of Panem, especially the people of the Capitol. Right when I think I might have the right idea of how things should go, I get a knock on my door.

"Come in," I say. It's Effie, looking perfect, as always, but you can tell he is trying to hold the tears in.

"I have something for you, Peeta," She says, handing me a black velvet box. I open it and see a golden circle with Katniss's mockingjay. It is beautiful. You cannot even tell it is a locket until you pop it open. I look at the pictures, one side is Prim and her mother, laughing and the other is a rare picture of Gale smiling. I am not sure how Effie did this, but it is perfect. I look up at her, she is waiting for my reaction. I jump off my bed and wrap her in a tight hug.

"This is perfect, Effie. Exactly what I need," I say to her, while still hugging her.

"I am so glad you like it. I am still confused as to why you wanted those pictures, but, then again, you know Katniss better than anyone," she says, her voice cracking. I let her go and she edges away from me.

"Excuse me, Peeta," she says, before bursting into tears and rushing out of the door. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for her, and confusing. I imagine a whole lot of people are super confused over these games and what it means for future victors.

My prep team comes in right after, so I prepare myself for their weeping as they prepare me. I try my best to ignore the sniffles I hear around me, but instead I find myself trying to think of a way to help them. My words get lost in my head, though. Normally I am wonderful with words, but I am just not sure how to make my little prep team feel any better. Finally, Portia arrives and is about to send them out. I cannot let them leave without saying something.

"Wait," I say, catching Caesar by the hand. I motion for Barb and Ginger to join us, taking their hands as well. "I just wanted to let you know that I truly appreciate everything you have done for me in the past year. You have kept me looking wonderful and I know that if I had any other team, I would not have look half as good as I did and do." I look each of them in their teary eyes and say earnestly, "Really, thank you." I pull them each into a hug.

"It has been our honor," Caesar says. They all give me a small smile, touch my face and leave me alone with Portia. I hear them all begin really weeping on the other side of the door. Slowly, I look at Portia, hoping she is not going to cry as well.

"Don't worry, Peeta. I am very good at hiding my emotions until I am in private," she says, smiling sadly at me.

"Thank you, Portia. I really mean that. Without you and Cinna, Katniss and I would have never made it this far." She raises her eyebrows.

"I doubt that. I know Katniss doesn't know the effect she has on people, but does that apply to you as well?" she asks. I think she is teasing me. I have no effect on anyone, I cannot even make a girl fall in love with me by throwing everything I have at her, so I just smile and slightly shake my head. She sighs and shakes her head as well.

"Well, then. Shall we get started?" She claps her hands together and gets the garment bag that contains my interview outfit. Last year it was black with flames, I wonder what it will be this year. She unzips the bag and I see nothing but white.

"Really?" I say. It is something I have seen grooms in the Capitol wear. Will Katniss be in a wedding dress?

"Not our idea. Cinna and I tried to change it, but the order came from President Snow himself," she says.

"Well, I guess we cannot keep the Capitol from seeing us the way it was going to be, then, huh?" I stroke the material and sigh. What I would give to be putting this one to marry her. Well, that is never going to happen, so I take a breath and nod to Portia. We pull on all the pieces, which includes white gloves and Portia stands back to admire the work.

"What do you think?" I ask, holding my hands out and twirling around.

"Well, at least you look good," is all the response I get. I laugh, one sad, little laugh. "It's about that time." I nod and we walk from the room. We meet Haymitch and Effie at the elevator. A few minutes later Cinna comes to join us, followed by Katniss.

I knew she was going to be wearing a wedding dress, but I it did not cross my mind at how beautiful she would look. Her skin looks like roses and cream, the dress is tight at the waist and has neckline that almost goes to her waist. I want to cry at the sight of her. Anger rages inside of me at the people responsible for letting her go back into the arena, my resolve of getting her out alive flairs up and I suddenly know how to shock the crowd tonight.

When new reach the area where we are to wait, we see we are the last to arrive. Everyone stops talking and turns to look at us. Of course, we are shocking everyone again.

"I can't believe Cinna put you in that thing," Finnick finally says to Katniss.

"He didn't have any choice. President Snow made him," she says defending Cinna.

"Well, you look ridiculous!" Cashmere snaps. I am about to say something to her, but I hold my tongue, I am sure we can settle our differences in the arena. She grabs her brother's hand and pulls him up front to begin our line. The others pass us to line up as well, looking angry, but I am guessing because of the Games because we get a few encouraging pats on the shoulder. I am surprised when Johanna Mason stops to fix Katniss's necklace.

"Make him pay for it, okay?" she says. Katniss nods, looking a bit confused, and the interviews begin. Johanna's words seem to click into place as we listen to the interviews. Some of them are too far gone from drugs or alcohol to make much since and others, mainly Enobaria and Brutus are just itching to get back into the fight. But the rest of them are mad, more than mad really. Cashmere begins the show with a heart stopping speech about how she is crying each time she thinks of how hard these Games must be for the people of the Capitol. Gloss tells a story of how kind the Capitol people have been to him and his sister. Beetee, fidgety as always, questions if any experts have look into if these Games are even legal according to the terms set back all those years ago. Finnick makes some women faint by retelling a poem that he wrote for his one, true love. Johanna questions if anything can be done to the situation, since the bond between the Capitol and its victors runs so deep.

"How dare they break that bond for us!" she yells to the already overly emotional crowd, who yell back in agreement. Caesar can barely get them under control for the rest of the interviews.

Seeder is quiet, but tells Caesar that in their District, 11, they assume that President Snow is all powerful and can surely change the Quell. Chaff, who is a bit more straight forward, says, "President Snow can change the Quell. He just must not think the situation matters much to anyone." The crowd obviously disagrees. You can tell that they care so much. Most of them are in tears and almost beside themselves by the time it is Katniss's turn. Seeing her in that dress sends the crowd over the edge. It is almost a full blown riot and Katniss has not even gotten a chance to speak. Finally Caesar gets to begin the interview.

"So, Katniss, obviously this is a very emotional night for everyone. Is there anything you'd like to say?"

Her voice is shaky, but she says, "Only that I'm so sorry you won't get to be at my wedding…but I'm glad you at least get to see me in my dress. Isn't it just…the most beautiful thing?" She steps away and begins to twirl. Suddenly flames start licking up her dress, burning it away. I am about to run on stage to put out the fire, when it stops. Her white dress is gone, but Katniss is not standing there naked with blistering skin, like you would have thought. She is standing there in a black dress, her long sleeves replaced with what looks like wings, with white patches, making her into a living mockingjay. I am amazed at the transformation, as is everyone. Caesar touches her head dress and says, "Feathers. You're like a bird."

"A mockingjay, I think. It's the bird on the pin I wear as a token," Katniss explains. I reach up and play with the locket I have hidden under my clothes. Caesar has an odd look on his face, like this means much more than a little token, but says,

"Well, hats off to your stylist. I don't think anyone can argue that that's not the most spectacular thing we've ever seen in an interview. Cinna, I think you better bow!" I do not look to see if he does, but I am sure he does. I am still worried about the look on Caesar's face when Katniss confirmed she was a mockingjay. The crowd, who has been silent since the transformation, goes crazy. I barely hear the buzzer that signals the end of Katniss's interview time. Katniss takes her seat and I walk onto stage. It just occurred to me that I should have gone over this with her beforehand. Oh, well, it won't be the first time I surprise her.

I shake Caesar's hand and the crowd goes quiet. There's no beating around the bush. Caesar gets right to the heart of things, right where I want to be.

"So, Peeta, what was it like when, after all you've been through, you found out about the Quell?"

I tell the truth. "I was in shock. I mean, one minute I'm seeing Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next….."

"You realized there was never going to be a wedding?" Caesar asks. I pause, drawing out the moment, looking out at the audience, down and back to the eyes of Caesar.

"Caesar, do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?" I ask. The crowd laughs, everyone in Panem is watching this broadcast.

"I feel quite certain of it," Caesar says, playing along.

"We're already married," I say, shocking the crowd. I see, out of the corner of my eye, Katniss hide her face in her dress.

"But….how can that be?" Caesar stammers.

"Oh, it's not an official marriage. We didn't go to the Justice Building or anything. But we have this marriage ritual in District 12. I don't know what it's like in the other districts. But there's this thing we do," I begin. "We start by building a fire, the first fire you build together. Then you toast some bread and share it. Really simple, but it means everything to our district."

"Were your families there?" Caesar asks.

"No, we didn't tell anyone. Not even Haymitch. And Katniss's mother would never have approved. But you see, we knew if we were married in the Capitol, there wouldn't be a toasting. And neither of us really wanted to wait any longer. So one day, we just did it," I explain. "And to us, we're more married than any piece of paper or big party could make us." The audience is pretty much silent, but I have more.

"So this was before the Quell?"

"Of course before the Quell. I'm sure we'd never have done it after we knew," I say, letting myself get upset. All the emotions of losing her, the ones I have been suppressing since the day after the reading of the card, starts to surface. "But who could've seen it coming? No one. We went through the Games, we were victors, everyone seemed so thrilled to see us together, and then out of nowhere…..I mean, how could we anticipate a thing like that?"

Caesar throws his arm around my shoulder, "You couldn't, Peeta. As you say, no one could've. But I have to confess, I'm glad you two had at least a few months of happiness together." The crowd gives a big applause and I see that Katniss is finally looking up from her hiding place. She has a small, sad smile on her face, tears in her eyes. Well, here we go.

"I'm not glad," I say, calming everyone down quickly. "I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially. Caesar seems shocked at my words. "Surely even a brief time is better than no time?"

I nod a little and say, "Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar. If it weren't for the baby." Everyone is shocked. No one speaks for a few seconds, a few people whisper the word to confirm what they have heard, and then the shrieking begins, the calls for help, for justice. I see Katniss is in shock as well. I hear the buzzer sound, I nod to Caesar and walk to my seat. He is speaking, but no one can hear him over the sound of the crowd. We finally hear the anthem and Katniss stands, I reach out for Katniss, letting tears fall freely fall down my face. I haven't let my emotions take me since that night I saw a drunk Katniss fall into Gale's arms, and now I will not let them stop while we are on camera. Katniss reaches for Chaff and she holds his stump as he offers his hand to Seeder and so on, until we are all holding hands. There. Everyone in Panem sees us, twenty-four victors, standing as a unit, a defiance in the mouth of the Capitol.

The lights go out and I hold steady to Katniss's hand, leading her to the elevator. We are the first ones on and I see Johanna and Finnick trying to get through to us. I do not try to hold it for them, I need to talk to Katniss. Once the doors close and we are going upwards I take her by the shoulders and look into her eyes. "There isn't much time, so tell me. Is there anything I have to apologize for?"

"Nothing," she says. I sigh in relief and take her into my arms. We wait around the elevator for everyone else, but only Haymitch shows up.

"It's madness out there. Everyone's been sent home and they've canceled the recap of the interviews on television," he explains.

We go to the window and see chaos the streets below.

"What are they saying? Are they asking the president to stop the Games?" I ask.

"I don't think they know themselves what to ask. The whole situation is unprecedented. Even the idea of opposing the Capitol's agenda is a source of confusion for the people here. But there's no way Snow would cancel the Games. You know that, right?" Haymitch asks us. I nod and I ca see that Katniss knows this too.

"The others went home?" She asks.

"They were ordered to. I don't know how much luck they're having getting through the mob."

"Then we'll never see Effie again," I say. I am really glad we had a few minutes this morning. "You'll give her our thanks."

"More than that. Really make it special. It's Effie, after all. Tell her how appreciative we are and how she was the best escort ever and tell her…..tell her we send our love," Katniss says, looking upset. Next is us telling Haymitch goodbye. We didn't see him the morning of the Games last year either. We stand in uncomfortable silence and finally Haymitch says, "I guess this is where we say our goodbyes as well."

"Any last words of advice?" I ask.

"Stay alive," he says. We both smirk. He each get a small embrace from him and he says, "Go to bed. You need your rest." I feel like my heart will break, but I suck it up because I know Katniss is finally letting the goodbyes get to her.

"You take care, Haymitch," I say. We cross the room and start towards our rooms, when we hear Haymitch say, "Katniss, when you're in the arena," we pause and look at him. His scowl is back and it makes Katniss defensive. "What?"

"You just remember who the enemy is. That's all. Now go on. Get out of here."

We walk down the hall and I stop at my room.

"I will be right there. I just want to get all this makeup off." She shakes her head and will not let go of my hand.

"I have a shower in my room," she says, pulling on my hand a bit. I give in and go to her room with her. I wait patiently while she showers and then I take my turn. I take a bit longer than I mean to, but I have to pull myself together before I climb into bed with her.

Once I am done I crawl into bed with her. And we just spend the entire night holding each other, not sleeping, not moving, not talking, each of us hoping the other will be able to get a few minutes of sleep.

It seems like moments later that the sun begins to streak in the sky. Another few seconds later Cinna and Portia come in to begin getting us ready. I do not want to leave Katniss, even for a few minutes today, but we have to enter the arena alone. I give her a quick kiss and say, "See you soon."

"See you soon," she says back.

I walk to the roof with Portia and get frozen into place while I get pulled into the hovercraft and the tracker injected into my arm. Portia follows just a few minutes later. I eat a few pieces of bread and drink a lot of water, but that is about all I do. I know it will probably be harder to find water than anything in the arena, so I make sure I am extremely hydrated.

When we get into the Launch Room, I decline the shower, since I took one last night and begin getting dressed. The undergarments are much like last years, very simple and light. This year, though, the outfit is a tight jumpsuit, kind of sheer, a zipper up the front and a padded belt covered in a kind of purple plastic. The only thing I notice about the shoes are that they have rubber on the bottom. I stretch and move around making sure I have a full range of movement. It seems that I do. I tuck the necklace from Effie under my shirt.

"What do you think, Portia?" I ask.

"It's not much in the way of protection from wind or cold or even water. It must have some kind of sun." I nod, knowing that it really does not matter where we are, it just matters what I have to do.

The voice tells me it is time to get into the tube and I give Portia a hug.

"Thank you. For everything. And please tell Cinna thank you too," I say quickly.

"I will. Stay safe, Peeta. It has been an honor to know and work with you," she says, kissing me lightly on my cheek. I nod and get inside the tube. I close my eyes as I begin to rise and take a breath. I open my eyes, straighten my stance and wait for the impact of what is in store for us this time.

I look around and see water. The sky is a light pink, sun that is shining in the sky is white. I see one tribute to my left, beyond them there is a strip of something jetting out from an island that holds the Cornucopia. To my right is another strip, along with another tribute on the other side. I hear Claudius Templesmith says, "Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fifth Hunger Games begin!"

What am I going to do? I have never swam, there's no place to learn in the dusty confines of District 12. I look at the tributes I do see, which is only about half and I cannot see Katniss at all. The gong sounds and I am still trying to figure out what to do next. Do I risk getting into the water? I'm not sure I even know how to float. Plus, knowing the Capitol, there's probably some crazy mutations down there just waiting to rip us apart. I reach down and touch the water. I really am not sure what to do. I have to find Katniss and we have to get a plan. I am beginning to get angry. Is she still trapped on the plate like I am? I feel like a sitting duck out here. I finally see Katniss across from me, followed by Finnick. Is he already going after her? No, as I watch he puts his hand on her shoulder and then pats her belly, dropping all his weapons on the ground. What is going on? Allies, I guess? It must have been Haymitch. Katniss raises her bow as he makes a neat dive and swims toward me. He pops up under next to my plate and says, "I guess you don't have a big bathtub, like Katniss, do you?" I shake my head at him and spot Haymitch's golden flame band on his wrist.

"Unfortunately not," I say, knowing that this is not a request from Haymitch, but an order. I slid into the water and am surprised that I do not drop right under. Finnick pulls one of my arms across his chest and starts toward Katniss. Even with him towing me back, his strokes are strong and we get there very fast. When we reach the land, Katniss is there to help pull me out of the water.

"Hello, again," I say, kissing her. "We've got allies."

"Yes. Just as Haymitch intended."

"Remind me, did we make deals with anyone else?" I ask. Katniss nods toward the water and I see gray hair bobbing toward us.

"Only Mags, I think," she answers.

"Well, I can't leave Mags behind," Finnick says. "She's one of the few people who actually likes me."

"I've got no problem with Mags. Especially now that I see the arena. Her fishhooks are probably our best chance of getting a meal," Katniss says.

"Katniss wanted her on the first day," I say.

"Katniss has remarkably good judgment," Finnick says, scooping Mags out of the water. Mags says something, but I just cannot catch a word and pats her belt.

"Look, she's right. Someone figured it out," Finnick says, pointing toward Beetee, who is floating on the water, trying to make it somewhere.

"What?" Katniss asks, before I can.

"The belts. They're flotation devices," he explains. "I mean, you have t propel yourself, but they'll keep you from drowning." That's good to know for later. Katniss hands me a sheath of arrows, a bow and a knife. She hands Mags an awl and Mags reaches up to Finnick. He slings a net over his shoulder, puts Mags on top of it and grabs his trident with his free hand. With that we are running away from the Cornucopia, up into a jungle.


	14. Chapter 14

I take point and begin hacking our way through the jungle. Finnick follows me, with Mags on his back and Katniss brings up the rear, her bow at the ready, listening for any sound of pursuit. We walk, uphill the entire way, but no one seems to be following. We come across no sign of water and in minutes we are all hot and sticky. After hacking for about mile Finnick calls for a stop. I think that he could keep going, but Mags looks like she needs a rest. Katniss decides to climb one of the trees to see if she can get a look at what is going on at the Cornucopia. I wonder how many people have already been killed.

I am still reeling from the fact that Haymitch is making us have allies, but where would we be if he hadn't? Probably stuck around the Cornucopia, maybe even dead. I slightly shake my head and look around at Mags. She is sitting on the ground looking around, maybe trying to gather her baring's as well. Finnick is leaning next to a tree, playing with one of his tridents, almost lazily, like the situation is not bothering him. As I watch him, he looks up toward where Katniss disappeared and seems to be trying to decide something. Maybe if he is going to kill us when she gets back down. Wouldn't it be easier if he killed me now? Or maybe he doesn't look at me as the kind of threat Katniss is. As we hear Katniss get closer to the ground I see him raise his trident, almost defensively. She lands lightly close to him and I see on her face that she is trying to decide if she should just go ahead and kill him.

"What's going on down there, Katniss?" he asks. "Have they all joined hands? Taken a vow of nonviolence? Tossed the weapons in the sea in defiance of the Capitol?"

"No," she answers. Of course not. These are still the Hunger Games and there will still be one victor.

"No," Finnick echoes. "Because whatever happened in the past is in the past. And no one in this arena was a victor by chance." He turns and looks at me for a moment. "Except maybe Peeta." Yes. I am a victor because of Katniss and the berries. If she hadn't found me in the last games I would have died from Cato's wound. Everyone knows that.

I see Katniss and Finnick sizing each other up. How quickly the trident can leave his hand against how quickly she can release a bow. It's probably a draw, they would both probably just end up killing the other, leaving me and Mags with what's left. This is not the way I am going to get Katniss out of here alive. I cannot stand by and watch them kill each other. I quickly walk forward and stand right in between them.

"So how many are dead?" I ask Katniss, ignoring the look she is giving me, clearly telling me to move.

"Hard to say. At least six, I think. And they're still fighting," she answers.

"Let's keep moving. We need water," I say quickly. I am getting more and more parched by the second.

"Better find some soon. We need to be undercover when the others come hunting us tonight," Finnick says and he relaxes his pose. Katniss does the same, but I know she will not let it go on very long. Finnick gets Mags and she perches on his back and we continue on. Katniss is the back, bow at the ready, Finnick with his human backpack and me at the front, slashing our way through the foliage.

Another mile up and there seems to be an end to the tree line. Katniss sees this as a good sign and I hear her say, "Maybe we'll have better luck on the other side. Find a spring or something." I continue on, panting from the heat and lack of water. I take my hand and slash my knife down through some vines. The last thing I register is hearing a kind of zipping sound.

I feel like I am floating. I cannot make sense of what is going on, where I am or where I am supposed to be. Peace fills everything in me, but it feels wrong. I want to stay, but I know am forgetting something, something extremely important. The peacefully feeling tries to overtake me, but I know I am leaving something behind. Someone behind. Someone I have to save, how can I save her if I selfishly stay here in the peace? Her. I vowed to save her. Who? Katniss. Her name is my driving force, I have to go back. I fight against the peace and can almost hear her beautiful voice.

"Peeta?" she says, her voice raw. What's wrong? What happened? Then I remember the zipping sound. I open my eyes and find her face, covered in tears, inches from mine. I find her eyes and say, "Careful. There's a force field ahead." She laughs, tears still running freely. "Must be a lot stronger than the one on the Training Center roof. I'm all right, though. Just a little shaken." Seriously, why is she so upset? So I get knocked out from a zap. I'm still here, we're still here. I even see Finnick, sweating and panting, sitting a few yards behind us and Mags a bit further back.

"You were dead! Your heart stopped!" she yells at me. What? I was dead? But, how am I here now? Before I can register much more I hear Katniss sobbing, making small choking sounds.

"Well, it seems to be working now. It's alright, Katniss," I say, trying to sound reassuring. She is still sobbing. "Katniss?"

"It's okay. It's just her hormones. From the baby," Finnick says.

"No, it's not…." Katniss begins, but the sobbing takes over and she cannot finish. She is shooting daggers at Finnick and I end up being even more confused? Which one do I owe this time? Did Katniss bring me back from the dead again, or was it Finnick? Does that explain why she is looking at him this way? Finnick seems to be confused about something, looking between me and Katniss. He shakes his head and looks over at me,

"How are you? Do you think you can move on?"

"No, he has to rest," Katniss says before I can talk. I really haven't registered how I feel yet. Mags hands Katniss a piece of moss to blow her nose and I take a quick assessment. I can feel everything, which is good. I feel like I have been running all day, but it's not unbearable. I catch Katniss look down at my chest. I follow her eyes and see that my locket has made an appearance. She reaches out and takes it in her hand. "Is this you token?" she asks, voice still weak from the pass few moments.

"Yes. Do you mind that I used your mockingjay? I wanted us to match," I answer.

She smiles, a forced smile, but answers, "No, of course I don't mind."

"So you want to make camp here, then?" Finnick asks.

I shake my head. "I don't think that's an option. Staying here. With no water. No protection. I feel all right, really. If we could just go slowly."

"Slowly would be better than not at all," Finnick says, carefully helping me to my feet. Katniss is checking over her weapons and says,

"I'll take the lead." I don't think this is a good idea. I begin to say so, but Finnick cuts me off,

"No, let her do it. You knew that force field was there, didn't you? Right at the last second? You started to give a warning." Katniss nods, looking a bit reluctant. "How did you know?" She pauses for just a second, just enough for me to know that her next words are not true.

"I don't know. It's almost as if I could hear it. Listen." What is she doing?

"I don't hear anything," I say.

"Yes. It's like when the fence around District 12 is on, only much, much quieter," she insists. I listen, but I know she is putting on. I might as well play along. "There! Can't you hear it? It's coming from right where Peeta got shocked."

"I don't hear it, either. But if you do, by all means, take the lead," Finnick says. Katniss pulls a puzzled look and begins moving her head from side to side. "That's weird. I can only hear it out of my left ear." Good save, Katniss!

"The one the doctors reconstructed?" I ask.

"Yeah," Katniss says, shrugging. "Maybe they did a better job than they thought. You know, sometimes I do hear funny things on that side. Things you wouldn't ordinarily think have a sound. Like insect wings. Or snow hitting the ground." Pretty nice cover. Mags, who has been silently watch us the whole time, nudges Katniss forward and says, "You."

So, on we go. The only difference is that since we are going slowly, Mags prefers to walk with a cane Finnick made out of a helpful branch. He hands me something that looks like a staff to walk with. I am very grateful for it too, since I really would rather just lay down and sleep. But I know we have to move on. We have to find water and a better place for cover before nightfall. Finnick takes the end and we trudge on. We walk with the force field to our left, Katniss throwing nuts randomly to make for sure we are still going against it and no one walks into it again.

Mags begins shelling some of the nuts and popping them into her mouth. She must be either really hungry or has encountered them before. Katniss takes notice too and turns just as Mags pops another one into her mouth.

"Mags! Spit that put. It could be poisonous," she says. Mags ignores her and licks her lips. Katniss looks at Finnick for some kind of help, but he just laughs a bit and says, "I guess we'll find out."

We keep walking and I cannot keep but thinking about what our next move will be. When I am a bit stronger, will we go looking for the Career group? Will we hide and try to let them take themselves out. I am mostly worried about water. Why haven't we found any by now? Surely the Gamemakers wouldn't just leave out fresh water. It will not make for good Games for us all to die of dehydration. I know it is because of the shock and my apparent death earlier, but I feel like I can already feel the effects of being dehydrated. I feel so weak, but I will not stop us. There must be a break in this force field some place.

After what seems like hours, Katniss stops. She takes one look at Mags, who is still limping along and then at my face, which is covered in sweat.

"Let's take a break. I need to get another look from above," she says. I know this must be an excuse for us to stop for a bit. I am not sure she will be able to tell anything more from looking over the trees. I watch as she climbs up the tree and then I look around at our allies. Mags is still popping nuts and Finnick is propped up against a tree and looking around us. I am still puzzled at why Haymitch has set us up with allies. I am sure that Finnick is a great guy and probably a great friend, but we are just going to have to kill him. There are so many things that do not make any sense, like, if my hunch is right, and Finnick is the one who revived me, why would he have done that? Why didn't he just let me die? It's not like he killed me and it would have been one less victor to take out. As I am going through all this in my mind, I hear Katniss descending. She hops down and looks at us sadly.

"The force field has us trapped in a circle. A done, really. I don't know how high it goes. There's the Cornucopia, the sea and then the jungle all around. Very exact. Very symmetrical. And not very large," she says.

"Did you see any water?" Finnick asks, right when I am about to.

"Only the saltwater where we started the Games," she answers.

"There must be some other source. Or we'll all be dead in a matter of days," I say, frowning and repeating what I was thinking earlier.

"Well, the foliage is thick. Maybe there are ponds or springs somewhere," Katniss says, doubtfully. "At any rate, there's no point in trying to find out what's over the edge of this hill, because the answer is nothing."

"There must be drinkable water between the force field and the wheel," I say. This means we will have to head back down toward the Cornucopia, toward the Careers.

After the break we decided to head down a little ways, only about a hundred yards or so and continue in the circle. Katniss takes lead again and still throws the little nuts every once and awhile. We never encounter anyone or the force field. We walk until it is about half way into the afternoon and I know that I will not be able to go on much longer. I look back at Mags and know the she is feeling the same way.

Finnick finally chooses a campsite, taking us back up toward the force field.

"That way," he explains, "We can use it as a weapon if need be." Finnick and Mags begin weaving mats with the tall grass and I gather some of the nuts that Mags has been chomping on all day. I throw them into the force field, frying them and pull the shells off. Katniss stands guard, but is fidgety, almost jumpy. I want to tell her to sit down and rest, but I know that she will just argue with me.

"Finnick, why don't you stand guard and I'll hunt around for more water," she finally says.

"I don't think going off on your own is such a great idea," I say, quickly. I really do not think we should be separated.

"Don't worry. I won't go far," she says, reassuringly.

"I'll go, too," I say, getting up.

She shakes her head and says, "No, I'm going to do some hunting if I can." Aha. Of course she is. We need something other than nuts to eat tonight and I walk too hard. "I won't be long." She walks off into the trees. I watch the spot where she disappeared for a while and then go back to toasting nuts.

Just a few minutes later the sound of the cannon goes off. Finally the initial fight is over. Eight shots in all. I cannot help but wonder which ones they are. The morphlings? Beetee and Wiress? Johanna? Probably not any of the Careers. I keep myself busy while we wait for Katniss to return, but really I am getting more and more worried by each passing second. We never hear any other cannons, so I know she is ok, but what if she fell? Not likely. What if she is being tortured? She said she wouldn't go far, so I am sure we would be able to hear her scream. Maybe she just found some water and is trying to bring some back to us. While she is gone Finnick and Mags make a neat make-shift hut out of woven mats and Mags even makes some bowls, a few which I fill with the nuts.

Finally Katniss comes back, some sort of rodent already skinned and gutted in her hand. I look at her hopefully, but she shakes her head, "No. No water. It's out there, though. He knew where it was." She holds the rodent up. "He'd been drinking recently when I shot him out of the tree, but I couldn't find his source. I swear, I covered every inch of ground in a thirty-yard radius."

"Can we eat him?" I ask.

"I don't know for sure. But his meat doesn't look that different from a squirrel's. He ought to be cooked…," she says. I am not sure we should start a fire, even if we could get one going here. But I have an idea. I have Katniss had me a chunk of the meat, put it on a stick and throw it into the force field. It flicks back to us, Katniss determines that even though the outside is scorched, the inside is cooked well. They all give me a round of applause, but they stop quickly because we really do not want to be ambushed right now.

We all gather in the hut as the sun begins to set. Katniss is not sure about the nuts Mags has been eating all day, but hunger gets the best of her and she finally tries them.

"So, Katniss, what would you call this little guy?" Finnick asks, holding up a scorched piece of meat.

"I don't know. He really didn't look like anything I have ever seen before. He kind of looked like a rat."

"A tree rat, then," Finnick says. "Since you found him in a tree. What was he doing before you shot him?"

"Just sniffing around. I didn't watch him very long," she answers.

"About how high up, do you think he was?" I wonder why he is so worried about it, just for new information. But I don't say anything, just listen to them discuss the little tree rat.

"Not far from the ground, actually. I mainly shot him to get a closer look," she explains.

Finnick lets the conversation go after that. As it grows dark, I take Katniss by the hand. We all look toward the sky because we know they will be showing today's dead very soon. When the Capitol's symbol and anthem begins I think about looking away. I have gotten along with most of these people and I do not want to see which ones have died. I know that they all have to die for me to achieve, my goal, but still, it's not going to be a comfortable viewing.

The male victor from District 5 comes up first, so that means all the Careers, Beetee and Wiress, have survived. The male victor from District 6 is next. I feel really bad about this one because we spend a good amount of time painting in the training room. He had a great eye for mixing colors. Both the victors from eight are dead, which means Cecelia, who has three children at home, both from nine, the female from 10 and Seeder.

We all sit in silence, all thinking of our own worries, when a silver parachute sails down. No one reaches for it and finally Katniss asks, "Whose it is, do you think?"

"No telling. Why don't we let Peeta claim it, since he died today?" Finnick says. I do not object, I just untie the cord and flatten out the cloth. There, in the center is a metal object.

"What is it?" Katniss asks. We all pass it back and forth, but we have no idea. It's a hollow tube, tapered slightly on one end and it curves down and the other end. I blow on one end to see if it makes a whistle sound, but nothing. Finnick tries it out as a weapon on his pinkie, but that's not it either. Katniss asks Mags if she could fish with it, who, I am sure, could fish with anything, but she just shakes her head. It has to be valuable, or we wouldn't have gotten it. Katniss is rolling it back and forth between her hands, trying to work out what it could be. I can see frustration etching itself on her face more and more while she looks at it. Finally she jams it in the ground and growls, "I give up. Maybe if we hook up with Beetee or Wiress they can figure it out."

She processed to stretch out on one of the mats and I begin to rub the spot between her shoulders that she seems to hold her tension. I feel her begin to relax under my touch and know that at least for this moment I can make things better for her. I have to figure out a way to get her to change her mind about who should go home. I also have to figure out how I am going to be able to kill everyone else, including myself, so I can do that.

Suddenly Katniss jumps up and says, "A spile!"

"What?" Finnick asks, clearly thinking of other things as well. She grabs the metal tube from the ground and cleans it out.

"It's a spile. Sort of like a faucet. You put it in a tree and sap comes out. Well, the right sort of tree." She is looking around at the trees.

"Sap?" Finnick asks. His is clearly out of his realm of knowledge. Of course. Didn't we buy sap to make syrup back home?

"To make syrup. But there must be something else inside these trees," I say, looking around as well. We all jump up at once, I imagine it probably looked comical on TV, but we are all so thirsty. Finnick grabs the spile and looks like he is going to hammer it into the nearest tree, but Katniss stops him.

"Wait. You might damage it. We need to drill a hole first." She must have done this in the woods with her father or Gale. Of course, we have no drill so Mags offers her awl. I stab it into the nearest tree. Finnick and I take turns working with the awl and knives to make the hole big enough to hold the spile. Katniss puts it carefully in the hole and we stand back.

Nothing happened for a few minutes, but then a single drop of water rolls down the lip and right into Mags hand. She licks it off and hands her hands out for more. Katniss wiggles and adjusts it until we receive a thin stream coming out of the tree. Thank you, Haymitch! We take turns under the water, all getting our mouths wet. Mags brings over a basket she wove earlier and we fill it with water. We pass it around, each taking giant gulps of water, finally, after such a long day, quenching our thirst. After we all get our fill, we begin to take turns splashing water on our faces. We wash away the sweat and dirt from the long day.

It's not until after we are no longer thirsty that we are able to finally realize how tired we are. Katniss pulls the spile out of the tree, puts a striped vine through it and ties it to her belt. Finnick takes first watch and Katniss and I let him. We lay down in the hut and I am soon asleep.

The next think I am aware of is Katniss yelling at us to wake up.

"Run!" she is screaming at us. I jump up, but am very disoriented. "Run!" Finnick and Mags are gone, but I can hear them running close to us. Katniss grabs my arms and pulls me through the trees.

"What it is? What is it?" I ask, not understanding what is going on.

"Some kind of fog. Poisonous gas. Hurry, Peeta!" she yells back at me. I am trying to make my feet go as fast as possible, but I am feeling the effects of my heart stopping earlier, my artificial leg doesn't want to run and I am still groggy from sleep. I trip often, taking Katniss with me a few times. I begin to get frustrated at myself. Why can't I just run? She puts her hand around mine and says quickly, "Watch my feet. Just try to step where I step." We go a bit faster, but the fog is right behind us, enough so that little droplets are burning our skin. I hear Finnick shouting at us, being an invisible guide to us to keep us moving forward. I think we are getting in a good rhythm when my artificial leg takes me down. As I am trying to get up I feel a weird sensation up my left side. I cannot seem to get any kind of control over that side of my face, or that side of my body. I look up at Katniss and I see it on her face that things have gone very badly.

"Peeta….." she looks down at her right arm and begins to try to yank me forward. This just makes me trip again and when I get up again I have no control over my legs. I want to tell her to go on without me, but I cannot make my mouth form words. I feel Finnick pulling me from the other side. Katniss gets me on one side and we try to go forward. Finnick is going very fast and we try to keep up, but he stops.

"It's no good. I'll have to carry him. Can you take Mags?" I hear Finnick ask Katniss. What? Why doesn't he just leave us to die?

"Yes," I hear her say. I know she is strong, but can she really carry another human being through this jungle? Finnick takes me by the arm and we begin through the foliage. I hear what sounds like Katniss falling a few times, but she seems to be doing ok. It's not until Finnick turns that I realize she is in trouble.

"It's no use. Can you take them both? Go on ahead, I'll catch up," she says.

"No," I hear Finnick say. "I can't carry them both. My arms aren't working." I clutch to him and his remaining trident as we all work out what to do. "I'm sorry, Mags. I can't do it," he says, tears in his voice. I feel Mags hands grab Finnick's face and she walks away, toward the fog. He abruptly turns and begins back down the slope. I hear the blast of a cannon and know that Mags has died. Killed herself.

"Finnick?" I faintly hear Katniss ask and I know she is just as confused as I am about what just happened. No one says anything, we just keep on going toward the Cornucopia. Finally I feel Finnick give out under me. We both fall to the ground and Katniss follows soon after. I think we are all about to die, but then I hear Katniss try to say something. She tries again and says, "It's stopped." I turn my head and it does look like the fog as just stopped. As we watch it the fog starts to drift upward, faster, like being sucked up. I am finally able to roll off of Finnick. After a few minutes I look up and see eyes. Two of them. Then I can finally make out shapes. Monkeys, it looks like. I remember once I saw them in a book at school.

I try to tell Katniss, but what comes out sounds more like "Mon-hees." I mouth and tongue is still swollen from the poison. I finally get myself turned over and start crawling down the slope. I just want to get out of this jungle. We reach the beach and I lay in the sand, welcoming it. I look over at Katniss and see she is putting her hand in the water. I look at the water and see a kind of milky white substance leaking out of the places the fog has hit. I strip off my suit and begin to do the same. The pain is almost unbearable at first, but then, when the milky substance comes out there is an amazing pain free sensation. It takes a few minutes, but I am finally able to get most of the control over my limbs. I hear Finnick moaning and I look up to see Katniss taking handfuls of water to him. I hurry to help her.

It is taking so long for us to go back and forth and we are really exposed out here. I quickly cut away his suit so we can get to his wounds better and I look around and unearth two shells that holds a lot more water than we can and the process goes much faster. We get his arms first and Kitniss finally says, "We've got to get more of him into the water." I nod toward his feet and we watch take one and turn him around, pulling him feet first towards the water. We take him in bit by bit, taking a few minutes between each new entry. Finnick comes around after we have everything but his head in the water.

Katniss and I smile as we watch him lift his arms out of the water. "There's just your head left, Finnick," I say. "That's the worst part, but you'll feel much better after, if you can bear it." We help him up and each hold a hand as he goes under the water. He comes up, but still cannot speak.

"I'm going to try to tap a tree," Katniss says.

"Let me make the hole first. You stay with him. You're the healer," I say. I take a knife and start toward a good looking tree. I start digging at the bark. It takes me a while and I just concentrate on the sound of the knife against the wood. Soon I hear, "Peeta. I need your help with something." Katniss is talking in a very calm voice.

"Okay," I answer, but I do not stop. I almost have a good hole made. "I think I've just about got it. Yes, there. Have you got the spile?"

"I do. But we've found something you'd better take a look at. Only move towards us quietly, so you don't startle it," she says. I stop. Startle it? I turn to them. Katniss has her bow at the ready and Finnick has his trident ready to strike as well.

"Okay," I try to say calmly and I begin to move toward them. Suddenly I feel like I am being watched. I do not stop walking toward Katniss and Finnick, but I do glance upwards. I see monkeys. Monkeys everywhere, sliding down branches and heading toward us, teeth bared and claws out. I hear Katniss scream,

"Mutts!"


	15. Chapter 15

Vicious monkeys, orange in color and clearly here to kill us. I pull out my knife and just start hacking. I hear Katniss and Finnick join me. I stab my knife into the orange fur over and over and cannot stop thinking that things will not stop coming at us. One by one, it's something. The Gamemakers are not messing around this time. Katniss, Finnick and I stand with our backs to each other, each fighting tooth and nail to keep these things off of us. I hear Katniss shout at me, "Peeta! Your arrows!" I turn and see that she is completely out of arrows. I didn't even think to use the bow. I rip the sheath off, but not before I am knocked sideways from a direction I was not expecting. I look around and see the female victor from District 6 throwing herself in-between me and an oncoming monkey. I drop the arrows and begin stabbing the monkey that has its teeth sunk into the chest of her. I see it release its jaw and I kick it away. I stand over her, this woman I do not know, who just saved my life, ready to take on more of these horrible creatures.

"Come on, then! Come on!" I shout, the bloodlust for these creatures running through my veins. But the monkeys are retreating away from us.

"Get her. We'll cover you," Katniss tells me. I quickly pick up the victor and head back toward the beach. I carefully lay her in the sand and Katniss cuts away her jumpsuit. The holes in her chest are barely bleeding and I know that the damage is really deep. The way she is breathing I think the fangs must have punctured her lung. There's nothing we can do except stay with her until she dies. Katniss takes her hand and I suddenly know how to keep her mind off her pain.

"I'll watch the trees," Finnick says, walking away. I kneel down next to her head and rub her hair. I begin speaking softly, hoping she will understand what I am telling her, what I am doing for her.

"With my paint box at home, I can make every color imaginable. Pink. As pale as a baby's skin. Or deep as rhubarb. Green like spring grass. Blue that shimmers like ice on water. One time, I spent three days mixing paint until I found the right shade for sunlight on white fur." She looks into my eyes, mesmerized by the words I am telling her. She make swirling motions in the blood that has gathered on her chest. I have to blink away tears and keep my voice even. "You see, I kept thinking it was yellow, but it was much more than that. Layers of all sorts of color. One by one. I haven't figured out a rainbow yet. They come so quickly and leave so soon. I never have enough time to capture them. Just a bit of blue here or purple there. And then they fade away again. Back into the air." She lifts her hand up to my cheek and I feel her draw something. "Thank you. That looks beautiful," I whisper, barely able to speak. Her suddenly grins and makes a small sound, sort of like a mouse. Her hand falls back onto her chest and she takes one last breath. I hear the cannon fire and see the hand that was gripping Katniss's fall down as well. I carry her out to the sea and let her go. I let few tears fall and I walk back to sit next to Katniss. We watch as she floats for a few minutes, then the hovercraft appears and takes her body away.

Finnick shows up just a few seconds later and drops bloody arrows next to us on the sand. "Thought you might want these."

"Thanks," Katniss says. She goes into the water and cleans them and her wounds. I just sit and let myself go numb. When I am finally able to do that I notice that my wounds from the fog is scabbing over and itching like crazy. I turn toward the jungle and bit and begin scratching. As I look the vines seem to move and suddenly the dead monkeys are gone.

"Where did they go?" Katniss asks, walking up behind us.

"We don't know exactly. The vines shifted and they were gone," Finnick answers. We all sit and stare at the jungle for a while. Suddenly Katniss looks over at us and says,

"Don't scratch. You'll only bring infection. Think it's safe to try for the water again?"

We walk back to the tree I was working on and I set to trying again. Katniss and Finnick stay on guard I work. All I can gather, besides the insane itching, is that I am exhausted. I finally get the spile in and am rewarded with a gush of water. We each drink our fill and let water run over our bodies. I mainly let it work on my face since that is where the itching is the worst. We fill a few seashells and go to the beach.

"Why don't you two get some rest? I'll watch for a while," Katniss says.

"No, Katniss, I'd rather," Finnick says. I look at his face and know he needs time to mourn. I do not say anything, but Katniss says, "All right, Finnick, thanks."

Katniss and I lay down next to each other and I am out almost immediately.

I dream I am with Katniss. We are moving through the woods and somehow I know we are the woods beyond our District. Katniss is armed with her bow and arrows, but I feel no fear, so I know we are not running. I look behind us and see Prim and Gale following, both of them smiling. I cannot help but smile back at them. I am not sure where we are going, but I feel happy and I do not question it. We keep walking, not rushing, sometimes laughing at an errand joke that Gale cracks behind us. We reach a meadow and all stretch out in the grass. I take Katniss by the hand and kiss it. Gale and Prim sit close and we all talk about our ideas on starting new and I gather we are finally free from the Capitol's rule. Gale talks about hunting full time to earn money. Katniss nods along eagerly. I talk about taking over the bakery from my father, letting him live the rest of his life in peace, and Prim wants to be a healer, like her mother.

"Peeta," Katniss says, almost singing to me. I turn and look at her, her face shimmering out of sight. "Peeta, wake up."

I open my eyes and suddenly jump hard. Katniss and Finnick both have their faces resting just inches from mine. "Aa!"

Katniss and Finnick find this really funny. Hilarious, it seems. But after my initial shock and embarrassment, I find it very hard to keep a stern look on my face. The sight of me trying not to laugh sends them into fits again. I trick was really funny and I find myself laughing along with them. When we are all finally done laughing, a parachute lands next to us. It is from District 4, you can tell by the green shade that the seaweed gives it. Finnick grabs it and rolls it over and over in his hands. He must be thinking of home or maybe even Mags. Clearly, this bread was sent for him.

"This will go well with the shellfish," Finnick says, laying the loaf on the parachute and going back to pulling the meat out of the shells. While he does that Katniss shows me the medicine that was sent to us. She helps me apply it to my scabs from the fog and they immediately stop itching. I see that Finnick has woven some bowls, a few have the shellfish in it and others have fresh water. We all gather around after Finnick is done with all the little shells and eat a nice meal of fish and bread.

As we are finishing our meal we begin to hear screaming. Right across from where we are sitting we see a huge wave begin crashing down the side of the hill, knocking over trees and everything in its path. The surf rises on our side as well and we quickly gather what we want to save. We hear the cannon and watch as a hovercraft appears and takes a body from that area. Well that makes a total of twelve dead. Twelve of us left. Once the water retreats we go back to our beach and begin to arrange our things. Katniss suddenly freezes and says, "There." We both follow her gaze and see three figures two sections down from us. We all retreat back into the jungle at once and watch the newcomers. It appears that one is badly hurt, being dragged by another and the third seems confused, walking around in small circles. They look like they have all been painted a nasty red color as well.

"Who is that? Or what? Muttations?" I ask, quietly. Katniss readies her bow at my words as the three come closer. One of them collapses in the sand and the one dragging it stomps their feet like a child and pushing the circling one. I look over a Katniss, who has her eyes narrowed at the three, and then at Finnick, whose face suddenly lights up.

"Johanna!" he says, already running for them.

"Finnick!" I hear her say.

Katniss and I look at each other and she asks, "What now?" I would really like to just leave them now, but I know we will survive longer if we are with Finnick.

"We can't really leave Finnick," I say.

"Guess not. Come on then." Katniss heads toward the three and I can tell she in not happy about the situation. "She's got Wiress and Beetee."

"Nuts and Volts? I've got to hear how this happened?" I say, completely confused. Every one of the victors just look at them as a joke. I never really got to spend much time with them, but what little I did I thought they were a bit strange, but obviously very smart. And Katniss wanted them and she is a pretty good judge of character.

Johanna's talking a mile a minute when we reach them, openly agitated and gesturing toward the jungle. "We thought it was rain, you know, because of the lightning, and we were all so thirsty. But when it started coming down, it turned out to be blood. Thick, hot blood. You couldn't see, you couldn't speak without getting a mouthful. We just staggered around, trying to get out of it. That's when Blight hit the force field."

"I'm sorry, Johanna," Finnick says. Blight, the male victor from Johanna's district, District 7. The one who never even bothered to show up for training.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't much, but he was from home. And he left me with these two. He got a knife in the back at the Cornucopia and her….," she says and we all turn and look at Wiress. She is walking around in circles and seems to be saying, "Tick, tock. Tick, tock." Under her breath.

"Yeah, we know. Tick, tock. Nuts is in shock," Johanna says. Wiress walks toward her, but Johanna pushes her down and says, "Just stay down, will you?"

"Lay off her," Katniss snaps.

"Lay off her?" Johanna says. She steps toward Katniss and slaps her across the face. I step up behind Katniss, about to pull her out of the way if Johanna raises her hand again, but she just says, "Who do you think got them out of that bleeding jungle for you? You…." With that Finnick picks her up and tosses her on his shoulder. He takes her into the water and dunks her under a few times until she stops screaming and insulting Katniss.

Katniss turns to me, "What did she mean? She got them for me?"

"I don't know. You did want them originally," I remind her gently. If we are going to be an allied group this large, someone will have to keep the peace.

"Yeah, I did. Originally." She looks down a Beetee, who seems to have lost consciousness. "But I won't have them long unless we do something."

I lift Beetee and walk him back to our little camp. Katniss takes Wiress by the hand and sits her in the shallow water. She then take Beetee's belt off, setting it and the wire cylinder he had attached to it in the sand. I take him to the shallow water and Katniss works on loosening his clothes so we can strip him, get him clean and check out his wounds. After he is clean I carry him back to Finnick's mat and lay him face down. The wound is still very bloody, but doesn't seem to be too deep. Katniss sits back, trying to figure out her next move and I just stay quiet. I know she thinks better without interruption. We need something to stem the blood flow so the wound can start healing. The only thing I can think of is cloth, but we do not have much of that. Katniss says, "Be right back." I watch her go to the edge of the jungle and tears some of the spongy moss and bring it back. She fashions it into a kind of pad and place's it on the cut. We coax him to drink some fresh water and hen drag him into the shade of the jungle. Again, I find myself amazed with the things this girl can do.

"I think that's all we can do," she says, clearly thinking it is not enough.

"It's good. You're good with this healing stuff. It's in your blood," I say.

She shakes her head. "No. I got my father's blood. I'm going to see about Wiress." She walks away and I just wish that, for just a moment, I could understand how she sees herself. She defiantly does not see herself clearly at all. And there is no way she sees the effect she has on almost everyone. I watch her as she cleans Wiress, working with her like you would a child. She soaks her undergarments, along with Beetee's and is almost done cleaning Beetee's suit when Johanna, looking much cleaner, and Finnick join us.

Johanna eats and drinks while Katniss tried to get Wiress to eat the fish and drink fresh water. Finnick tells Johanna about the poisonous fog and the crazed monkeys. I notice he does not say anything about Mags. I imagine he must have known her well, maybe she was his mentor or something. They defiantly seemed to be close. I try to imagine what it would be like to lose Haymitch in this type of situation, but I know I will not know what it feels like. Then I stop thinking about Finnick's feelings, because sometimes soon I will have to figure out a way to kill him.

Finnick, Johanna, Katniss and I all offer to stay awake. After a few arguments, Johanna and Katniss are the one's taking the shift. Johanna just refuses to sleep and Katniss said she feels really rested. I know I feel tired because of what happened to me yesterday and I will need all the strength I can muster to survive the next few days. When I finally fall asleep the last thing I register is Katniss and Johanna, quietly sitting to the extreme edge away from each other.

It seems like minutes later when Katniss is shaking me awake. "Get up." She wakes Finnick and Johanna too and starts talking, pretty quickly.

"It's a giant clock. See?" She points at a very large tree. "The lighting hits that tree at noon and midnight and that's when it starts. Each section has a different horror. I didn't put it all together until the lightning struck again and Wiress was saying Tick Tock next to me. The fog is really close and so is the monkeys. Who's to say they stop at the edge of the jungle? That wave didn't. We need to move." Finnick and I are convinced, but Johanna seems to get against anything Katniss is thinking. Finally she agrees we should move, just in case. We get Beetee back in his suit, and Katniss wakes up Wiress.

"Tick, tock."

"Yes. Tick, tock. The arena's a clock. It's a clock, Wiress, you were right. You were right," Katniss tells her. Relief fill her face and she says,

"Midnight."

"It starts at midnight."

Wiress nods toward the blood rain and says, "One-thirty."

"Exactly. One-thirty. And at two, a terrible poisonous fog begins there," Katniss points to the jungle close by. "So we have to move somewhere safe now. Are you thirsty?" She asks, Wiress, who is finally standing and seems to be in much better spirits, since someone finally understood her. She drinks out of one of the bowls and eats a piece of bread Finnick hands her.

Beetee is pretty much out of it, so I try to pick him up. He pushes me back a bit and says, "Wire."

"She's right here. Wiress is fine. She's coming, too," I explain to him.

"Wire," he demands.

"Oh, I know what he wants," Johanna says, going over to the cylinder and picking it up. It is covered in blood. "This worthless thing. It's some kind of wire or something. That's how he got cut. Running up to the Cornucopia to get this. I don't know what kind of weapon it's supposed to be. I guess you could pull off a piece and use it as a garrote or something. But really, can you imagine Beetee garroting somebody?"

"He won the Games with wire. Setting up that electrical trap. It's the best weapon he could have," I explain. I thought she would know this.

"Seems like you'd have figured that out. Since you nicknamed him volts and all," Katniss says, accusingly.

"Yeah, that was really stupid of me, wasn't it? I guess I must have been distracted by keeping your little friends alive. While you were…..what, again? Getting Mags killed off?" Johanna snaps back. I see Katniss tighten her hand around her knife. "Go ahead. Try it. I don't care if you are knocked up, I'll rip your throat out."

Finnick steps up and says, "Maybe we all had better be careful where we step." I am confused by those words. But he places the coil of wire and sits it on Beetee's chest. "There's your wire, Volts. Watch where you plug it."

I am finally able to pick him up and ask, "Where to?"

Finnick answers, "I'd like to go to the Cornucopia and watch. Just to make sure we're right about the clock." No one objects, so we make our way to the Cornucopia by walking down the nearest sand strip. The area is deserted and I lay Beetee in the shade. He calls to Wiress and asks her to clean the wire. She takes the wire and goes to the edge of the water and begins cleaning it. She is singing some sort of children's song and Johanna says,

"Oh, not that song again. That went on for hours before she started tick-tocking."

Wiress suddenly sits up and points the way we came. "Two."

Sure enough there's the poisonous fog where we just came from. "Yes, look, Wiress is right. It's two o'clock and the fog has started.

"Like clockwork. You were very smart to figure that out, Wiress," I say, looking over at her. She smiles and goes back to cleaning the wire.

"Oh, she's more than smart," Beetee says. "She intuitive. She can sense things before anyone else. Like a canary in one of your mines."

"What's that?" Finnick asks.

"It's a bird we take down into the mines to warn us if there's bad air," Katniss explains.

"What's it do, die?" Johanna asks.

"It stops singing first. That's when you should get out. But if the air's too bad, it dies, yes. And so do you," Katniss finishes. I know she does not like to talk about the topic of death in the mines, given that is how she lost her father.

While everyone picks through what's left of the weapons I start drawing a kind of map of the arena with the tip of my knife. I draw the Cornucopia in the center, the tail facing noon/midnight, and draw out twelve sections. Katniss joins me and I say, "Look how the Cornucopia's positioned."

"That tail points toward twelve o'clock," she says.

"Right, so this is the top of our clock." I write the numbers around the clock. "Twelve to one is the lightning zone," I say writing it down. I write clockwise, adding in the blood rain, the poison fog and murderous monkeys.

"And ten to eleven is the wave," Katniss says. I add it. Johanna and Finnick join us, armed like crazy with axes, tridents and knives.

"Did you notice anything unusual in the others?" Katniss asks. They only saw the blood. "I guess they could hold anything."

"I'm going to mark the ones where we know the Gamemakers' weapon follows us out past the jungle, so we'll stay clear of those," I say, drawing a diagonal line on the fog and wave sections. Everyone else notices it before I do, but Wiress has stopped singing. I turn in time to see Finnick deflect a spear that was send towards me by Brutus and he takes a knife to the thigh by Enobaria. I see that Wiress is dead, along with Gloss, an arrow sticking out of his temple and Cashmere, who has an ax in her chest. Brutus and Enobaria flees and I follow Katniss and Johanna as they sprint around the Cornucopia, trying to catch up to them. The cannon booms three times and suddenly the ground beneath our feet begins to shake. We are spinning, faster than any kind of top, making the jungle almost disappear into a giant green blur. I snap my eyes shut and cling to the rock like it is a life force. We slam to a stop and I hesitantly open my eyes. Everything stays still and I get up. I see Finnick, Johanna and Katniss are all ok. The bodies of Wiress, Gloss and Cashmere have been flung into the ocean.

"Where's Volts?" Johanna asks, looking around. Finnick spots him in the water and quickly swims out to get him. Katniss notices his coil of wire is gone and we spot it in the hand of Wiress.

"Cover me," Katniss says and she drops her weapons and runs down the strip of sand closes to Wiress's body. I watch her dive in and swim over to the body. Of course she can swim. The big bathtub comment from Finnick at the beginning of the Games makes sense now. I assumed that Finnick got Katniss off her platform like he did mine. There must be a lake in our woods as well. She quickly gets the coil out of her hand and I see her shut Wiress's eyes.

When she gets back to the Cornucopia, she gives the coil to Beetee and walks over to me and puts her arms around my waist. I hold he too and everyone is just silent. These Games are taking a big toll on the tributes, us victors, and I wonder how it is looking to the people of the Capitol.

"Let's get off this stinking island," Johanna says. Finnick ties his under shirt around the wound left by Enobaria's knife. Beetee thinks he can walk now, if we go slowly. Katniss and Johanna checks the weapons again and we all decide we should go back to twelve o'clock. Johanna, Finnick and myself all head in different directions.

"Twelve o'clock, right? That tail points at twelve," I say.

"Before they spun us. I was judging by the sun," Finnick answers.

"The sun only tells you it's going on four, Finnick," Katniss says.

"I think Katniss's point it, knowing the time doesn't mean you necessarily know where four is on the clock. You might have a general idea of the direction. Unless you consider that they may have shifted the outer ring of the jungle as well," Beetee says. I didn't think of that possibility. Katniss nods and says, "Yes, so any one of these paths could lead to twelve o'clock."

We start walking around, trying to see any sign that we know which area is which, but with no luck.

"I should have never mentioned the clock. Now they've taken that advantage away as well," Katniss says, somewhat bitterly.

"Only temporarily. At ten, we'll see the wave again and be back on track," Beetee explains.

"Yes, they can't redesign the whole arena," I say.

"It doesn't matter. You had to tell us or we never would have moved our camp in the first place, brainless," Johanna says impatiently. "Come on. I need water. Anyone have a good gut feeling?"

We chose a path and head toward the jungle, not knowing what we are looking for. When we reach the edge of the jungle we all look into the jungle, trying to figure out what could be waiting for us.

"Well, it must be monkey hour. And I don't see any of them in there. I'm going to try to tap a tree," I say, reaching for the spile from Katniss.

"No, it's my turn," Finnick says.

"I'll at least watch your back," I answer.

"Katniss can do that. We need you to make another map. The other washed away," Johanna says, ripping a large leaf from a nearby tree. Couldn't someone else make one? Are they trying to divide us? I don't see suspicion in Katniss's face, so I don't say anything as she walks away with Finnick. I get my knife and begin scratching out the new map. I leave out the Cornucopia since I do not know which way it is pointing right now, but I draw in every area we know about and cross out the ones that go beyond the jungle.

I am just finishing up the map when I hear a scream. So horrible and with obvious pain. My blood turns cold because I know whose voice it is. Not Katniss, not anyone in the arena, but Prim. Sweet Prim. I drop everything and run toward the sound. I find the tree Finnick was working at, but no one is there. I follow the sounds of Finnick through the woods and run smack into a clear wall. I am knocked backwards, into Johanna, who has followed me. I cannot hear Katniss anymore and I follow the wall down to the beach, trying to find a way in.

"It's no use, Peeta," Johanna says. "We will have to wait it out."

"Katniss!" I yell, but I get nothing in return. I finally see her and Finnick making their way back to the beach. She catches sight of me and I know she does not know about the wall. She looks angry that I am standing so far away. I put my hands up on the glass and will her to read my lips. "It's a wall! Stop!" She doesn't and runs right into the wall, banging her shoulder. Finnick also hits the wall and I see him with blood gushing from his nose. I take my knife and start trying to pick my way through the wall. Johanna has me stand back and tries her ax. Not even a dent.

I put my hand up on the wall and Katniss does the same. She looks at me like she is trying to figure out what I am saying.

"It's going to be okay. Just stay calm." I tell her through the glass. I get not nod of agreement, so I know she is not understanding. He just stares at my face and I keep telling her it will be okay, even though I know she is not understanding.

Suddenly Finnick is on the ground, hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound made to drive him insane. Katniss turns and begins firing arrows into the birds. I recognize jabberjays, but her arrows are in vain, because I see them get replaced time after time. Finally she is out of arrows and she curls up next to Finnick, hands over her ears. I feel so helpless. I am kneel down next to where her body is and will the next hour to go by in a flash.


End file.
